
Love is a very confusing thing. Love takes patience and a lot of work, and if two people are not willing to put in that work and have patience, falling out of love is a horrible but possible thing. This lack of effort can create two hearts to become distant in a way that is even worse than physical distance, and this type of distance can be prolonged and painful to both parties involved. This situation can also lead to one person still clinging to the love that was once there. In "My Lover Who Lives Far" by Camille T. Dungy, the language, symbolism, and tone lead to a better understanding of who the speaker is as a character, her situation of being in love without that love returned, and how she is feeling because of the situation. The speaker describes her struggling relationship, and how she feels about herself and her lover while going through this difficult time. 

The speaker is a woman in her room, hiding herself and her feelings, who feels as if her relationship that she is clinging on to so deeply is not so much an intersecting relationship anymore. Their lives are running more parallel than intersecting like a healthy relationship should. She repeats one line: "My lover who lives far away opens the door to my room ... " (1). The repetition of this one line creates the mood of desperation and longing. This repetition and the desperate mood that it creates show that she is not speaking of physical distance, but the emotional distance that she feels personally. He is physically in the room giving her what she has asked for or he thinks needs to be done , but the tone and mood make the relationship seem as though it is more out of habit than out of love. What can lead the reader to believe this is the repetition of the one line, and how she speaks about what he has done after she tells that he has come into her room: "and offers pastries in a basket spun from his vision ...  / I have seen many of these in many colors, but the basket he brings is simple: / only black, only nude ... " (8, 10-11). The simple language and short length of the lines also conveys feelings of isolation which is leading to the speaker's desperation to be loved in return by this man. Each stanza is only a line or two long, showing the lost words of her feelings. One line that really sticks out as a two line stanza really shows her isolation and desperation: "My lover, who lives far away, opens the door to my room/ and brings me nothing" (23-24). This line is definitely a turning point in the poem. It shows the forced relationship going to nothing and the speaker beginning to come to terms with the fact that her relationship does not have the love that it did when it first began.

The speaker's attitude in this poem is upset and hurt, but she is trying to make things right despite this feeling of hurt, desperation, and longing that the mood and tone suggest. Dungy uses symbolism to get the speaker's deepest attitude about what she would like to do and what she is doing: "The cat is in the bedroom now, mewling. The cat is indecent / and I, who am trying to be tidy, I, who am trying to do things / the proper way, I, who am sick from shedding, I am undone" (4-6). She would like to lay there and mewl and be indecent like the cat, who symbolizes her inner feelings, but she is still trying to make everything work and clinging to this relationship that is not good because her lover shows no love in return. She is tired of shedding, like a cat would shed fur, who she is as a person to appease her lover who is not emotionally present. At the end of this poem, the speaker brings the symbolism of the cat again, but this time there was no rebuttal or slander of the cat: " ... The cat, under the covers, / because it is cold out and she is not stupid, mews" (32-33). She relates to the cat now. She has given up, and all the speaker can do is lie in her bed and whimper because there is nothing more to hold on to, her lover has disappeared. 

When it seems as though all hope is lost, her lover is no longer there. He no longer brings her things in her room, and the entire poem shifts into this solemn and sad place in the speaker's heart. At first she thinks of things of why he has given up on her, on them: "Perhaps he has noticed how fat I've grown, indulged. / Perhaps he is poor and sick of emptying his store" (25-26). In the first line, one can see her questioning: "Is this my fault?" She's questioning whether she took too much or asked for so much of him that he was pushed away. Then, she's taking that and further analyzing his feelings. She explains that he could be poor and sick of emptying everything he has on her. She then comes to a realization: "It is no matter to me any longer, he has filled me, already, so full" (27). She is almost thankful for when he did fill her, and realizes that is he already so far gone, emotionally. Finally, the speaker explains the last time her lover comes into her room: "My lover who is far away opens the door to my room / and tells me he is tired" (28-29). Instead of just living far away, her lover is far away now. This is an important line in this poem, because it is at this point where the reader knows there is absolutely no hope. The lover is gone. This small change of the word "lives" to "is" shows the speaker's realizations of the relationship being to the point of no return. Her lover doesn't just live far away anymore; he is permanently far away in mind and in heart, in feeling and emotion. This is also the first time the speaker states any signs of the lover speaking. He actually tells her what he has been displaying; he is tired.  

The language, tone and symbolism portray this idea of love lost and never found throughout this poem. The speaker shows signs of hurt and grief over her love not being returned, and her love being so distance. This distance leaves her with nothing and the sadness overcomes her, and she loses hope by the end of "My Lover Who Lives Far." The reader then sees what a toll this relationship has taken on the reader. 

