 Every nine seconds in the United States, a woman is assaulted or beaten (Bachman 3). Domestic violence, "a 'pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors and tactics by one person to gain power and control over a partner' impacts the lives of millions of women in the United States" (Halket 35). Clearly from this one statement, domestic violence is a very relevant issue that has so many lasting effects on people. Domestic violence is defined as a reoccurrence of abusive behavior in any relationship, usually in order for one partner to gain control and power (Hanson 2015). There is a stigma attached to domestic violence causing women to be questioned, "Why didn't she leave", but the truth is that there are many intriguing, valid reasons as to why women are justified in their decision to stay. 

I am interested in this topic because of the relevancy considering I am a young woman, target of the typical perpetrator, and a stakeholder of this issue. It was proven that "women ages 16-24 are three times as likely to be victims of domestic violence as women of other ages, and over 500 women this age are killed every year by abusive partners, boyfriends, and husbands in the United States" (Steiner). These numbers show why college students, specifically women, are at risk of being victims. While men are also victims of domestic violence, women are victimized more often (Halket 35). As a sister of Alpha Chi Omega Fraternity, I spend a lot of time and effort raising awareness of domestic violence. Domestic violence is prevalent on college campuses, which makes it a topic worth researching and discussing. Domestic violence goes against my values and the morals that I was taught regarding consent and self respect. I am qualified to write about this topic because I have done lots of research on foundations that support domestic violence awareness, like Sister Care, and been educated by members of Alpha Chi Omega to support my argument.

Domestic violence, an issue at first glance that seems to only have one side to it, brings forward a controversy when victims are left with a life changing decision: to stay or to leave. Silke Meyer, an academic article author who has previously interviewed 29 women who experienced severe forms of long-term intimate partner violence (IPV) brings to the readers' attention that society seems to struggle with the idea that there may be justification and valid reasons why women choose to stay with an abusive partner. Meyer also informs the public that, "there appears to be an underlying attitude that only those deciding to leave an abusive partner are worthy of being supported" (Meyer 180). I understand that it can be hard to continue to blame the perpetrator when the victim has chosen to stay in the abusive relationship. In " Stay With or Leave the Abuser? The Effects of Domestic Violence Victim's Decision on Attributions Made by Young Adults" by Megan McPherson Halket and Katelyn Gormely, the controversy regarding the woman's decision is addressed. These studies investigated attributions made by young adults when women choose between remaining to stay or leave and abusive partner. In the two studies, young adults participated and reflected upon surveys assessing attributions toward a victim of domestic violence. The results indicated, "that participants made more positive attributions about her personality characteristics and parenting ability if a woman left the relationship."  This shows the positive results in the option of a woman leaving. In spite of the predominance of domestic violence hurting women, "women are often blamed for being abused and the more intimate the relationship is, the more negative internal attributions are made toward the victim" (Halket 35). The blame is often removed from the perpetrator and put upon the woman for choosing to stay. So, the million-dollar question is, if the woman has the option to escape, why doesn't she just leave? 

Well, lets start with the facts. "Women are 75% more likely to be murdered once they leave the relationship", which is a threat that in itself can practically take away the decision (Halket 36). And although leaving is an "option", in many situations men make it physically impossible to let the woman escape. Halket's study shows, "it can take a woman, on average, five to seven times to successfully leave", and each time the woman attempts, she is creating an environment of even higher danger for herself (Halket 36). Men often try and manipulate the woman into second guessing her decision to stay with the "honeymoon phase" of the abuse cycle. They do this by minimizing the amount of violence and promising to never hurt her again, creating a sense of hope in the woman's eyes that it can only get better, when in reality it is just a cycle in the process of manipulation (Halket 36).  These women that have gotten themselves into the vicious cycle of intimate partner violence (IPV) have two choices, "they can either keep quiet and continue to submit to torture, or they can seek help" (Paul 54). Lots of research and studies have been conducted to understand the logic behind what choice women make. There are four main factors in why women tend to keep quiet: financial independence, witness of parental violence, psychological factors, and police response to the domestic violence call (Kim 1465). 

The strongest predictor, and most forgotten reason women stay or leave an abusive relationship is financial independence. This logic comes down to the economic analysis of domestic violence and utility gained from the abuser (Farmer 342). The man gains positive utility, or advantage, from both violence and own consumption, while the woman only receives negative utility from both violence and the positive consumption of her husband (Farmer 342). The financial independence comes into play because, "in all but the highest income households in which the woman is the primary source of earnings, a rise in her income diminishes the violence while a rise in the husband's income increases the level of violence" (Farmer 352). Unfortunately, the odds are in the husband's favor, which only increase the level of violence and decrease the chance of the woman leaving or reporting the abuse. A rise in the woman's income increases the probability that she leaves the relationship, proving that woman who are more financially independent are more likely to leave (Farmer 348).  Jinseok Kim and Karen A. Gray, both graduates from The University of South Carolina, explain that financial dependency on the abuser is the primary reason women don't leave because escaping domestic violence is shown to lead to poverty (Kim 1466). Since the 1980s, "researchers have found that battered women who are economically dependent are less likely to leave" (Kim 1466). Women relying on their spouse for financial aid feel forced to allow the abuse carry on because they are at a financial state of helplessness. 

Following economic dependency as the first ranked, problems within the criminal justice system are ranked as the second ranked reason women do not leave (Kim 1466). It is harder for victims to leave when they feel that the criminal justice system will not protect them. Many problems with the criminal justice system in the past have given women a reason to believe that they will not be supported by the court system. This leads to insecurity and feeling unprotected. Kim and Gray explain how, "battered women need protection and it is more difficult to leave if the woman feels unprotected by the criminal justice system" (Kim 1466). Police and the acts of the police play a huge role in the decision to stay or leave by either assisting women with their removal from the relationship or constructing barriers to the escape. During her experience with a childhood surrounded by domestic violence between her parents, Elsie describes the police as, "regulars to our domestic violence circus. No one demonstrated an ounce of empathy towards us ... " (Elsie 1). Flaws within the police and justice system destroy women's confidence in receiving help. Just one uncomfortable or unhelpful experience with contacting the police, especially when the officer justifies the abuser, is proven to decrease the likelihood of the victim to leave (Kim 1466).

Mental health plays a huge role in abused women's decision on stay or leave. Kim and Gray explain how, "battered women's mental health may be deleteriously affected by several emotional responses to interpersonal violence, impacting whether they leave or stay: fear, self-esteem, and feelings of responsibility" (Kim 1467). Domestic violence causes a permanent sense of fear and insecurity that can lower one's confidence to tell, report, or escape the abuse. They may not leave because of the "intense, crippling fear" that the perpetrator has caused. Mental health is a real reason that has a drastic affect on the decision to leave. According to Bachman, psychological factors not only inhibit women from leaving, they also, "inhibit women reporting these victimizations both to police and to interviewers, including the private nature of the event, the perceived stigma associated with one's victimization, and the belief that no purpose will be served in reporting it" (Bachman 2). Ronet Bachman has a Ph. D. from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, and proves that the stigma associated with victimization roots from psychological factors that restrict women from leaving and reporting their case.

Women are put in positions where it is much harder to escape than it seems. As mentioned earlier, perpetrators create an atmosphere of danger, which can be as serious as death. In a TED Talk that features Leslie Morgan Steiner, a victim of "crazy love", a psychological trap, otherwise known as domestic violence, "the final step in the domestic violence pattern is to kill her" (Steiner).  She explains how domestic violence happens to all types of people- all races, all religions, and all income and usually with someone that is least expected. "About three-quarters of all lone-offender violence against women was perpetrated by an offender whom the victim knew" (Bachman 2). The majority of domestic abuse occurs within a relationship with trust, or seems to be trusted. Bachman continues, "In 29& of all violence against women, the perpetrator is a husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend- an intimate" (Bachman 3), which makes leaving a lot more difficult that just running away from the man you met the night before. The fact that most of domestic violence occurs with a face of familiarity makes a huge difference in the decision to leave. Leslie Morgan Steiner tells her first hand story of how she had a gun loaded with hollow-point bullets pressed upon her head by the man she was married to. She was 22, just graduated from The Harvard College, and met Connor on the New York subway. He impressed him and began to make her feel as if she was the dominant partner in their relationship. Connor first physically attacked her five days before her wedding by putting her head in a chokehold and hitting it repeatedly against the wall. As the story continues on with explicit, disturbing abuse from him to her, she tells how she was questioned, "Why didn't she leave? Why didn't she just walk out?" Steiner answers, "because we victims know something you usually don't: It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser" (Steiner). To put things into proportion, "over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, after she's gotten out, because then the abuser has nothing left to lose" (Steiner). Now, how easy it is to ask a victim in pain, "Why didn't you just leave?" 

Leslie Morgan Steiner's personal story is moving and a perfect example of why victims should be justified in their decision. The sad thing is that her story is just one of the many that occur daily in the United States, yet blaming the victim is still apparent in society. Jim Axelrod, a reporter for CBS News, interviewed Jessica, who had a similar experience trapped in a relationship. Jim Axelrod asked, "What do you mean you couldn't go?" Jessica responded, "I wasn't allowed to. There were cameras inside my house so he could watch my every move. My phone was tapped. He then asked, "People will ask why didn't you take your cell phone our and call the police ...  Why not just open the door and walk out?", and Jessica answered, "I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone ...  My door was locked from outside. I could not leave the house. I was not allowed to shower unless he was in the house ... " (Axelrod). She continues to explain how the abuser used his love for her as an excuse to why he was afraid to lose her and why it was okay for him to hurt her. But these devastating answers begin to attack the stigma associated with domestic violence. Jessica's traumatizing experience opened the eyes to many viewers. It's not as simple as it seems. 

Regardless of the victim's decision, however long it takes him/her to leave, or the countless attempts it takes to escape, domestic violence is an issue that needs to be eradicated. The common ground that can be found whether one believes that the victim should be blamed for staying or that the victim has many barriers obstructing her choice to leave is that there are prevention opportunities. Educating the public and increasing the percentage of cases reported are two routes to progress. The TeLL Dating Violence Project was brought into existence by three practice nurses to mitigate the risk and affects of dating violence on college campuses. "TeLL" represents "Truth embraces Love without Lies", and is advertised by the slogan, "Don't be afraid to TeLL the truth about dating violence" (Ames 2).  The partnering of nurses and campus health centers, student organizations, and public safety, the TeLL Team has the potential to "increase awareness, enhance safety, and increase reporting through education of students, staff, and faculty" (Ames 1). Raising awareness and educating the students on campus increase self-esteem of those who have already been victimized, which can lower the chances of negative consequences of domestic violence.  

 Unfortunately, domestic violence doesn't end at the door of the abuser. Women that are strong and lucky enough to escape commonly have a load of mental trauma lagging behind them. The consequences and aftermath include but are not limited to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety (Meyer 183). According to Leslie Morgan Steiner, "other outcomes include long-term stalking, even after the abuser remarries; denial of financial resources; and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim". Domestic violence by an intimate partner affects nearly 20 people per minute in the United States; That's over 10 million men and women in just one year that are not only suffering from being beaten and physically abused, but now suffering from after-effects like PTSD, depression, stalking, etc. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence).  

Who knew asking four simple words could be so painful and remorseful to someone who has suffered through an experience that left bruises on his/her body and mind. "Why didn't she leave?" is a common used statement that suggests blaming the victim for something that he/she had very little control over. I agree, at first glance it may seem acceptable to forgive the perpetrator since in most cases she had the choice to leave and she stayed, but in reality women being abused are stranded in a place where financial dependence, flaws within the criminal justice system, psychological factors, and, most importantly, life- threatening danger inhibit any chance to leave. In summation, a victim who choses to stay does not make an abuser any less guilty. 

