Adoption is a beauty gift; but for some it can be worrisome and incomplete. These hard feelings can be dispelled when choosing to partake in, what one calls, an open adoption. There are many different ways of defining open adoption: just having rights to birth records and medical histories, the parents knowing and communicating with the birth parents, the two families sharing a relationship and the child knowing and creating a bond with their birth parents. My personal adoption was completely open and I would have it no other way. 

I was adopted at six years old after my birth mother had passed away. At the time I could not believe that my birth dad, who had been the stay at home parent, was giving me away. By doing this my half-brother, who I had grown up with, and I were being separated for the first time- his birth dad wanted him back. I was confused and upset, being thrown into a new family with a little sister, I told the judge that I did not want to be adopted but my opinions and thoughts were thrown out the window. Though initially upset, I slowly grew to love my new family and as I grew older I realized that giving me up was the hardest but bravest thing my birth dad had ever done. Though I did not see him as much as I wanted to, every time, without fail, he would start to cry upon seeing my face and asking me to smile. It is hard for me to see my birth dad because it sometimes hurts to see how much he hurts and loves but I could not imagine my life any other way. My family also continues to be a presence in my birth brother’s and birth cousin’s lives. Because they are not as well off as us we try to make sure they have all the essentials and know how much we love them. When I was little I did not understand but now I know that I truly live the best of both worlds: I live a life in which two families love me, I can be a part of my birth families lives without knowing what it feels like to live on the poverty line, I go to bed at night knowing where I come from and how I got here. 

My sister, Ann, was also adopted into my family; however, we share very different stories. Ann was adopted the day she was born, therefore was adopted before I was. Her birth mom was able to hold her and know my parents but Ann was not able to meet her until she was eight years old. Growing up, especially after seeing me interact with my birth family, my sister had many questions. She wanted to know where she came from, who her parents were, and who her birth stepbrothers were. My parents told her about her birth mom but she was not stable enough to meet Ann. However, at six years old she got to meet her stepbrothers. I still remember the awkward interactions but more importantly I remember the huge smile Ann had afterwards and her constantly telling her friends of her huge new family. One thing that hit Ann hard from this interaction was that, (1) all her brothers had been adopted into the same family and (2) her brothers had met and interacted with their mother. It hurt Ann not knowing and she bounced off the walls the day she met her birth mom. My parents loved that they could help Ann know where she came from and show her the women that had blessed them with a child. Since that day we have stayed in contact her birth family; however, Ann will never know who her dad is and she is left with that wonder and pain. 

Though Ann and my adoption were both open adoptions, the only thing that Ann originally had access to was information: about her medical history and what her birth mother was like. During this time, Ann says she lived with continual wondering and hurt, not knowing for sure what was real. Because of this, I will define the open adoption I will argue for as, “open adoption gives access to birth records, gives access to medical records, and gives the family and child an opportunity to create a bond with the birth parent.” With open adoption a child is not left wondering where they came from, giving them piece of mind. The child feels the love of two different sets of families and knows for certain that they were given up because they were loved. By knowing the circumstances of their life in full and the process in which their adoption occurred, the child is able to grow a maturity that most children cannot grasp. The parents are not left wondering how they are going to answer difficult questions the child might have because everything is known between the families. Though there are many benefits, one might argue that the birth and adoptive parents cannot find their rightful place in the child’s life when two sets of parents are involved. Though there might be some struggles, the benefits of open adoption far outweigh the cons of open adoption. Closed adoption on the other hand, gives one access to none of these benefits and the child is left with nothing, not even information. Because of this, open adoptions are better for the health, mental stability, and love of a child than closed adoptions while also giving the adoptive and birth parents’ peace of mind.

While many decades of history have seen closed adoption as the only and main choice for adoption recent years and families have started to realize that open adoption is by far the better option. Before open adoption came to light many families “discovered that the birth parents’ presence remained in the adoptive family, even though the presence had no name” (Siegel) because of this “adoptive parents came to understand that their complete ignorance about the birth family impaired their ability to answer reasonable questions their adopted children asked” (Siegel). Unanswered questions leave the child continually wondering and worrying about where they come from causing unnecessary stress.  They might even start to wonder if the parents are even telling them the truth about why or how they ended up in their family. Though this was the case, in the 1960s the seal was broken and people involved in adoption started speaking out, “telling of how secrecy in confidential adoption led to confusion, anger, frustration, alienation, and misery” (Siegel). Because of this movement some people started to feel the freedom of what an open adoption could lead to, including a birth mother’s choice in where her child ended up. A woman named Ms. Lee had her child, Anthony ripped from her when he was a baby. Both he and she spent their whole lives trying to find one another. All she wanted was to “know that he was cared for… that he was loved” (Daley et al.), however, he died knowing none of this and asked to be buried in the place he was taken “in case his mother should ever come looking for him” (Daley et al.). Because of stories like this one realizes that closed adoption not only hurts the emotions and spirit of the birthmother, but also the child. One can spend their whole life searching for the truth and never find their story. The guilt is left on the one that never was able to share the light of the truth. In this case, the mother feels even more pain knowing that her son never knew the truth. Because of times like these “‘birthmothers have a lot more control than they used to,’ says Marianne Berry, one of the leading open adoption experts in the country. ‘They get to decide who gets their babies’” (ABC). The child is not the only one entitled to know where they are from; the birth parents should have the right to know where the child ends up. While some birth mother’s think that they do not want to be a part of the child’s life because it might be too hard, the mothers that have been involved in open adoption will disagree. While one mother “struggled [initially] with letting go,” she now feels “comfort in seeing [her] son with his family, whom [she] can no longer image him or [herself] without” (Seek). For the birth parents, it may be a hard at first and it may honestly never get easier because they lost a part of themselves, but they know that at the end of the day, they did what was best for that missing piece and they love that they are still able to watch their happiness and watch them grow. 

Through this newfound open adoption the child matures and grows. They are able to create connections with multiple family members and know what, exactly, they are a part of. “Research points to beneficial relationships between open arrangements for children’s development and overall satisfaction with adoption” (Barth et al. 607) which shows that because of an open adoption a child’s thoughts could be stronger and more mature than that of a child facing closed adoption. In the study of the Minnesota-Texas Adoption Research Project, results concluded: “discussing birth parents with children does not necessarily introduce confusion into the adoptive family, and that proactive cooperation among birth and adoptive parents improves children’s socioemotional outcomes” (Brath et al. 609). Most children can handle the facts of a confusing family, they are able to learn and comprehend these things. It is when children are faced with unanswered questions that they are left confused and bewildered. For people outside of the family it sometimes is hard to keep up with all the relatives and half family but for a six year old adoptee, named Phelan, he had no trouble naming, “‘that’s Moriah. She’s my birth mother Camren, he’s my birth father. And that’s me with Mom and Dad. And that’s Granny Carmen’ (his birth father’s mother)” (Winerip). Phelan is a prime example of the understanding most adoptee have when they get to know and love their adoptive and birth families. In some cases if the child knows nothing about their past “chances are that the child will invent an imaginary one” (Herlem 68). This can be dangerous because they may share lies with their friends and other families, they continue to be confused for their life. However, with open adoption one does not need to worry about this because all is out in the open. The child’s health is also at stake when it comes to adoption. While the Grace, the 5-year-old girl adoptee loves playing with her family and the family “wouldn’t change anything” (Earl), because of the closed adoption the birth mom requested the girl will never have her health records and might have a multitude of questions later on in life. Not having medical records can be very dangerous, especially if some medical occurrence happens later in life, like a heart problem. My birth Mom and Aunt both had heart problems and knowing this I was able to be proactive and keep a watchful eye on my own heart. I feel a lot safer having this knowledge and so do my parents.

Many people have many unwarranted fears about open adoption. Some of these include: “what if a birthmother shows up unannounced after the adoption has gone through and wants to reclaim her baby?” (ABC), what if the birth and adoptive parents will not be able to find their rightful places in the child’s life, and what if it is too confusing for the child? All of these fears and doubts have been proven wrong through personal experiences and studies. It has been “found that those families in open arrangements reported the highest levels of satisfaction with their adoptions, whereas those with little to no contact report being least satisfied” and most tend to want to “increase contact, and almost none indicated a desire for less” (Barth et al. 609). Open adoption tends to be one of those things in which people always have their doubts until they are a part of it and realize how wonderful of a system it truly is. Everything is more confusing until you take the time to learn about it and be a part of it. It may be hard for the parents to find their true place in the child’s life but it is happening everyday, it is a process that “forces an adoptive parent to confront the pain that adoption is built on” while, also, “cultivating a real love between birth parents and child” (Seek). Many adoptive parents know the sacrifice the birth parents have give up and are grateful they gave them the gift of a child, because of this it is not hard to give the birth parent something in return – the love of the child. Though it may sometimes be painful at times it is always worth it to the parents if it means that their child is happier, wiser, and healthier for it. 

While all kinds of open adoptions are starting to become more popular, it is important to continue to travel down this path until we have a world where open adoption in which the adoptee and birth parents create a bond becomes the norm. Through this bond that the family and birth family have, the child matures knowing that the world is a messy place but finds comfort that the child is able to understand why and how this mess works. The child is healthier knowing where he comes from through medical records and why the child might have certain interests in different hobbies. The child feels completely loved knowing that their adoptive parents love them and that their birth parents did not give them up, but loved them so much that they wanted them to have a better life. Closed adoption keeps the doors closed to these same benefits while open adoption truly opens the doors to the ways in which the child’s and parents’ lives can be improved. I know from first hand experience that my sister’s life, her birth siblings’ lives, my parents’ lives, our birth parents’ lives, and my life have been forever changed for the better because of our open adoptions. Hopefully, many lives can be changed for the better through an ongoing change toward open adoption.

Upon learning of the wonders of open adoption, one gains a respect for the families of all adoptees, knowing that what they endure is complicated and sometimes even hard. But because one believes in the rights to a happy life, one is willing to except some of the hardship that comes with it, for in the end it is all worth it. In a world where the human race is continually striving to ensure all of one’s naturally born rights are give with openness, it is only fitting that we give adoptees that same right. The right to know where they have come from, the right to medical records and illnesses they are susceptible to, the right to fulfilling their curiosity, the right to happiness, and the right to an open adoption. 
