As new generations are rising, so are the new mindsets and viewpoints that come with them. These new viewpoints and mindsets can variate in eating habits, gender roles, and raising a family. The traditional American family that, historically speaking, the majority of people have seen is starting to become less and less common. Mothers are working more and more outside of the home, gay marriage is legal, cohabiting is on the rise, while marriages rates are decreasing, which shows that this new generation is more open to change. Children are a huge factor to the future of our country, so we want to make sure they are being raised in the best way possible to continue and improve the legacies of the United States. It all starts with the parents and how they raise their children. Although these new definitions of marriage and family are becoming more common and accepted in society, they may not foster the best environment for raising children, which may negatively affect not only the rest of these children's lives but also the future of our country.

While marriages rates are decreasing, the rates of divorce in the United States are increasing drastically. During the baby boom era, men were coming home from war and almost instantly married and began having a lot of children. The war was successful and people were at their peak of happiness. Couples got married so quickly that they disregarded getting to know their counterpart. Years late they realize that they are not a good match and divorce. This contributed to the spike in divorces. 

When you think of divorce you think of it being between the wife and husband, but the children are often forgotten in this equation. Divorce affects the whole family and drastically changes the life of the children in the family. Many of the effects on the children are negative and can negatively impact them for the rest of their lives. A majority of the time the mother gains custody of the child.

Separation in family also means separation of income. Unless the mother files for child support, she will be struggling financially to care for her and her children. The home has now become a single income household. With the rising cost of living in the United States, it has become almost impossible to be financially secure with one source of income coming in. Priorities have shifted and money must be used towards bills and daycare. This leaves very little to no money to be used towards the children's extracurricular activities. "Extracurricular activities are activities that student participate in that do not fall into the realm of normal curriculum of schools. Extracurricular activities have many positive effects on education. The positive effects that extracurricular activities have on students are behavior, better grades, school completion, positive aspects to become successful adults, and a social aspect." (Massoni 84) The most dangerous time for delinquent behavior is the time after school and before parents get home. Since the mother is now a single mother she has to work more hours to provide for her family. This opens up the opportunity for her children to get into trouble and make mistakes that could have been prevented with the presence of a responsible adult. 

While the mother has custody of the children most of the time, this means the father is less involved in the child's life. Studies have shown that children who grow up without a father are much more likely to abuse drugs, perform poorly in school, got to jail, and experience early pregnancy. Sons lack the opportunity to learn how to be a man. While daughters lack the opportunity to see how a woman showed be treated.

Sons are supposed to learn basic and complex things from their fathers. Some things only a father can teach their son to make them a better person in society. When fathers love their wife, they are showing their sons how to treat their mother, sisters, and all the women he'll meet in his life. This will set the foundation for the relationships he will have later in his life. A son needs to see his father not only succeed but to fail sometimes too. The best teacher is failure. When the son sees his father fail, and handle the failure well, he sees that it is okay to make mistakes. Whether the father is a leader at church, work, or in the community, he must be the leader of the family. The son needs to see true leadership in the home in order to carry on those traits in the future. "When the son sees the father leading by serving, he will better understand leadership and be able to more effectively lead versus follow his peers." This instills a positive and effective way of leading that the son will carry on for the rest of their life. 

To build self esteem in their son they must be able to accept and love their son no matter the choices he's made. So things require intervention, but the discipline should not mask the love you have for your son. The father's love and guidance will open the door to trust and acceptance that will build the relationship between father and son. Acknowledging the son's accomplishments verbally will make the son aware of how proud the father is of him. As a child all the son wants is to make his father proud and if they are not being recognized for the good things they do or good grades they make then they will become less motivated to continue making good choices and good grades. They will start to think they are not good enough and just give up all together. "He needs to hear the words that let him know that you love having him as a son."  Compliments like "I love you, son.", "You are amazing, son.", "I'm proud of you son.",  "That was an amazing play you made!.", "You are a hard worker.", and "You messed up, but I know you'll bounce back." , will have a greater impact on a child than you can imagine. He needs to hear the words to let him know that his father is on his side and loves him.(AllProDad)

"He needs you to discipline him in love. When you discipline your son, you set boundaries and expectations. He his going to make mistakes just like you did as a kid and just like you do now. But he also needs to know that his actions have consequences. Disciplining him in love will teach him to consider the consequences his actions will have. This will prepare him to think and evaluate the choices he makes both now and in the future." (AllProDad 7)

Not only do sons need their fathers but daughters need their fathers as well. Just like sons, there are some things that a mother can't provide as well a father can. "As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father" (AllProDad) A father plays a vital role in his daughter's journey to adulthood. 

A daughter needs her father to be involved in her life. This included showing interest in things she is interested in and hobbies, whether its sports, stamps, or animals. A father should display interest by sparking conversation about cool stamps she likes or taking her to a dog show to watch her look in amazement at the beautiful animals she is oh so passionate about. If the daughter is involved in any types of sports, the father should become an enthusiastic fan and supporter. "Show your daughter that you are interested in her life by learning more about it and trying to become part of it." (AllProDad) Small things like this help strengthen the personal relationship between father and daughter.

The first relationship a daughter experiences is the one between her mother and father. The way the parents treat each other determines the "normal" relationship the daughter will become accustom to. "If her father disrespects his wife with physical or emotional abuse, a daughter might come to believe that is the expected relationship with a husband." This increases the daughter's likely hood of getting into and remaining in a abusive relationship with their future partner. However, if the father is respectful, displays physical affection, and a true partnership with his wife then the daughter will mirror this in her own life. The father also supports their daughters, even if they don't always agree on things. "When a father fully and wholeheartedly supports his daughter, she will develop strong self-esteem and a positive self image."(AllProDad)

When a father is trusted as someone their daughter can confine into, then she will be more open to talking about personal problems and issues. This opens up the opportunity for the father to provide his words of wisdom, encouragement, and advice to guide his daughter down the right path. "Unconditional lave requires that a daughter knows no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive." (AllProDad) 

Good fathers provide a positive role model for their daughters that she will carry along with her for the rest of her life. "A father is the first man in a girl's life that she will intimately know. Her father sets the standard for all other men in her life, and a positive role model will help her choose a good husband in the future." (AllProDad) The example the father sets will determine the well-being of their children's lives.

As can see fathers play a huge role in the well being of their children. Some of these things mothers just cannot provide for their kids and without a father figure in their life then some of these things will be nearly impossible. Many single mothers believe they can play both mother and father to their children but in reality they can't. Vice verse, single fathers cannot provide everything a mother can provide for their children. Single father hood is not as common as single mother hood, but it can still effect the children's overall wellbeing negatively. 

There are some things that a father can provide for their sons as affectively as mothers can. "Fathers bring out more of a boy's adventurous, playful side, with the possibility of more risky pranks and greater physical impact" (Metzger 1) It has been thought that a son's close tie to his mother will make him a wimpy, dependent, "mama's boy". Studies have shown that this is not quite true. "Pushing boys to separate from their mothers and encouraging them to "man up" can be damaging to boys."(Lombardi) Studies show that boys who lack the love and affection from their mothers are more likely to "act much more hostile, destructive and aggressive later in life". (Lombardi)

Boys perform better in school when they are close to their mothers. Mothers are much more nurturing and emotional in their parenting and this makes their sons more articulate in a way. The emotional intelligence is incorporated into their sons, teaching them to recognize others feelings and express their own. This reflects in school by making them more articulate resulting in better reading and writing skills, but also better self control in the classroom. Mothers also reflect on the sons likely hood of engaging in risky behavior, improve mental health, lesson the influence of negative peer pressure, better communication skills, and social intelligence. It has been shown that mothers are the most influential when it comes to their son's decision making about alcohol, drugs, and sex. This is because mothers don't usually have the 'big talk' on drugs or sex but instead incorporate the topic into other conversations occasionally over a longer period of time. 

"Moms who keep their sons close are setting them up for success later in life, both in personal relationships and at work. Because mothers work to teach their sons emotional intelligence (starting from when the days they urge their screaming toddler to "use your words" to when they won't accept their teenage son's grunts as a reasonable response) their sons grow up with the communication skills that they need to navigate adulthood." (Lombardi) Men need the skills to work in teams and to have the communication skills and social intelligence their mothers have be instilling in them since they were born. How sons treat their mother reflects on how they will treat their wives and daughters.

Mothers play a crucial role in their daughter's life as well. Mothers teach their daughters how to love their husband. They show them what unconditional love looks like, that she can show her children one day. They show how their daughters that they are more than just their bodies but also teach them at the same time to have pride in their appearance without being vain. They show her how to make herself feel beautiful with the help of nail polish and makeup without being provocative or disrespectful to herself. The mother teaches the daughter how to be a mother. She does this by teaching her how to cook, clean, and have poise but able to speak your mind while doing so. Mothers are often the daughter's first best friend and the person they confide in when it comes to personal issues or problems.

The bottom line is that we need both mothers and fathers involved in our children's lives to provide every lesson and experience they need to become the best person they can be. When parents divorce they often think about themselves and forget the children's sake. They tend to forget the essential things that the other person provides. The statement "We don't need him/her." is very selfish. The mother may not need that man in her life but the child definitely does. 

Children with divorced and single parents are more likely to abuse drugs, perform poorly in school, develop depression, practice juvenile delinquent behavior, early pregnancy, and go to jail. We want nothing but the best for our future presidents, lawyers, scientists, doctors, teacher, mothers, and fathers. It all starts with the way we raise our children and the combined values the mother and father contributes into their lives. So, when considering divorce, think about the consequences your children have to face and what they will be missing in their life that can never be regained. 

Marriages that aren't physically or psychologically harming children should take the necessary steps to prevent divorce and work out the kinks in the relationship for the sake of your children and our future society. Counseling is my solution to ending the problem of unnecessary divorces that could have been resolved with outside help. Marriage counseling should not be embarrassing but appreciated. After working with a marriage or family therapist, 93 percent of patients said they had "more effective tools for dealing with their problems". You can be a part of that 93 percent. Are you willing to put aside your differences for the sake of your children?

