The American family is encountering many hardships and if these problems are not addressed, future generations will suffer. The decline in the U.S marriage rate has been affected by the reorganization of family life and intimate relationships, such as the decrease in institutional marriages and a focus on individual growth instead of marriage, an increase in cohabitation for the possibility of benefits, and unrealistic relationship expectations, all of which have had an adverse impact on the number of successful marriages and properly raised children. 

For some people finding this balance between their own relationship and starting a new family may seem like a pipe dream. Recently in America, the marriage rate has reached an all-time low. Roughly thirty years ago, forty eight percent of the baby boomer generation was getting married compared to recent statistics showing only twenty-six percent of millennials doing the same (Collins). This data illustrates the evident decline in marriage. It is said that this change has come from millennials having a cynical and individualistic approach to life and their relationships (Fox News). Barbara Whitehead, an intellectual with a Ph.D. in American Social History said, “Westerners are shifting from a concern for their children’s future to a self-orientation that gives priority to individuals’ desires rather than to the needs of spouses and children” (Whitehead 4). This quote from the essay The Decline of Marriage as the Social Basis of Childrearing explicitly addresses the new mindset of the American people and the problems that this shift is causing. This new attitude of many Americans ranging in age from their early twenties to mid-thirties is caused by many variables. 

This new idea of a marriage based on the partner’s individual needs came from a change over the years due to the shift of the preconceived roles each gender has had in the past. During the 1950’s the average American household was structured with certain ideals. These standards consisted of Christian beliefs, the mother as the homemaker, and the father as the breadwinner. These values began to change during the 60’s and 70’s as the hippie culture emerged and people started to look inside themselves to find inner peace. As a result, Americans changed the focus for marriage to individual happiness. This trend began a new way of thinking for future Americans. A quote from a reporter on Fox New said, “We used to marry because we needed to. Now we marry because we want to” (Fox News). It is becoming more common for marriages to occurring solely for the benefit of the individual, when they used to be for the partners and their children. 

An unsuccessful relationship is caused by the unhappiness of one person. If this marriage’s success was based on the individual emotional and physical contentment of each partner, where does the emotional and physical well-being of a child take priority? The answer, clearly displayed in the divorce rate, is that it does not. A couple that bases their success on how they emotionally feel, not the success of their parenthood, is causing problems for their child’s development. In a survey with a population of mixed relationship status, of the divorced population only 50 percent of people said they were satisfied with family life (PewResearchCenter). This proves that divorce causes unsatisfactory family relations. Another way Americans have individualized marriage is by each spouse becoming financially independent. 

Many women have not conformed to the stereotype of a homemaker by finding a job to support themselves. This alteration in the family dynamic caused negative consequences. Financially speaking, twenty-nine percent of people of age are not prepared to marry (Fox News).  This displays how people’s individual economic situation is causing problems with the number of successful marriages.  

Money may be the reason a couple gives to explain their separation, but when looking closer it must have more to do with an individual’s emotions. In a relationship, one partner will make more money than the other. This difference in earnings, will turn into a sense of entitlement to more of the spending power. This causes problems because the person providing less will feel as if they are not contributing enough financially. If not communicated correctly, this leads to further issues, like hiding expenses from the spouse. In a research study, they found 36 percent of respondents confirmed that they do not consult their partner about large purchases (Hewitt). This supports the idea that the money one spouse earns comes with a personal entitlement. Because of secret spending, many relationships fail because of trust issues. Eventually, all these conflicts due to individual interests create enough stress on the relationship and it ends in divorce or separation. 

As the personal interests of relationships change, many couples face new problems that cause conflict and eventually lead to more complications. As people put off marriage for their own individual reasons, they will continue to participate in a sexually active relationship. 60 percent of Americans believed that premarital sex was not wrong and eight percent had no stance on the issue (PewResearchCenter). It is a well-known fact that sex leads to pregnancy, whether it be planned or not. A shocking 40.2 percent of unmarried women had a child in 2014 (PewResearchCenter), not including terminated pregnancies. Ironically, at the same time most people are fine with premarital sex, even more believe it is a bad thing for a single mother to raise a child at a striking 69 percent (PewResearchCenter). Unmarried couples raising a child are on the wrong side of the data. A study shows that even before a newborn’s first birthday, 17 percent of unmarried couples raising a child have split (Steele) and this percentage continues to rise with each year. 

Analyzing these statistics, one can see that having a child in an unmarried relationship decreases the chances of a successful relationship. These effects on the couple all stem from the new individualistic ideals that Americans have for a committed relationship. As people become pickier about how they want their marriage to work, there is an increasing period of premarital sex. This trend then leads to the problematic statistics presented above. After these problems take effect they then snowball into more serious issues that have lasting effects on the youth of America. 

The family dynamic has changed over the past 200 years. Originally a child was supported by its extended family, where the loss of a parent has a small effect on the child’s development. Compared to today’s nuclear family, where a child depends on marital stability for successful future development. This stable environment is dependent on parental investment and affection for the child. Thus, the weakening and/or decrease of marriages has had adverse consequences for children. Some of the negative results of this trend include behavior issues, the lack of a proper education, and future relationship problems. 

Due to the cause-and-effect relationship caused by the marriage crisis, adolescent Americans are suffering. According to the book The Marriage Go Round by Andrew Cherlin, a group of researchers followed over 1,000 families and their newborns till the first grade. This study analyzed the behavior of the children. When looking at children that experienced multiple family transitions (mother or father finding a new partner), the study showed that they are more likely to be disruptive and not follow their teacher’s instructions (Cherlin). In families where a mother or father goes through relationship issues, their child is more likely to have poor grades, skip school, and not complete their school work. This is caused by less attention on the success of a child and more focus on fixing the problems each parent has with one another. These issues are just the tip of the iceberg of a child’s behavioral development. Raising an adolescent properly takes time, effort, and, especially, a stable and adequate source of income.

The average expenditures a couple would spend on a three to five-year-old is about $9,100 per year. It is evident that a single mother with an average income of roughly $25,000 would struggle to afford this expense (Whitehead). Given this amount of income, a parent would struggle to improve their child’s well-being. One way a parent can improve their child’s future is by providing them the proper education. A single parent with this level of income may be receiving funding from a child support program. However, when the adolescent becomes eighteen, and the parent’s investment in the child’s education should increase, many states no longer legally require child support. In today’s age where it is very crucial to have a college education. These parents are given no other option but to divest from their child’s academic goals leaving them at a disadvantage. A disappointing statistic among those aged 25 to 44 years old, 75 percent of those who never completed high school have cohabited, compared to 50 percent of college graduates (Unmarried Cohabitation). In reference to the statistics presented earlier in this paper, high rates of sex outside of marriage, which is a practice of cohabitation, will lead to pregnancies. This will eventually lead to harmful effects on the relationship and the children apart of the couple. Creating a cycle of poorly raised children eventually participating in unstable relationships leading to the next generation of improperly raised children. 

Raising a child correctly comes from a stable familial foundation. Because the decline of marriage success and an increase in divorce rate, many children effected by these statistics are experiencing trouble with the relationships they make as adults. Kids from split homes have low trust. They experience this low level of trust because their parents had lied about the stability of their relationship. These children then have a hard time trusting their partner in a romantic relationship. Adolescences who have experience with divorce have a more positive attitude towards divorce, meaning, there is a higher probability their future marriage would end in divorce. These issues effect developing children because the fear of being hurt causes commitment issues in future relationships. People that experience these issues are often not completely invested in a relationship so it is easier to terminate. Many of these children effected will have a greater chance of cohabitation because of their negative views towards marriage. 

Cohabitation, defined as the state of living together and having a sexual relationship without being married (Unmarried Cohabitation). While many people believe that this would be beneficial to their future relationship, demographic studies have shown:

The belief that living together before marriage is a useful way “to find out whether you really get along,” and thus avoid a bad marriage and an eventual divorce, is now widespread among young people. But the available data on the effects of cohabitation fail to confirm this belief. In fact, a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage (Unmarried Cohabitation).

During this period, many people believe that they would be able to work out their problems they might have with their partner. While most of the time this will lead to the demise of the relationship. 

 Just how people realize their expectations of moving in with a sexual partner quickly turn sour, a similar trend occurs within marriage success. A survey, done by Clark University Poll of Emerging Adults, found that 86 percent of 18-29 year olds expect their marriage to last a life time. This is already unrealistic because the current divorce rate is at 50 percent (Lotze). This illusion of a relationships filled with longevity and happiness has become a notorious expectation of marriage. Because the mindset of the American public has changed, more people are tying the knot for the wrong reason. These shaky marriages are conceived for the wrong reason from the start and have no chance for success.  

After being exposed to these statistics one may think the population might abstain from marriage because of what is expected from it, also what is expected from them. Although, in the same survey, when the researcher asked if the people apart of the study had a realistic representation to marriage, the researcher answered, “No. A lot of research that I and others have done has shown that [young people] have a very romantic view of marriage. And I think the thing about it that is troubling is that it’s a romantic ideal that is very difficult to sustain for a lifetime” (Lotze). This indication that newlyweds tend to over romanticize marriage proves that the “honeymoon phase” type feelings for one another will not last a life time. These partners have realized that once they are married, they will have to make large sacrifices for the betterment of the relationship. These realizations are often the cause of the separation leading to complications with the rest of the family.  

Someone might encourage a couple or an individual to set high expectations in hope for a better future. One could also boast that it is human nature to make mistakes and learn from them. When these unrealistic expectations are the mistakes in the first place. In a section of Deseret News, a quote by Debbie Thompson says, “People expect too much of one another. All that does is cause so many bad relationships. People need to be more open-minded and educated more when they’re younger” (Collins). This quote is the underlying lesson that couples should learn when it comes to their marital expectations. A couple experiences issues because they base many of their expectations off an over-romanticized media culture; rather than structuring their values from personal experience or what is best for the relationship. Partners that have experienced these problems are now changing the basis of their relationship in hope for greater success. 

Aspirations for a wonderful marriage create conflict. After witnessing friends and family make this mistake, a couple is rightfully hesitant to take on those expectations. This is the reasoning behind the decreasing number of marriages. In “State of Our Unions” Popenoe elaborates on this hesitation by stating, “It seems reasonable that if divorce removes poor marriages from the pool of married couples and cohabitation ‘trial marriages’ deter some bad marriages from forming” (Popenoe 19).  This explains the trend that after a divorce, one will cautiously adjusts back into a new relationship through cohabitation. Many unwed partners choose to never marry again, and that choice gives the couple the highest chance for happiness. According to Social Indicators of Marital Health and Well Being in the United States, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce (Unmarried Cohabitation). This data provides support to the idea that expectations for the next relationship to be better, will only lead to failure. However, the media continues to fantasize the perfect relationship. 

Recently in the media, people are calming that today’s youth will not be prepared for the real world, they are hoodlums, and are pampered. Nonetheless, the fact that Americas youth may be declining intellectually and culturally as a result of increased technology use and improper media exposer is incorrect. The reason for the problems children are having today are derived from the unsuccessful marriages and worthless childrearing. Which are all increasing due to the reorganization of family life and intimate relationships caused by the individualization of marriages, the increase in cohabitation, and impractical relationship expectations. 
