I allowed myself to be so caught up in my boyfriend that I ruined my first semester of college. I struggled to balance my relationship amongst all my other responsibilities; I was spending all my time focused on him instead of focusing on myself. College is not the ideal environment for relationships.  College is “you-time,” a time for self discovery, a time where you have the freedom to make every decision on your own and for yourself. You should use your college experience developing yourself and your personal goals, not the goals of another person. Although socializing, forming and developing relationships is a large part of the college experience, this should be done in a more casual way because romantic relationships are not essential to make the most of your experience. Relationships are meant to be a positive experience, but the college environment greatly takes away from that. College students do not think about the repercussions of dating before jumping into a relationship and it is essential for students to be aware of these consequences, research done by myself and other authors will bring to light the negative aspect of dating in college. Becoming involved in a romantic relationship in college and adding another person along with their goals to the mix, will hinder one’s ability to find themself and will negatively impact their academic performance and mental health. 

“For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of deep fulfillment” (Fenster). This should not be the case for students in college. A relationship requires a lot of time and energy to be put in it in order for it to work, critical time for students to be spending on themselves and studying, rather than on another person. The college experience is about acclimating to being on your own for the first time. It is about living away from your family for the first time in a dorm room with a complete stranger, it is about getting involved on campus by joining clubs or playing sports, it is about making friends and getting to know people from all over, and most importantly it is about taking classes and doing well in them, none of these things involve or require a romantic partner. A romantic partner would only get in the way of those experiences. There are also many dangers associated with dating on college campuses such as being physically, emotionally, or sexually abused by your parent. You should avoid putting yourself at risk by not dating and just enjoying your college experience with friends. There are so many people out there for you to meet, especially when it comes to finding a life partner so do not confine your dating pool to the people you go to school with, find that person out in the real world. College should be the training ground for student’s minds and is not a realistic environment for people to find the love of their lives (Hawks). 

I witness the negative effects of romantic relationships first hand everyday. A good friend of mine that I have met since being at college chose to attend the University of South Carolina because her boyfriend also chose to go there. Maybe she would have chose this school regardless of whether he went there or not, but this is the first instance of where she prioritizes him and their relationship over herself. Although they have a healthy and loving relationship, I often see them prioritize each other over other responsibilities at hand that are much more important. They struggle to find the balance between their relationship and their college experience, repeatedly asking each other to skip class or say “I will just study later,” in order to spend time with each other. She spends most of her time with him instead of trying to make friends and spend time with them or doing other activities to get involved. She asks him to not spend time with his friends to spend time with her. This relationship dynamic is not unique to them, relationships like these are occurring across campuses. Instead of spending all of their time together they should be out meeting new people and making new experiences, they shouldn’t be asking each other to skip class they should be encouraging each other to focus on their academics and do well so they can pursue their goals. Although they make each other happy, they are greatly taking away from each other’s college experiences and eventually that happiness will not be enough. 

One of the most important aspects of the college experience is how students choose to spend their time outside of the walls of the classroom, particularly when it comes to their personal growth and self discovery. College students should be defining themselves based on what they hope to achieve in life after they graduate, but often, young adults in relationships end up defining themselves through their relationship. You have to have your own goals figured out before you add someone else’s goals to the equation. And those goals you have may be constantly changing, “and different experiences can have different influences on such goals. Some of those changes can be influenced by your college partner” (Rousset). Although, it is okay to evolve with your partner, this should not mean sacrificing what is important to you for them. Completely changing or giving up your goals for your partner is never to your benefit; you are only sacrificing what you want “based on the needs and desires of another person” which hinders your personal growth and ability to discover yourself (Rousset). After graduation, more often than not your personal goals will take you in a different direction than your partner’s goals will take them, so do not waste your four years trying to make your goals work for another person too. Make your college experience the best four years of your life, spend it making incredible memories and discovering yourself, you have the rest of your life to spend with someone else. 

On a daily basis, college students are surrounded by distractions; a romantic partner should not be included as one of these distractions. You are constantly wanting to do something rather than what you are doing or should be doing something instead of what you are actually doing. With a variety of things going on around them, it is up to the student to decide what to spend their time doing based on what they prioritize, you do not have your parents or your teachers constantly telling you what to do to keep you on track or reminding you to do things. Students involved in romantic relationships are constantly faced with the decision to spend their night in studying or to spend time with their romantic partner. Researcher Alma Mae conducted a study aimed to prove that involvement in a “romantic relationship will affect the student's academic performance negatively when there is a high level of anxiety and when time is prioritized to their romantic relationship” (Mae). The experimental design the researchers used was they distributed survey questionnaires to first-year students at a specific university. The survey questionnaires consisted of a wide range of questions aimed to measure student’s at the university’s “involvement in romantic relationships and its adverse effects on their academic achievement” (Mae). Student’s reported to be spending majority of their time with their partner, crucial time that should be allotted for studying.  The results of this study allowed the researchers to conclude that involvement in romantic relationships does in fact negatively impact academic performance. College students are too busy with all of their other responsibilities that they have to fulfill, most importantly maintaining there grades, therefore, college is not the time to be spent with a romantic partner. 

Eighty percent of college students say they “sometimes or often feel stressed” (Cohen). The pressures that surrounds relationships can be overwhelming amongst the other pressures that come with college and can be detrimental to the student’s mental health as a result. College students stress about adjusting to their new environment with this being the first time they are living away from home, they stress about their academics, they stress about finances, and they stress about their life after graduation (Cohen). They do not need the stress of a relationship amongst these stressors especially if they do not how to properly deal with these emotions. When in a relationship, “you worry about [it] all the time…you can not stop thinking about your partner when she or her is not near, or you constantly overanalyze every little thing [they] say or does… or did not say or do” (Deitz). This takes away from your college experience, hindering your ability to relax and enjoy yourself and the experience because you are always worried about something less important. Occasionally fighting or having a disagreement with your partner is normal in any relationship and also is a healthy aspect of all relationships. However, it can also cause unnecessary stress and anxiety and will take the student’s focus away from their academics. Decreased academic performance will then in turn result in more increased stress and anxiety on top of the stress a college student already experiences. In this environment, romantic relationships add unnecessary stress to a college student’s life; they should be directing their time and attention to achieving their goals and maintaining their grades, not wasting their time and energy stressing out about their relationship. 

Although in my opinion there is more research out there that proves involvement in romantic relationships in college does more harm than good to the student and their college experience, I do not deny that some romantic relationships can be positive and beneficial to the student, particularly when it comes to their mental health and well being. My best friend from high school and her boyfriend decided on separate colleges and continue to make their relationship work in a healthy and positive way. They are some of the few young adults who were able to find the balance between their relationship and their college experience by keeping them two separate things; she does not make him her college experience and he does not make her his college experience. Her boyfriend understands that she needs time for herself, for her academics, and for a social life outside of him, and she understands the same for him. They do not ask each other to sacrifice their goals for one another; they encourage each other to pursue what they want to do and support each other in the process. When college students in romantic relationships can find this balance that is when the relationship has the potential to be more positive than negative however this is a very challenging task. 

Research completed by Scott Braithwaite, Raquel Delevi, and Frank Fincham aimed to prove that “college students in committed romantic relationships experience greater well-being than single college students” (Braithwaite). Researchers randomly selected a sample of students from a university and invited them to participate in a comprehensive health assessment survey. Individuals in the sample collected who stated they were in committed relationships reported they experienced fewer mental health problems and were less likely to be overweight or obese (Braithwaite). Their study also showed that “single men and women have higher levels of depression, anxiety, mood disorders, adjustment problems, and other forms of psychological distress” (Braithwaite). The researchers note that being single is not necessarily detrimental to one’s health however having a partner could relieve one of the disorders listed above. In conclusion, this research does prove there are positive aspects of involvement in a romantic relationship and I do agree that relationships can positive, however I will continue to argue that the negative aspects outweigh the positive. 

Although it is not impossible for college students to be involved in a romantic relationship that is more positive than negative while they are attempting to navigate college, it is not realistic for college students to be able to find the balance needed between their relationship and their academics and that will hinder their ability to discover themselves and will negatively impact their academics and mental health. College students should be spending their time focused on them and taking advantage of their newfound independence, not on another person and their goals. Being in a relationship and spending all your time with your partner causes you to not develop lasting friendships or make lasting memories that you should be making. Go and make the most of your college experience. Do you want to be spending what is supposed to be the best four years of your life tied to another person? 
