Ed Sheeran, an extremely popular singer in today’s society, wrote a song named “Photograph.” This song is about a couple that undergoes the change from a traditional, geographically close relationship to a long-distance relationship. One of the most powerful lyrics in the song are “When I’m away, I will remember how you kissed me.” This line gives the listener a gloomy feeling and makes those listening feel bad for the couple referenced in the song. However, it also shows what long-distance relationships are all about. What most people do not do is think of the positives that distance can do for a couple. Long-distance relationships (LDR’s) have a common reputation that they are doomed from the start, however, LDR’s are much more common and successful at benefiting the couple than most people think. Long-distance relationships have a positive and a negative effect on each partaking member of the relationship, but it’s how you let it affect your relationship that sets you apart from others.

Relationships are a delicate concept. Each one is different, and take a lot to maintain and to make last. Due to these facts, not all relationships are meant to last and some just might not work out for no reason whatsoever. These stressful characteristics of a relationship in addition to the distance that a LDR brings is what makes them so difficult to maintain. Distance adds several aspects to the relationship that cause people to believe that they cannot last. It adds a higher case of insecurity, and causes those in the relationship to second-guess everything that occurs on a day to day basis. This sense of “insecurity” provides the couple with a subconscious that is always thinking about the bad things that the other could do, such as cheat on them, forget about them, and other things that otherwise would not be in the person’s mind. This is a negative aspect because it can cause not only the relationship to change, but the people in it. However, this does not mean that this will happen to everyone partaking in a long-distance relationship. This is because there are so many aspects to a relationship this complex that things just happen to fall into place sometimes. Certain common qualities of a traditional relationship are not in a long-distance relationship, allowing for the focus to be on other parts of it. An example of this is spending time with your companion. In a traditional relationship, each member of the relationship spends time with their significant other, usually on a daily basis. In a long-distance relationship, however, the distance between the two people prevent this from even happening. This enables the long-distance couple must spend time in a different way, such as Skype or FaceTime. The recent technological advancements in the past decade have changed the game for long-distance relationship couples, and have caused the successfulness and how beneficial they are skyrocket.

“At one point in time, long-distance relationships consisted primarily of handwritten letters with the occasional phone call in between.” This quote from a scholarly article written by Allie Kirk truly represents the change in technology over the past decade. The way that the long-distance relationship used to work was very different than today’s long-distance relationship. Due to the limited technology at the time, those in the relationship would go days without talking with each other, while thanks to today’s generation of technology, long-distance couples are able to keep in contact from virtually everywhere, no matter what time of day it is. This makes it much easier for a couple to keep in touch with each other over the time that they are apart, making the distance aspect of a long-distance relationship much more manageable. The ability to constantly keep in contact with the significant other in the relationship not only makes it easier to maintain, but also keeps both parties happy. Happiness is one of the key ingredients to success with long distance relationships, and happiness is often hindered by the distance and the inability to talk to one another. Technology has made it a lot easier to stay happy and maintain a long-distance relationship, 

Mentalfloss.com did a survey on LDR’s and whether they were beneficial for each partner in the relationship. A large majority of the responses were positive and stated that the responder’s relationships are either continuing strong or ended in a very positive note and even exceeded the one-year mark. Shaunacy Ferro, the author of the article on this website, bullet points several statistical facts about this topic, as well as lists several sources with which she conducted her research. This data shows the fact that long-distance relationships are not impossible, that they are functional, and can work for the long run depending on whether you commit to the relationship enough and truly give it your all. 

Dictionary.com states that trust is “the reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, and surety of a person or thing.” Long-distance relationships rely completely on trust. Trust is not easily gained, and trusting the person you love every second of the day, even when you are not there, is extremely difficult. The inability to whole-heartedly trust your partner causes a sense of insecurity, causing unnecessary worry and fear. This added feeling of insecurity of the other person brings a whole new dimension to the relationship that otherwise would not be there. What most people do not realize is that living near your partner gives a subconscious feeling of security because you feel like “I live down the road from them, I do not have to worry.” This small feeling makes a huge difference when it comes to a relationship, and those in a long-distance relationship get the opposite of this feeling. When something goes wrong, or even when a person in a long-distance relationship gets a certain feeling, worry takes over their body and the problem that’s in their head is all they can think about. This causes fights to be twice as bad as traditional couples fights, and due to the fact that most of these fights happen over the phone since the partaking couple cannot be with each other due to the distance, each person says things that they normally wouldn’t say to their significant other if they were face to face. This causes even larger problems in the relationship that over time, get easier and better, however most relationships, traditional and long-distance, don’t make it past this beginning fighting phase. 

Long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain due to several reasons which is covered by Marion Chapman and her peers state in their scholarly article on this subject. They state that “The attachment that is formed between two people in a long-distance relationship is different than those that are close together.” The authors speak about how this attachment, while beneficial in some parts, might also be harmful to the relationship. This attachment causes partners to act differently when put in a certain situation. This might be how they react to not being able to see their significant other for longer than expected, how they react to a fight, etc. One thing that long-distance relationships have over traditional relationships, and that is the joy that is generated when they finally get to see each other after a long time of being apart. Due to the distance each partner must endure, they both feel like they need to compensate for the fact that they are not together often, so when they are together, they form an attachment unlike no other. This “attachment” that is spoken about by the authors is one of the strongest things that a long-distance relationship has, and is what makes a LDR couples bond so durable. This bond is so strong that each person in the relationship is nearly inseparable when they are together. They can go from fighting one day to being one hundred percent okay the next, and this is due to this bond. Some fights just are not worth having, and sometimes it just takes a full fight to make a couple realize it. 

Marie Farrell, a graduate student at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, claims that stress plays a large role in whether a long-distance relationship ends up working or not in her dissertation on long-distance relationships. Stress is generally formed easily and causes people to lose their temper quickly. Most people state that long-distance relationships fight more than those in normal relationships, and that it is why they “never” work out. What they are stating is partially true. A survey was done in 2014 where thousands of people were asked whether they were in a long-distance relationship or a normal relationship, and how often they fight. The results were as expected, and those who stated that they were in a long-distance relationship answered that they fought with their partner around once a day. This was significantly higher than those who answered that they were in a normal relationship, as the average for that category was approximately twice a week. These fights are a result of the stress that each member of the relationship is enduring. Stress gained through each person’s lifestyle reflects how that person reacts to certain things and to what people say. Someone who is under a lot of stress is more likely to react negatively than someone who is not stressed out and is generally having a good day. The fact that those in a long-distance relationship fight more does not mean that they do not stand a chance at functioning properly. If anything, it enables them to function better and more efficiently. The constant fighting, if they can handle it, keeps the couple from having anything boiling inside of them since they are always fighting about things. This makes the fights be smaller and less influential, and usually results in a happier couple and a better relationship. 

On a more specific note, long-distance relationships have many more positives than negatives for most people during college. Some of the most important social interactions that college students value above all are romantic relationships. It allows them to grow as a person and allows them to branch out in places that they normally would not even think about going. The distance allows for each person in the relationship to focus on friends and schooling, while not being completely distracted by the other person as they would be if they were together. College is the place where you find the people you will be friends with for the rest of your life. Being in a long-distance relationship enables you to not only focus on your significant other, but also on the friends that you are going to have for the rest of your life. College is one of the best experiences of most people’s lives, and being able to focus on friends as well as your girlfriend/boyfriend allows for a much better experience. 

Long-distance relationships are extremely difficult for a couple to maintain and the probability of it working solely depends on the type of people that are in the relationship. Throughout this entire essay, I have been stating positives and negatives to long-distance relationship, but ultimately always rounding back to the idea that there are more positives than negatives. This however does not always mean that your long-distance relationship will work or benefit you whatsoever, and there is always the chance that it’s just not meant to be. Many factors increase and decrease this chance, but when looked at from another perspective, no amount on research and science will be able to tell if your relationship will work. Relationships and love are extremely sensitive and complicated things that no one will ever be able to completely grasp. A relationship depends on the kinds of people that are in the relationship, and how much each person is willing to commit to it. If your relationship is meant to be, then it will happen and it will find a way. If things start to go downhill, fight for it. Nothing is set in stone until you set it in stone yourself, and if you really want it enough and are willing to do what is necessary for the one that you love, then you can give it everything you have and maybe you will change destiny. 
