The story of Lila depicts the life of a girl, Lila, who lived her life with a constant feeling of unworthiness and instability.  The roots of these feelings developed from her early childhood experiences as she was raised without the necessary love and attention that a typical child would face as she was an orphan.  She was an Orphan in the 1930s, possibly one of the worst times to be raised in a system of shelters.  Lila shows signs of her past affecting her future often by not displaying proper trust in people who have been involved in her, and most importantly she shows it by not showing trust and love to her self.  

Lilas distrust in people is strongly evident during the course of her relationship with John Ames.  Ames was a preacher who Lila took a liking to, and he shared the same feelings towards Lila.  Ames and Lila spent a lot of time together, but throughout these times she was extremely cautious sharing her past, and she struggles to fully submerge herself in the relationship.  Lila often displays that she feels Ames might leave her and oddly enough, she thinks about leaving him forever.  Although this seems strange for Lila to feel these emotions when Ames has done nothing but treat her with respect and dignity, her distrust is very understandable.  Lila was first found in the beginning of the book alone without anyone there for her.  As an orphan in the 1930’s Lila was most likely a part of the system called Orphan Trains.  The main concept of Orphan trains seemed very humane and respectable as it would save homeless children by giving them families and homes, however these trains might have had strong psychological effects.  Oprhans would be put onto a train with very little parental supervision and taken to different parts of America.  When reaching a new spot they would be, “put on display at each stop in theaters so families could check them out. Families interested in "adopting" a child would thoroughly examine each child -- from physical shape to teeth -- as if they were livestock (people.of.oureverydaylife.com).”  This could explain Lilas unwillingness to trust herself, which may explain her feelings of wanting to leave.  She may have felt unworthy of what Ames was giving her, which can be traced back to the orphan trains.  Children would be picked at the theaters and given how Lila was found she most likely was not one of the fortunate people to receive a family.  This could cause her to feel that while the other children were worthy of a family, she was not.  Furthermore, the way families were looking at these children may have caused her to not feel human at all.  The orphans who were picked were sometimes picked with the intention of exploiting them for work.  This is almost reminiscent of slavery, so Lila could have viewed herself as less then a regular person due to this.  Sadly, the orphanage system truly failed Lila on all accounts at this time.

This is not the only factor adding into Lila’s ill feelings towards her self and others.  Often when children were adopted, they were split apart from their siblings.  With all the trials these children were facing siblings could be the one stable part of there life and to have this taken away could be heartbreaking.  This could cause Lila to not trust that people will always be around and that those in her life will come and go.  However, it makes sense that siblings were not adopted together and it makes sense that children in general were not being adopted frequently.  According to History.com, the great depression began in 1929.  This correlates to adoption, as families did not have the money to add another person to take care of.  That would leave orphans without homes for longer until they eventually were just released on their own.  Not having a family can have huge effects on the development of a child.  In Lila’s case it’s not just the effects of not having a family, but it is also the effects of abandonment.  In an academic paper by Uma J. Immanuel Thomas,  the personality differences between those who experience abandonment and those who do not are discussed.  One of the common behaviors for those who experience abandonment is self-destruction.  This explains Lila’s tendency to push people who care out of her life.  She is not looking for help anymore, and she pushes those away who can give her the attention she so strongly needs and quietly desires.  

Further examples of these types of conditions impacting her future life occur deeper into her and Ames relationship.  Ames wanted to baptize Lila, and although the reader could sense this is something Lila desired, she was pushing it away.  She showed a feeling of unworthiness of being baptized.  She continued to go back and forth with herself and Ames about why she shouldn’t be baptized.  The unworthiness could have sprung from the trains and not experiencing a stable nurturing environment.  She also showed these tendencies further when Ames discussed with her the possibility of marriage.  At first she seems really excited about the idea, that is until her own minds gets in the way once again.  She quickly reverses her mindset and attempts to shut down the idea of getting married.  This could be for a variety of reasons, but they all root from her unwillingness to trust herself or others.  

A broader example of the orphan system impacting Lila is that she is very slow to truly show herself even to Ames.  She took quite a while to fully delve into her past and tell Ames the trials and tribulations she lived through her entire life.  This could be again because of the instability of caring people in her life.  People were constantly coming and going, so it took a lot of time for Lila to realize that Ames was truly there for her until death, and he would not be a part of the revolving door system Lila so deeply craved to escape.  Eventually she does share with Ames, but she does not share with others causing for this occurrence to be extremely rare.

Lila was certainly dealt and unfortunate hand from the beginning of her life but luckily Ames entered her life and began to change her fortunes.  He proved with patience and perseverance that he was one thing Lila could count on.  He worked slowly with her to earn her trust and allow for her to submerge herself fully in the relationship.  Ames was the perfect thing for her hurting soul.  After Ames entered her life and worked her magic, clear differences in Lila prevail.  She is more willing to talk to people and has gained a certain level of confidence in herself.  

In the beginning of the story Lila was a quiet person with strong trust issues.  The trust issues stemmed from a life of instability due to her being an orphan during the time of the great depression.  She was unable to trust other and herself.  Trust is the biggest component in love, meaning she really could not love anyone or herself until these two things were erased.  Ames came into her life and was able to break that barrier causing for Lila to be a better person.  Now Lila can finally experience all that life has to offer when viewing it from a positive perspective.  
