Where to start? Well, first of all football is not played with your feet. So, why call it football? All football is, is throwing, catching, and running the ball and the whole  time you are using your hands. Oh that’s right, football players do use their feet, but only for, let’s say, ten plays out of a hundred and twenty play game. So yeah let’s call this sport football. Makes total sense, right? Also a football isn’t even in the shape of a ball, it’s in the shape of an egg, so why not call the sport handegg. This would make way more sense than football. Also there is already a sport called Futbol and that sport is actually played with your feet. Plus it became a sport way earlier than American football.  For some reason, Americans decided to call a sport without an actually ball or actually using their feet, “football.”  Absolutely genius, right? How dumb! Futbol was created thousands of years earlier and Americans decided to change futbol’s name to soccer all because they created their own sport that had the same name,  “football,” and American football just recently developed in the late eighteenth century while soccer (futbol) was created in the second centuray BC. Just for the record, football is not played with your feet.

Football is a great sport for the lazy person because you can weigh four hundred pounds and still play it. Wow! That’s crazy right? Sure maybe not all football players weigh that much, but to be honest the majority of the team on offense and defense are big, three hundred pound individuals and all they do is hit each other. This sport might as well be called “sumo wrestling.” With soccer you have to have an athletic body type unlike the fat body type of football players. Football players always love to talk about how weak and skinny soccer players are, but our workouts and lifting routines are just as intense as football players. The only difference is that soccer player workouts are geared more toward getting a strong lower body rather than a strong upper body like football. Even though training in soccer is geared more towards lower body, soccer players do work out their upper bodies as well. It is hard to believe how people can say that football players are in better shape than soccer players. Just compare Cristiano Ronaldo (soccer) to Jerome Bettis (football). That’s like a one to five ratio. Boy is that man big! Soccer players run for a full ninety minutes and then some, whereas football players run for ten seconds and then get a forty second break. Ever wonder how football players with that much extra weight don’t get hurt. Oh wait a minute, they do get hurt. All it takes is one wrong step and there goes all that weight on that one knee, and bye, bye season and maybe even their career. A football players average career on last until they are about 24/25 as compared to soccer players whose careers can last until they are forty. Not only is football a dangerous sport but as a player you can’t even make much of a career out of it either.

 Football players think they are all that, so they like to make fun of soccer players by calling them stupid names like grass ferries, which is kind of ironic because they are the ones laying on the ground every single second of the game. Football players say this because soccer players like to fake injuries and fouls, but what football players don’t realize is this is part of the sport of soccer. The players do pretend so they can gain the upper hand, whether it is by getting a goal scoring opportunity or by getting the opposing team’s player a card so that he is one step closer to being thrown out of the game, which would give the team the upper hand. Also how annoying is it to watch a football game? It is like ten minutes of watching the actual game and then another fifty minutes of watching commercials. That totally sucks, but there is a solution. You can watch soccer instead because there are no commercial breaks, so there is never a stop in the action. Football doesn’t even make sense. In football when a team scores a touchdown they get six points and then that team also gets to kick the ball (handegg) through two poles (called a field goal) to get another point. How in the heck does that make sense? A team gets one touchdown; they basically get seven points. Also with football if they can’t score a touchdown, they can kick the ball through the field goal and get three points. Wait, what? So now by kicking the ball through the field goal the team gets three points. Make up your mind football, if the ball is kicked through the field goal, does the team get one point or three points? Football is just so weird and makes no sense at all. Soccer on the other hand, is simple and logical. All the teams do, is try to kick the soccer ball into the net, to get a goal. Football, no logic intended at all. Soccer on the other hand, team scores, team gets one goal. Makes total sense.  Soccer is a logical sport. 

So let’s recap on all that has been stated. Football is played with a handegg (not with their feet) and a bunch of fat guys. Football is an illogical sport where people can’t count. Watching football sucks because you can’t go ten seconds without watching five minutes of commercial. Football players are not in shape thus they need all these commercial breaks and stoppages in play. Football is not only dangerous but is also a poor career choice because your career only last about three and a half years. Last but not least football was created by dumb Americans, which decided to call a sport played with their hands football and change the real futbol to soccer. So as a result soccer is better.
