Some of the most significant experiences in life occur during childhood.  These experiences have the ability to shape the child as a person while influencing personality, behavior, and psychology. There are many complex factors, including the role of a sibling, that affect these experiences in child development. Research studies composed across the world have shown that the absence or presence of siblings greatly impacts the ways in which a child will learn, handle, and view life. The results offer advantages and disadvantages for both being raised with or without a sibling, but it is evident that children with siblings have a greater gain. While only children fight labels of negative stereotypes, children with good sibling relationships have a better opportunity to develop an early skill set in socialization, healthy characteristics and self-esteem, as well as an inimitable, life-long relationship.

Only children grow up in a very different environment than children with siblings. Therefore, they are forced to follow different paths of development. Unfortunately for only children, the path they will take is a bit longer in learning social skills. This is because siblings are given the opportunity to interact with each other and learn these skills at a young age, unlike only children who aren’t exposed to children socialization at home on a daily basis. Children with siblings spend about 33 percent of their free time with each other, which is more than the amount of time they spend with parents, friends, teachers, or by themselves (Sorenson 99). During this time of social interaction, siblings take on many roles in the interchanging, teacher-learner relationship. According to Sorenson, “As a sibling, they have acted as a playmate, collaborator, co-conspirator, tormentor, an object of both envy and pride and as a vehicle to cultivate empathic feelings” (99). During these experiences, children are learning how to cooperate, compromise, and deal with conflict through playing, sharing, and fighting. 

Children are also able to learn social skills through sibling relationships in an indirect way. For example, children are able to take the skills they have learned outside of the house and bring them back home to practice with their sibling. In addition, they can benefit from watching their parents and siblings interact which teaches them to deal with differential treatment, rivalry, and jealousy (Kitzmann 300). Because only children miss out on these opportunities, they are forced to learn social skills elsewhere. In many cases, they become self-involved in the process. According to an interview constructed by Mike Pearl with expert psychologist Carl E. Pickhardt Ph.D., only children have a tendency to look out for their own self-interests and also attach themselves to materialistic possessions since they do not have a sibling to attach to (VICE). He continues to explain that issues of sharing, cooperation, compromise, and making concessions, might remain throughout the development of an only child, who is used to “calling their own shots” and “controlling their own performance”, until they are forced to get used to working with other people and change. When performance and success depends on teamwork, the only child will be willing to develop the socialization skills that they might not have developed earlier in life due to the lack of a sibling (Pearl). Therefore, only children have the ability to achieve the same social competence as children with siblings, but typically take much longer to do so. 

Many people believe that only children are socially inept, self-centered, spoiled, and incapable of sharing. These stereotypes are not always applicable, although certain research projects uncover some truth in the assumed personalities and qualities of only children as well as disadvantages in interacting with peers. In one study presented by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, only children were compared with first and second born siblings (both from 2-child families) in third through sixth grade. The results show that only children received significantly lower social preference scores and acceptance ratings, meaning that they were less popular and less accepted than first and second born siblings in the class. This information agrees with the research found in a study done in China which compares the scores of intelligence, personality, and creativity between college-aged only children and others with siblings. There were no differences in intelligence, while only children scored higher in flexibility/creativity and children with siblings scored higher in agreeableness, which measures sociability, empathy, and human connections. The study also examined brain scans in which children with siblings showed larger activity in the area that processes emotional information called the medial prefrontal cortex. The brain scans of only children, on the other hand, showed more activity in the supramarginal gyrus, which relates to flexibility, imagination, and switching between tasks (Walton).  Despite the fact that only children are more creative and imaginative, the matching results from both studies regarding the agreeableness of children with siblings further proves that they have an advantage in socialization.

In addition to lack of agreeableness, inexperience with conflict can lead to many problems for the only child. For example, it may cause aggressive/disruptive, victimized, or passive-withdrawal behaviors. According to the first study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, only children scored significantly higher in aggressive and victimized behavior compared to first and second born siblings while scoring slightly higher in passive withdrawal behavior. It is unclear how these behaviors are related to each other. It is possible that some only children are more passive and other only children are more aggressive as a result of being unable to handle conflict. On the other hand, it is possible that only children are passive at some times and aggressive at other times depicting a range of issues regarding conflict management. According to Kitzmann, it is challenging to give an accurate answer about these behaviors of only children, but it is important to find out, “because by middle childhood both social withdrawal and aggression are correlated with peer rejection… Rejection, in turn, is associated with increased risk for later adjustment problems” (311). Because the sample of children in this study were in third- sixth grade, the results didn’t produce significant conclusions in rejected social behavior. However, the children who scored highly in these behavioral issues are likely to experience rejection as they grow older.

Although the only child is associated with loneliness, there surprisingly isn’t a difference between the number of mutual friends in the classroom or quality of mutual friendships of children with and without siblings. In other words, only children have the same capability to establish and maintain the same types of friendships as children with siblings. This statistic seems unfitting compared to the research regarding agreeableness and aggressive behavior. However, the research report suggests that there is no advantage of having siblings because friendship formation may be heavily influenced by the parent-child relationship. According to Surv, the close relationship with parents causes the only child to seek long-lasting, genuine, and intimate friendships rather than to be part of a large crowd (Psychology Today). Although only children do not experience a disadvantage in making friends, Kitzmann continues to explain that there are greater opportunities for socialization in interactions with siblings in addition to interactions with parents. Kitzmann states, 

Whereas all children learn about social relationships in the context of the very hierarchical parent-child relationship, siblings also gain experience from less-hierarchical interactions with siblings, interactions that share some features of peer interaction systems. Children with siblings may also gain additional knowledge of social relationships by observing parent-sibling interactions, and, in families with more than two children, by observing interactions among siblings.

Although a child can benefit from a close relationship with his/her parents, it is sometimes hurtful to their development. For example, children become more serious and unable to relate to child-like behavior as a result to spending most of their time with adult peers. The inability to relate causes only children to feel different, alone, and like an outsider in a group of kids. This may seem shocking to some due to the stereotype that only children are narcissistic and bossy. However, Sorenson states that in many cases that is simply how only children appear on the outside when they are feeling “unsure and insecure” internally. She continues, “Only-children appear adult, whilst lack of siblings means that there are few opportunities to develop the emotional skills that lead to a positive self-image and emotional maturity” (27). 

In addition to stress from parental relationships, the stereotypes imposed on only children affect their self-esteem. Based on societal assumptions, only children sometimes feel ashamed, embarrassed, and disconnected. It is obviously not their fault that they do not have any siblings, but society deems them guilty for holding the privilege of not having to share with a sibling while being needy, spoiled, and overprotected. According to Sorenson, “stereotypes are damaging but usually contain a grain of truth… The insecurely attached child would be prone to many of the characteristics often associated with only children: demanding and needing attention or cut-off and aloof” (175). Therefore, the stereotypes of only-children become true due to insecurities that stem from them. However, secure only children are able to overcome these labels and are not as largely effected by the lack of emotional learning provided by siblings. This group of only children with strong relations to their parents have reported that they do not feel lonely or different from children with siblings, and instead feel the same types of validation and companionship as them. 

On the other hand, neglect from parents can also lead to low self-esteem in both children with and without siblings. Children with siblings, nevertheless, do not have to rely solely on their parents for love, support, or help. According to Sibling Relationships: Their Nature and Significance Across the Lifespan, some of the many functions siblings can fulfil in early life include, “help with childhood problems, support in dealing with parents or others outside the family, loans or gifts of clothes, toys, sports equipment, money, and so on.” Especially in problems at home, a sibling can be most comforting. For example, the high rate of divorce has the ability to tear families a part. Many times children seek warmth and stability in a sibling. Unfortunately, only children do not have this option in times of distress regarding family matters. Sorenson quotes a research study,

Relating to brothers and sisters and having to accommodate them, however reluctantly, is an invaluable training for later life. Sure, you can get by without it. Sure, you can often catch up on the experience later as many only children do. Sure, not having to think about others leaves you freer to achieve academically, to take on adult responsibilities earlier. But what siblings do provide is an emotional remaining for life that is difficult, if not possible to replicate.

This helping hand that siblings serve is likely to always be available regardless of the situation and last for the rest of their lives. 

 In addition to being helpful to a sister or brother, siblings develop intense loyalties to one another. Siblings are likely to sacrifice and take great risk to attend to their sibling regardless of how small or large it may be. For example, a sibling will give up one of their interests, such as watching TV, to help their sibling with homework. In addition, they will always defend one another against outside threats. For instance, it is in a sibling’s natural instinct to stick up for their brother or sister when they are being bullied. According to Sibling Relationships: Their Nature and Significance Across the Lifespan, “when threatened by an outside force, loyal siblings will close ranks and protect each other” (259). Many times when a sibling sees the other in trouble or danger, they act irrationally to help and provide as much protection as they possibly can. Unfortunately, only children aren’t born with a companion who has an automatic, unconditional love for them. When they need someone to be there for them in rough times, there isn’t a sibling for them to call on. They will never know the type of support or connection a person gains from having a sibling. 

Sometimes loyalties between siblings can be as simple as acting in a way that no one else understands. For example, speaking in code or a special language brings siblings together in a “privately shared world” (Sibling Relationships: Their Nature and Significance Across the Lifespan 258). Another instance is when siblings have an exclusive sense of humor or inside joke. Many times siblings have established these jokes since birth and ban anyone else from being a part of it. According to the Journal of Marriage and Family, “sibling influences on youth development and adjustment are unique in the sense that evidence of sibling influences emerges even after the effects of other significant relationships are taken into account” (923). Research has shown that it is rare for anyone else to come in between siblings because of the strength of their loyalties and inimitable bond. 

The relationship between siblings is incredibly unique and special. It is different from the bond made with parents and unlike any other friendship formed. First, siblings do not choose their siblings like they choose their friends. Second, there is an age difference between siblings which requires more effort and a certain balance of compromise between the children in order to get along well. According to Kitzmann, sibling relationships normally display, “greater emotional intensity and less reciprocity than friendships. Even if there is carryover of behavioral patterns from the sibling relationship to the friendship, child behaviors have different meanings in these two social contexts” (311). There is a certain strength that makes sibling relationships so strong that influential factors, such as sex and age, do not affect the degree of closeness as shown in research studies. Sibling relationships are “closer, deeper, more automatic and spontaneous” than any other relationship (Sibling Relationships). According to the work edited by Michael E. Lamb and Brian Sutton-Smith, “Perhaps the sibling relationship is unaffected by these other factors [sex and age] because they are irrelevant to this relationship in the sense that what really matters is the fact that they are siblings, and everything else is minor” (85). This idea ties together the helping behavior, loyalties, and special intimacy siblings feel towards one another. Dr. Avidan Milevsky tells a story that not only empowers the specialness of a sibling relationship, but also displays how it is incomparable to a parent relationship:

A few weeks ago as my 20-month-old daughter was playing outside she stumbled, bumped her head, and lost consciousness. I frantically called the paramedics and as they were wheeling her on a stretcher into the ambulance, I noticed my 7-year-old son observing the chaos and looking quite upset. I proceeded to reach out to him to offer some comfort but as he was giving me a half-hearted hug he made eye contact with his 9-year-old brother and instinctively ran up to him as they embraced for a full ten seconds. There was something irreplaceable that brother support offered during that moment that surpassed anything that a father’s hug had to offer. Siblings have the potential of providing each other a fundamental and matchless sense of comfort, love and mutuality.   

While many only children are lucky enough to find someone who they consider like a sibling, it is impossible for them to truly feel the entirety of a sibling bond. 

Only children and children with siblings have different childhood experiences which influence the way they develop. The skills children learn from their siblings are the first basis of structure they have that help them to interact with other peers and adults. Therefore, sibling relationships give children an advantage in learning how to socialize and develop a healthy self-esteem.  Only children, however, take a longer time to learn these skills because they are not raised with another child at home who can teach them. Furthermore, insecurities and low self-esteem emerge when parent involvement is too strong or too weak, in addition to the influences of stereotypes that make them believe they are socially inept, spoiled, and self-absorbed. However, siblings serve as a buffer in the family system and provide help and loyalty to their brothers/sisters. Only children are unfortunately deprived of many learning and social opportunities due to the absence of a sibling. The sibling relationship is incredibly unique, inimitable and irreplaceable, as well as plays an important role in the development of children.  
