“Marriage: America’s greatest weapon against Child Poverty” is an important quote from Robert Rector. Growing up can be hard for any kid, even in a normal family setting. Marriage However, seems to bind families and help children be the best they can be. Imagine being in a broken home in which your parents are divorced and always arguing when they are around each other. Kids in this situation to have make hard decisions about who they want to spend their weekends with and how they will evenly spend time with each parent. Kids already have their own problems to deal with and rough divorces do not help the situation for anyone.  I have a friend whose parents were divorced when he was a young child and he barely ever sees or talks to his dad. When-ever he spends time with my family he has often made comments like “man, I wish my family was together and spent time with each other like this”. Judging by His comments, it is clear he was negatively affected by this divorce that took place when he was young and still deals with it today as a nineteen-year-old. This is just one example of many that shows why divorce can be bad for children. I believe families that do not divorce and stay together provide better lives for their children because vast research and statistics from a large variety of sources prove this to be true. 

A lot of people argue over whether divorce is good or bad for children. I say it is bad for children because of the affect it has on them. It all starts with the parents not getting along, which is uncomfortable for any family. Then the process of divorce takes place and is absolutely devastating for the kid because often times it is the first they are hearing about the divorce and it destroys them on the inside. Divorce has harsh short term affects because kids have to get used to the idea. Hal Arkowitz describes the short term situation in his article “Is divorce bad for children”, “Divorce affects most kids in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow”. Arkowitz talks about how these short term affects can make kid’s grades go down and their moods change drastically and negatively. If a divorce doesn’t happen in the first place, then the children’s lives would be a lot better because they wouldn’t have to battle the pain holding them back from what they want to achieve. The YouTube video “Voice of the Child of Divorce” helps to explain exactly what these kids are going through from the perspective of a woman named Monica, who had to suffer through five divorces as a child. This kid in the video is reading her letter of the struggles that came with the divorce. This video has good information because she discusses her exact feelings and opinions of the divorce while she was a kid. She talks about how she needs to carry on her everyday tasks and go to school and hang out with her friends, but the sadness from her parents’ divorce just lingers in the back of her head and upsets her throughout the day.  “I wish I didn’t have to go through this right now but there is nothing I can do to control it”.  This obviously is not fair to Monica, because all of her friends that are in households where the families are happily married are going about their day without this evil cloud of divorce looming over their heads.  She talks about how her childhood will never be the same again and that her parents divorce is the reason to blame. Their lives might not be perfect but at least they have one less thing to worry about. It seems divorce adds unnecessary burdens to these kids when it can be completely avoided and families can remain together.

Not only are children’s lives affected when divorces take place but when enough divorces start to happen then society as a whole takes a hit. What builds up and makes a society are simply the people who are living in it, these type of people also determine if it’s a good society or a bad one. As William Bennett says in his New York Times article “If we have stronger families we will have stronger schools, stronger churches, and stronger communities with less poverty and crime”. This shows how important being together and being an active family can be for a kid’s life if he grows up in a household that is together, without the burden of divorce looming over him. If you ask me, then better schools, churches, and neighborhoods provide an exponentially better upbringing for kids as opposed to those who live in poverty and a broken home.  I personally want my future kids to grow up in a good society so each of us need to do our part in anyway we can. 

Divorce leaves a lot of open door that could corrupt a kid’s life. When people typically think of how kids are affected by divorce they think of depression and unhappiness, but often times that don’t realize that things like physical health can be affected. According to Jane Anderson, “Children Living with Their Married, biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being”. With all of these problems that could go wrong after a divorce, this quote lets us know that divorce leaves our children a lot more vulnerable than many people think and we need to be aware of this. So let’s discuss some things that can happen after a divorce that we original never thought would be a factor. We all can tell that divorce affects someone’s emotion but many people don’t notice that it could also affect their physical condition. Divorce causes stress which could lead to depression and this causes things like lack of apatite or overeating which can lead to an unhealthy amount of weight gain or loss.  A lot of kids pick up smoking because they are stressed out from the divorce that happened and this would not be an issue in a happily married family because there wouldn’t be a divorce that is fueling the ambition to begin smoking. This is what Jane Anderson meant by physical problems of children suffering from divorce because people can actually become unhealthy from divorce. Had the families remained together then maybe some kids wouldn’t have certain health problems and things of that nature. 

Some people disagree that keeping families together will make children’s lives better. Obviously there are certain situations when a divorce would be the best option because it would be wrong to say all divorces are bad. There are certain situations when dads are maybe beating the wife and child and no one should have to go through this, and that is why in this situation a divorce could save the family from more harm.  An article by Brette Sember explains this when she says “While there is no question that divorce is hard for kids, it is a far cry better than raising your child in a violent, abusive, angry home”. In a situation like this; being together would be a nightmare for everyone in the family, especially the kids. This would not be an example of providing better lives for children because of the constant unhappiness that kids would have to endure every day. When this much disagreement goes on within a house than that is when abuse can come into play. If a kid or a wife is getting beaten than that would be a good reason to get a divorce. Although I am agreeing with the idea of divorce, that is only because I think it is necessary for this circumstance; keeping in mind that this a rare thing to take place in a home. These are strong arguments that the other side of the discussion makes but overall I still definitely am sticking to my side because small cases and outliers like these cannot influence if everyone should get a divorce or not.

 Brittany Wong brings up some good points although a lot of them could easily be challenged with the exception of one or two.  Wong gives these reasons in circumstances that are really rare when kids are extremely unhappy when they are around their parents or if something like abuse is going on within the home. But one of the good facts Brittany Wong brings up is “Divorce isn’t the thing that is affecting the kids but parents fighting is the true problem”. I see what Wong is trying to say here but I’m still not convinced because this quote will still support my side of the argument. Often times arguments in a home will happen because the topic of divorce has come up. Many families open up a new door for arguments once a divorce happens that would not have even been a discussion if the family had remained together. Yes, arguments and fighting are what harm the kids, but a lot of these arguments come from divorce happening. So this quote could be argued both ways, but in this case I see it helping my side. Kids become the person their parents make them to be and if parents are too focused on their own affairs instead of the kids then they could put in place a lifestyle for their kids that they never intended. That is why parents shouldn’t set the example of a divorce and then arguing every time they meet at family gatherings because their kids might pick up on this lifestyle.

Although the opposing arguments do bring up some good points, there are still a lot of circumstances that I would like to bring up that help my side of the argument. For example, there are a lot more negative things that can happen from a divorce than most people think. Most people think that kids and family member or mostly affected by divorce while it is taking place because that is when all the arguments and angry discussions take place. People also think that most divorce only bothers children but many adults in their mid twenties are devastated when their parents get a divorce so late in their life. An article by Jane Julien called “Never Too Old to Hurt From Parent’s Divorce” proves this theory that people are only affected by divorce when they are children and while it is happening are wrong because she talks about her own personal experiences as well as others peoples experiences and how they were impacted negatively. Many times when divorce happens to parents who have been married for 45 years, they think that their adult kids can handle it but this is not the case. This causes so many problems grown up kids for a number of reasons. In a lot of cases it hurts more when your parents separate when you are older because you have made so many memories with them over the years and they have helped you through some really hard times, then all of the sudden they get a divorce out of no where and it knocks you off your feet.  This causes problems in every aspect of their lives when this happens. For example, they struggle to go to work and carry out their jobs or it brings unhappiness into your own home. Jane Julien backs this up when she quotes a man in her article who says “In our work, we’re seeing the trauma to adult children whose parents are going though a divorce”. This trauma is the reason why they are having a difficult time in the work place and why they are not acting normal at home.  Many people say that being older when you get a divorce is worse because when you reach out for help it isn’t there because divorce help in catered to someone your age. Jane Julien says in her article “The only group for children of divorce I could find was for young children”. People just seem to forget about the older people who have to go through divorce. They are facing a really hard time in their lives and no one is there to help or reach out to their particular age demographic. Divorce in this situation make the child’s life extremely unhappy and can cause many problems of their own because it happens at an awkward and random time in the child’s life. Even though grown up children are mature, they can still be affected by a divorce although it might change their life in a different way than a kid’s life would be.

A good article that gives us some insight on what is going on through some kids heads that have experienced divorce is an article by Kathleen Corcoran called “Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce”. She brings up a lot of good facts about divorce as well, one being that “over 50% of marriages end in divorce now a day”. Kathleen doesn’t specify why the divorce rates are so high but she is giving us this background information so she can discuss her topic.  This is an extremely high percentage for something as serious as marriage and this just lets us gauge how many people are affected by divorce cause everyone you know will be affected by it if you are the one getting the divorce. This can take a long term emotional toll on a kid who has to suffer their parents divorce and can actually change many things about someone’s life that you would not expect. Most people think that the kids get over divorce within a few years but studies have shown that is not the case. Major life decisions can be influenced by a divorce that a young kid’s parents had a while ago. For example, many people whose parents have gotten a divorce do not believe in marriage themselves because of the heartache that this divorce caused them as a child. Kathleen reiterates this when she says “Worry about their own future loves and marriage; preoccupied with the survival of relationships”. One simple divorce has negativity influenced this kid’s life and that is not fair to anyone. Its like their parent’s marriage gave them false hope to make a love life of their own. This is not fair to anyone and that is why the child’s life would have been much more improved if the parents just remained together. It just seems like it is an unfair thing what parents who get divorces do to their kids because kids whose families are together do not have to go through this.

Everybody has different struggles in their lives that they have to go through. Life is hard enough and when you add divorce into the equation then a lot of things can change about a kid’s life. Parents staying together for their kids is so vitally important because it helps to lay a foundation for what that kids life will be like and it will make their lives as children a lot better and a lot of positives come out of it that will improve their life in the long run. As humans we care about our kids and we always want the best for them and we will do anything we can for them. Children’s young lives are delicate and important and what they are exposed to as young kids is what shapes them into what they are as adults.  Things like divorce just add unnecessary problems in these kids lives and it almost never makes their lives any better. Just like the kids in the YouTube video says “I would not wish this on anyone”. Kids are important to keep happy and successful because they are the future and they have their whole lives ahead of them and parents should always do what they can to make them the best they can be which is why families should remain together.         
