Ever one has their idea of what is best for children. Whether it is parents trying to give other parents advice, people who are not parents who just think they know what is best, or those who actually work in the field of child care and other related peers, it is something many people are very opinionated on. One aspect of children and parenting that can be quite controversial is that of non-traditional family styles. 

When discussing “non-traditional” family styles, there are a lot of different things that can come to mind. There is everything from single-parent homes to adoptive families. It can be a very neutral when it comes to things like the previously mentioned topics, to a little bit controversial when it comes to topics like families with same-sex parents. More specifically, it can be a controversial topic when it comes to how these family styles affect the children. Luckily, there has been a good amount of research on the topic done by professionals in the field of psychology and experts in the area of child care. It has been found that children who are a part of families that are considered nontraditional, stepfamilies, adoptive families, and families with parents of the same gender specifically, are not necessarily better off in more traditional family styles, but can be greatly affected by the family style that they are a part of.

Stepfamilies are a very common type of family in the United States, yet they are considered nontraditional because they typically involve much more than a mom, a dad, and their biological children together. There are also many factors involved with this family type that can influence and affect a child. First, the initial divorce of the parents can affect a child greatly. One of the basic functions of a family is to source as a sense of stability for a child, and a place in which their personalities can be formed (Demo). So, when this sense of stability for the child is disruptive, it can be a negative thing for the child. Also, parents tend to be key role models in a child’s life when it comes to developing response patterns, especially the parent of the same sex, so many social-learning psychologists are concerned about divorce in relation to the possible absence of the parent of the same-sex as the child (Demo). There is also the general idea that divorce is not a good idea for children because of that lack of a visible stable relationship in their lives as they grow older. 

The destabilization of these family styles following divorce includes many factors regarding the child and family members. One study found that there were more often behavior problems with children following a divorce if there were no distinctly bad marital problems preceding the divorce, and in turn, the children with less behavior problems following divorce were more often children whose parents had particularly conflictual and hostile relationships in the home preceding the divorce. The then transition into stepfamilies can cause difficulty for children, also. Children may have strongly negative feelings towards their new stepparents and/or stepsiblings. They are often times viewed as intruders to the children, and that can in turn create more conflict in the home between stepparents and stepsiblings (Lamb). 

Although those negative effects are possible, it is important to address the positive effects that arise from the formation of stepfamilies. The addition of more adults into a child’s life, if they are an all-around positive influence in these areas, can do things such as provide an additional amount of financial and emotional support for a child. It is the hope that a step parent would be a positive influence in a child’s life and be able to contribute in those areas for them. There is also the fact that a step parent is an additional person who can provide things such as child care, discipline, and be another positive role model for the child in general. However, this is often difficult because a child may have a hard time accepting the step parent as an additional parental figure and therefore may not be so accepting of the potential positive aspects of those relationships. There is also the fact that oftentimes it goes the other way around and the step parent may not see themselves as a parental figure for the child and therefore treat the child with neglect or be apathetic towards them (Lamb).

The effect of divorce can vary greatly depending on the age and developmental level of the child. Children whose parent’s divorce before they are five years old are 59% more likely to become a part of a stepfamily before they turn 18. If they are between the ages of five and nine when their parents get divorced, they are 35% more likely to experience a stepfamily. And if a child’s parents divorce during the adolescent years, they are only 14% more likely to become a part of a stepfamily. This is significant because it can affect how the experience of a stepfamily will affect them. It has been found that, the younger a child is at the time of the remarriage, the more likely that they are to form an attachment to their new stepparent. That may be a positive thing, but it has also been found that the younger the child is, the more extreme the effect of the experience is on them. Meaning, they may be more likely to experience positive stepparent relationships the younger they are, the greater the risks are for the child if that transition into a stepparent relationship is not so smooth (Lamb). In turn, as children get older, the more difficult the transition into being a part of a step family is. Adolescents tend to have more negative feelings towards stepparents and see them as more intrusive figures than anything, and in turn they tend to behave more negatively than any other age group in such situations, although they are also more likely to internalize those negative feelings more than any other age group, which could be related to the fact that they are more likely to engage in self-destructive or antisocial behaviors after a parental divorce or remarriage than any other age group (Lamb).

Specifically, it is important to address the effect that a stepfather versus a stepmother relationship has on a child. Because of the fact that often times a step family occurs when a mother with sole custody remarries, a majority of known data on the subject is in relation to stepfather relationships. It is not uncommon that biological fathers tend to have less custody over their children, so there stepfathers often have a more important and significant role in their step children’s lives. Despite this, there tends to be more of a dissatisfaction towards stepfather’s parenting, due to the lack of a clear role that stepfathers are supposed to play in children’s lives. It is important to note that views on the role of stepparents vary a good amount depending on who it is discussing their role. A majority of parents, along with stepparents, agree that the role of the stepparent should be the same as a biological parent when it comes to the raising of the child, while children more often don’t believe that their stepparents should behave like or be equal to their biological parents. Stepfathers tend to be less involved with their step children and have worse communication with them as well. Although this seems like it would obviously be a direct reflection on the stepfather, it has been found that this often has to do more with the child’s mother than anything. Children with more authoritative mothers tend to follow the mother’s lead regarding relationships. So, if their mother encourages a positive and strong relationship with a stepfather, then the child is more likely to be interested and open to forming such a relationship with them, and the mother also plays a large role in shaping the stepfather’s parenting efforts, too.

The stepmother-stepchild relationship is another one that has a large impact on the child in a stepfamily. The adjustment of having a stepmother versus having a stepfather does not vary much between the two, although it has been found that stepmothers have a significantly more difficult time with parenting their stepchildren than stepfathers do, which in turn has an impact on the children involved. They are more likely to take an active role in discipline, yet have conflicting feelings towards the stepchildren (Lamb).

Another controversial and nontraditional family styles are those in which the parents are either gay or lesbian. This family style is typically considered nontraditional because society tends to consider a traditional family one where the parents are heterosexual. Typically in the past, when we think of families headed by non-heterosexual parents, we think of one where the parents are lesbians and the children were born biologically from one of the women, possibly from a previous relationship prior to them identifying as lesbian, and the other parent is from a relationship formed after the child was born. However, it is becoming more and more common for gay men to adopt children that are not biologically their own (Lamb). 

Many people raise questions about how well homes with gay or lesbian parents can foster positive, well-rounded development for the children involved. Many argue that the diversity that can occur in such situations would be a negative thing. For example, when many gay or lesbian parents have partners after having their children in the context of a heterosexual relationship, many people question what kind of impact that would have on the child. It has been found, though, that often times the partner would take up the position typical of any other stepparent, and if the partner has children from a previous relationship, those children will usually become like siblings to their children. Therefore, it can be concluded that these families and the children’s experiences in these families will not have much of a difference in impact on the child than any other family consisting of stepparents and step siblings. 

Much of the research being done in this area is being done so in relation to judicial concerns regarding children born in such contexts, but there is also the claim that a lot of people will make regarding how a parent’s sexual orientation will affect the involved children’s sexual orientations. Research on this topic has not revealed a significant case to support this. One research team decided to research the development of five to twelve-year old children of lesbian mothers and their development to that same age range of children with heterosexual parents all with similar findings. There did not seem to be any difficulties regarding gender identity for the children of lesbian parents and the results were similar to the children their age with heterosexual parents (Lamb).

The topic of parenting and “correct” family styles is one that can be quite controversial in today’s society, and there are many people who are strongly opinionated on the topic. This is a result of the fact that there are so many types of families that can be considered nontraditional, and many times there are outside factors involved in the development of children so it is sometimes hard to say that their development is a direct result of whatever nontraditional family situation that they are in. However, it can be said from the research done on both the effects of stepfamilies on children, and the effects of having gay and lesbian parents, that the effect they have on children can vary greatly although they are never unaffected. It is always important to remember when considering the topic that every child is different and sometimes their development ends up being related more to how they naturally are rather than any certain type of family style.
