In a nation filled with issues such as child obesity, discrimination, and climate change, one that flies under the radar is the heightened rate of divorce. The current rate among married couples hovers around fifty percent. This may not be a paramount issue to some people, but as a child of divorce, it pains me to know that so many people have to go through this grueling process. Divorce is often cause by a lack of communication, lost feelings, or fighting. A possible reason these may occur in a relationship is because the couple chose to live together before marriage, also known as cohabitation. I was first introduced to the idea of cohabitation, the event of moving in with a partner prior to marriage, when my girlfriend brought up that in the event of us getting married, she would not want to move in together until after we had gotten officially married. Her reasons stem from personal moral standards and current family beliefs that a couple should wait until marriage to move in together. Her sister is also currently waiting until marriage with her fiancé. My views were being challenged on something that I never really considered. To me, it was the norm to move in with someone before marriage and I originally thought that it was set in stone that we would move in with each other after college. It is what my parents had done and what I planned to do. The surprising thing to me is that my views were changed. After research and talking with her about this, I agree. I believe that moving in with a partner prior to marriage can be extremely detrimental to a couple’s relationship in the future. I understand that people are excited to move in with each other post-graduation, but couples have the rest of their lives to live together. Another year or two alone should not determine if a relationship is successful or not. Hopefully, we will all have to make this decision in the future so being informed on how to successfully and healthfully make the transition to having a living partner is critical. 

According to Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist and writer for the New York Times, cohabitation has risen more than 1500% over the past half decade. She adds that, “In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, ‘You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along. About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce’” (Jay).  However, Jodie Redmon, a freelance writer who has experience in the litigation field gives us statistics from the US Attorney Legal Services, says, “If the couple chooses to live together as an alternative to being married at all, the likelihood that the relationship will break up within five years is 49 percent. At the 10-year mark, a married couple has a 33 percent chance of breaking up. For the unmarried couple who is living together, the likelihood of a breakup is a whopping 62 percent” (Redmon). Redmon is also able to tell us that those who wait until marriage to move in together only have a 20 percent chance of getting divorced over the next five years, a staggering difference. It is a disheartening statistic to know that over fifty percent of couples that do not wait will end up breaking up or getting divorced. From personal experience, the impact that this has on possible kids in the relationship, along with the partners, is monumental and extremely rough. It leaves a huge emotional impact on both parties. As stated later in the essay, the division of material goods and the fighting that goes along with this is also challenging. Divorce is something that is almost common in the United States, and the chance of finding a family who has not broken up at least once is almost unconventional. 

Over time, young adults have been groomed into believing that it is the social norm to move in together, which in today’s society it actually may be. In one survey, sixty-one percent of people believed that pre-marital cohabiting leads to an increased chance of marriage (Gordon). A strong belief that just moving in can lead to marriage sounds appealing to many, but this had led to a high number of eventual problems later on. We are introduced to the term “Cohabitation effect” in Jay’s essay. The cohabitation effect is, “Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not” (Jay). The research is clear in stating that making this huge life decision prematurely can easily lead to negative effects in the relationship. Things such as verbal fighting, abuse, and communication errors are all possible results. Getting out of these relationships may also be harder than one thinks. 

When two people live together it is almost always assumed that they will split the cost of things such as rent, appliances, food, etc. They will begin to buy their furniture and possibly decide that they want to get something of more monetary and emotional value, such as a pet. Hopefully all of the couples that do this end up staying together, but we know that this is not the case. The problem is, the ones who end up wanting to leave face the question of how. They have spent the past few years purchasing a multitude of items while building a relationship and now they are conflicted on how to leave. This is something called relationship inertia. Amie Gordon, a writer for Psychology Today defines this as, “Simply enough, it is harder to end a relationship when you are living with your partner. The threat of having to separate belongings may be enough to keep some couples together! Thus, some couples may find themselves on a path toward marriage because it seems more palatable than the alternative” (Gordon). This is also known as “sliding in” to your marriage. You marry someone who you otherwise would not have just because you are living together and do not want to complicate things by moving out. With only about fifty percent of first time cohabiters going on to marry, this is a recurring problem (Rhoades qtd. by Donevan).  A possible solution to this could be making a clear commitment to each other. Having an honest, in depth discussion of what the expectations are for each other and where the relationship is heading. Many guys will eventually get lazy and not feel rushed to propose, often resulting in a decreasing interest in the spontaneous adventure of the relationship itself. Dr. Galena Rhoades, a Research Associate Professor at University of Denver told the Huffington Post, “It’s not that everyone who moves in with their partner is going to be at risk for poor marital outcomes.” She continues to say, “What we have found is that it’s really the people who live with someone before they have a clear mutual commitment to getting married” (Roades qtd. by Adams.) 

Another factor to go along with the clear mutual commitment is the age when a couple moves in together. More recent studies have shown that it is not entirely moving in that leads to divorce, but the age when you do it. Arielle Kuperberg, a graduate student at the University of Pennsylvania was looking in her sociology textbook when she noticed that the strongest predictor of divorce was when the couple says, “I do.” This led her to do research on the topic of cohabiting. Lauren Fox of The Atlantic says, “The research shows that at 23—the age when many people graduate from college, settle into adult life and begin becoming financially independent—the correlation with divorce dramatically drops off” (Fox). This partially goes in opposition to the research on cohabiting being an awful thing. Through the study conducted by Kuperberg, Fox is able to explain why age may play more of a factor than just moving in with someone. However, despite the research, in very little way does this affect the current studies on cohabiting. The divorce rate for an 18 year old will easily be higher than a college graduate because they are not mature enough to make a decision like that. Like Fox said, the correlation with divorce dramatically drops off at age 23; that is because in Kuperberg’s research she compared it to such a young adult. If that research were to be compared to someone in their late twenties or early thirties rather than someone who has just graduated high school the results would be much different. The results of this study are beneficial to younger couples in the midst of making the decision to live together, however, this one study does not do enough to convince people that cohabiting is flawless. 

The main dilemma with cohabitation that we face as a society is how to solve it. It is not like obesity where we can teach individuals to eat better or work out more; it is a decision that you have to make with another person. It is a decision that takes time and in the case that you have opposing views, it is something you have to devote a lot of time to. Like obesity, there is always going to be people who choose to cohabitate, but the more that number goes down, the better. We are a nation that relies on the younger generation to carry us into the future; we do not want them to be broken. To solve this issue we first need to make people aware of it. As stated in the first paragraph, not many people actually know about this and the multitude of effects that stem from it. Making this a main issue that gets national spotlight will most likely never happen but that does not mean we just ignore it. Couples who have successfully waited until marriage need to be willing to go into schools and businesses to share their positive experiences. On the other hand, failed cohabiters need to be willing to do the same. The younger population can be influenced more easily due to the well-known fact that the brain does not develop until around age 25. If the general consensus among the youth is that waiting until marriage is the right thing to do, others will follow. According to Stephen Thomas, a writer for WSI Digital Marketing, “More than any other generation Millennials are driven by social opinions and Social Proof. 84% of Millennials rely on social opinions as a key part of their decision making process” (Thomas). If one couple sees another couple that they are close to, or even their parents, wait until after they are married, they will often be persuaded to believe it is right to wait. The secret key in marketing this to a younger audience may be social media. We are a world driven by electronics and social media is now often one of the main mediums used to spread news. Companies who want to promote certain causes have been able to do so through platforms such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. The government should be in charge of paying for certain PSAs to keep their nation healthy, but until then, we need to carry the burden. Subtly putting ideas about waiting on someone’s newsfeed could be all it takes for them to look into the topic more. All the ideas are clearly not perfect but making this a popular topic will always be a challenge. By implementing such standards the national rate of divorce will drastically decline and healthy relationships will increase. 

As much as this seems like a personal issue, we all need to realize how much this impacts our nation as a whole. The ripple effect from an unsuccessful, ugly relationship is likely to cause issues not only between the couples, but people connected to them as well. If we want to advance as a nation, we need to make sure we are working together. It seems like fixing relationships are only a small part of this, but our relational health is a key part in our advancement. Our children, friends, and coworkers will all have to make this important decision at one point in their life, it is our responsibility to make sure they are making the right one. 

 