Childhood is a beautiful time of life. Many people reminisce on their childhood to memories of playing at playgrounds, eating popsicles, and going to birthday parties. These experiences play a large role in shaping people into the adults they become. Some people, however, do not endure the blissful childhood that many do. Sometimes one’s early years consist of abuse, trauma, and even homelessness. Some grow as people and learn from the mistakes of their caregivers, yet the memories still linger. These memories effect, and sometimes haunt, one’s life for the duration. This haunting is prominent in Lila’s life, in the novel Lila by Marilynne Robinson. Lila’s traumatic past of being a wonderer without a family, other than a woman who plucked Lila from her home, effects Lila in many ways. Robinson shows the real-life effects from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder such as attachment issues and depression through Lila’s unique actions towards those around her. This is important because by understanding this disorder one can explain one’s actions based on their past.

Childhood trauma effects children for the rest of their lives. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, more than 25 percent of children in America experience a traumatic event before they can even drive. Of those children who experience traumatic events, more than 25 percent go on to develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Due to this disease, adults suffering tend to attach themselves to those who seem dependable, just like Lila does. After not only being abandoned by her family, but also left outside in the cold for several nights, Lila’s childhood did not become more fortunate. She also did not have many relationships with other people during her childhood, other than Doll, who she relied on for finding shelter, food, and work. When they became separated Lila did not show interest in forming any other relationships. Upon meeting Ames, Lila continuously rejected his friendship, until she finally began to trust him and eventually became reliant upon him. Once while they were on a walk, Lila thought of him beside her, “as something you could live without but needed… that you’d learn how to miss, and then you’d never stop missing it” (Robinson 80). This need for him shows the attachment she has developed towards Ames, and one could infer that if he were to leave her, Lila could not go on with her life. She would have lost the only person she was willing to form a relationship with in her adult life. Author and Psychotherapist Susan Anderson asserts that this sense of dependency is often seen in adults with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, for they “have difficulty moving on even when the relationship does not meet their needs.” Although Lila’s relationship with Ames satisfies her needs, for the most part, Lila has trouble coming to terms with Doll’s disappearance, even though Doll did not provide her with the sufficient care a child requires. Because Doll gave care to Lila when nobody else did, Lila grew attached, as any child does to their guardian figure. However, now that her needs are being met by Ames, Lila’s desire to live on the road with Doll remains, showing her lingering attachment. Even now that Lila lives a seemingly satisfying life with Ames, she cannot move past her attachment to those who were part of her troubled past.

Lila also expresses Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder through her constant rejection towards Ames’s acts of kindness. Especially at the beginning of their relationship, Lila constantly pushes Ames away. As said in an article by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, those with her disease often “emit self-defeating behaviors such as the sabotaging of relationships.” Several times Lila responds rudely towards Ames’s kind gestures because of her insecurities and lack of experience with prior relationships. Because of her insecurities, Lila believes that she is “not worthy of a genuine relationship and rejects those who show the intentions to form one” (NCTSN). Her past affects her in this way because several people have scolded, tricked, and even abandoned her causing the fear of it happening again to haunt her. Because of this fear, Lila pushes those away who try to aid her. For example, when Ames put his jacket over Lila she feels comfort. This feeling, which she has never felt before, sends a warm sensation through her body and she realizes how happy she is. In return, “she said something mean to him… when [one is] scalded, touch hurts, it makes no difference if it’s kindly meant” (Robinson 253). Lila is trying to subject herself to another loss, a common symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (NCTSN). Although she enjoys the relationship she has with Ames, loss is all she has ever known, so it is in her nature to push him away. Throughout her childhood, Lila and Doll constantly sook shelter and work with and from many different people. Because of the constant travelling, Lila formed many relationships which she soon had to abandon. This constant repetitive cycle of loss eventually scarred Lila to the point that forming relationships was no longer a logical idea for her. Lila is capable of forming meaningful relationships, but her past holds her back.

Although most effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder appear to be negative, Lila also possesses some positive traits that developed through her years of roaming. Due to Lila’s past, she sympathizes those who are living similar lives. When she finds a boy living in the shack she used to, she instantly feels the need to help, by not only by feeding him and keeping him company, but also by offering advice. It is apparent that Lila feels connected to this boy due to her lack of interest in conversation with anyone previous to him. Lila has never made effort with relationships in the past, but since she and this boy have a past in common, Lila feels a connection with him. This boy appears to not want her company, but she continues to push until he finally opens up to her. Eventually, Lila offers what seems to be her first act of generosity when she says, “I think you better come to my old man’s house. Just for the night” (Robinson 152). This boy seems content living in the shack; however, Lila feels a responsibility to help him. As stated in an article by Sarah Anderson, “tending to others needs even when they have not voiced them is a common symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Although this appears to be a positive trait, during this scene in Lila, this characteristic can sometimes become over-powering. For example, by giving this boy her coat Lila put herself at risk. Although her suffering for her short walk home is nothing compared to that boy living in the cold, Lila put her baby at risk. Instead of thinking of how it may affect her and Ames’s lives, she acts as anyone with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder would: impulsively without considering the negative consequences. Her baby may have been harmed which may eventually lead to her fleeing her life with Ames. Lila does not think about herself or the repercussions that come with giving up her coat. Due to her childhood experience, Lila insists on helping a boy she does not even know because he lives a life similar to her past.

Lila’s past explains why she is incapable of taking part in normal relationships. Due to her Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lila has difficulty moving past her traumatic childhood. One can see this in her initial rejection of Ames, her longing for her old life with Doll, and her extension of generosity towards a boy she did not know. Although Lila has definitely grown over the course of her relationship with Ames, she still has many parts of her disorder holding her back socially. Many other people with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder express similar or even opposite symptoms to Lila’s. One can only imagine the vast amounts of people suffering from a childhood that they had no choice of. Childhood is usually the best part of a person’s life and for those that endure abuse it is the part of their life they can not escape; whether it be the lingering memories and the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that effect their daily lives. How one is raised shapes them to be the adult they become. 
