There is a fundamental need to be part of something greater than the individual life. Regardless of how one fulfills the need to be accepted, it simply lives within humans. Although it may seem insignificant to some, Jane McGonial uses the example of a video game to prove her claim that humans long to be accepted. “The single best way to add meaning to our lives is to connect our daily actions to something bigger than ourselves—and the bigger, the better” (102).  Humans strive to have meaning, and in order to fulfill that need it is crucial to get outside of the individual life and enter into the bigger picture. Many people argue there are different sources that drive the need to belong, or that there are some cases in which wanting to be accepted is distorted, but regardless of where it comes from, a need to be accepted resides.

The extent of one’s desire to belong is determined from a very young age. The developmental stages of a child are critical when it comes to social acceptance. When children grow up in an environment where they are not treated in a certain regard, their response is to bully those around them. Children have a need to diminish others when they have been diminished themselves. Bullying is derived from issues with parents, a lack of emotional support, the feeling of inadequacy, a want for power, and many more specific issues (Underwood and Ehrenreich). When children do not feel they belong, they lash out in an aggressive form. Humans are pushed by the desire to belong. In some cases, humans can be pushed to the point of conforming to the society around them to simply feel accepted (Ratele 82).

Being lost is an idea that most people know very well, yet that same feeling can often be a foreign concept. “To belong is to fit, to be part of something, a place, a group, cause; to be accustomed to, to be home. It also means to conform” (Ratele 82). The need to belong causes such a motivation for people to be part of society. The extreme result of this will cause someone to change everything about them to simply belong. This concept of conforming is very present in teenage years of a person, but it all derived from their childhood. 

There are often misconceptions about the drive to be accepted in society, and it lies within the personality of a person. Humans can be categorized into two different personality types: introverts and extroverts. Introverts are energized and “recharged” when they spend time within themselves, whereas extroverts get that energy by spending time with other people (Granneman). Chemicals are released into the brain and each person absorbs one more than the other. This absorption of chemicals is what distinguished a person as an introvert versus an extrovert. The misconception lies in believing those who are introverted do not have the same drive to belong. But the fact is regardless of what ones’ personality is like, a desire to belong exists, but it may be displayed differently.

“We often seem to be living in an extrovert world—it is the route to attention,” Myrna Santos writes in “An Introvert in and Extrovert World”. Santos bring up an incredibly valid point: the form by which society has taken on is one that leaves humans striving for attention. Although attention and acceptance may not seem to be interchangeable, on a deeper level the two words have a greater connection. Attention may be what is shown on the outside, yet in reality acceptance is what a person strives towards. Some extroverts become the best version of themselves when they are around other people, and yet introverts reach their peak when they are alone. But the misconception lies in believing that because introverts reach that ideal peak alone, they have a lesser want to belong to society. 

Although some will argue that a need for social acceptance is a result of personality, others argue that the society one lives in is the determining factor of how large the desire to be accepted is. There are two layouts to society, say Leary and Cottrell in Evolution of the Self, the Need to Belong, and Life in a Delayed-Return Environment. The first being a delayed-return society and the other being an immediate-return society. In a society classified as immediate, humans get an instant response to their actions. On the contrary, people who live in society that is considered a delayed-return environment do not get an immediate response to their actions (Leary and Cottrell). Leary and Cottrell make the claim that when a person lives in a society that does not have immediate-return, they are left with a feeling of social rejection. This concept makes perfect sense, when a person is immediately left with a result, there is instant satisfaction and therefore contentment (Leary and Cottrell). Whereas if immediate results are not returned to a person, a feeling of inadequacy is life, leaving an empty feeling. Society is one more aspect that influences the need to be accepted in humans. 

 Community is where people turn to fulfill the desire of acceptance. Religion is one place in the community people especially go searching for. Religion is another aspect that ties into the extent one will go to be part of something outside of their own life. But the way in which society plays out now, people have this need to belong to more than one religion. “It is not uncommon for Christians who attend church on Sunday to be found studying kabbalah, practicing yoga, or visiting a traditional healer during the week, without thereby ceasing to belong to the Christian community” (Roberts 43). Although this is the case for many people, to fully belong to one group takes complete focus, making it nearly impossible to completely belong to more than one religious group. In just the way that society is laid out, it pushes people to need to be accepted. But the question that begs is society itself forcing people into a mental state that invokes social acceptance? 

“... People experience a sense of well-being and enhanced functioning when the need to belong is fulfilled” (Brown 778). Fundamentally, there is a want to be accepted written inside of humans, but there are cases when that need to be accepted can be distorted. Those who suffer from mental illness have a different view when it comes to belonging to something outside of their own life. “Socially anxious people desire interactions, but are less likely than other people to pursue them (and be successful) because they fear humiliation or rejection” (Beidel and Turner, 1988). Although it may be argued that those who face mental blocks are completely opposed to belonging, the fact is that they want to belong but have a different way of pursuing it. People with social anxiety do not want to be alone, but would rather be with one person whom they trust, then surrounded by strangers (Brown 782).

 Hester Parr discovers the concept that there indeed are two different types of belonging in “Mental Health, the Arts, and Belonging”. Parr follows two artists with mental illness and discovers something huge. In the first artist, he finds that needing to belong only takes place in the moment. After a single moment passes by, the want to belong fades away. When Parr followed a different artist, he discovered the artist has a sense of social insiderness, or a want to turn within. (Parr 151). People with mental illness still crave acceptance, but it takes on a different form. The need to be part of something more lasts only in the moment, and it will only last with the people immediately surrounding them. 

Most humans have an innate desire to be a part of something more than their own life. The need to belong is simply written inside of our DNA. Although everyone will argue the need to belong is invoked by a different source, acceptance is an idea people desire. Belonging can be the one thing that dictates everything else in a person’s life. Every individual will have a different need for how much they crave acceptance, and there are many explanations for how this need is determined. For example, the way a person grew up, the society in which they grew up in, or the way their own mind works. However, written inside of humans is a greater longing to be part of something greater than their individual life, and to be connected to more.
