Childhood is considered to be the most crucial stage in the development on one’s ability to create relationships later in life. The effects of childhood trauma, especially neglect, can be seen most prominently in one’s adulthood relationships. In the novel, Lila, by Marilynne Robinson, the protagonist, Lila grew up living an extremely difficult life and experienced many traumatic events in her childhood. Now, a grown woman, living with and married to Reverend John Ames, Lila finds herself struggling to feel secure in a relationship due to her traumatic past. In Marilynne Robinson’s Lila, she illustrates the effects that childhood trauma has on one’s ability to offer trust within her adulthood relationships. This is important because understanding these effects helps to show that her past trauma prevents Lila from finding trust and comfort in her relationship with Ames.

Due to her traumatic childhood experiences, Lila struggles in her adulthood relationships. The Oxford English Dictionary defines trauma as, “A psychic injury, esp. one caused by emotional shock the memory of which is repressed and remains unhealed; an internal injury, esp. to the brain, which may result in a behavioural disorder of organic origin. Also, the state or condition so caused” (Trauma). We see many moments of trauma in Robinson’s novel through the characterization of Lila. Lila experienced her first dose of trauma at the age of four, when she was left out on the front porch. She then continued living her life with a woman named Doll, and they survived by working for, and being taken in by various strangers for short amounts of time. Lila spent her childhood working hard for little money, not knowing where her next meal would come from, and unsure about where she would sleep at night. She was always on the move. From being abandoned as an infant, and living though an unfortunate childhood, Lila experienced a great deal of trauma in her early years. Living a poor life, often left with no one to help her, Lila was never able to heal her mental injury that is the trauma. This most clearly results in her inability to trust and find comfort within her relationship.

Adulthood relationships depend on the relationships the person made as a child, usually with his or her family. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network describes the effects childhood trauma has on relationships later in life: “Our ability to develop healthy, supportive relationships with friends and significant others depends on our having first developed those kinds of relationships in our families. A child with a complex trauma history may have problems in romantic relationships, in friendships, and with authority figures, such as teachers or police officers” (NCTSN). Developing relationships with one’s family is crucial to his ability to develop relationships later in life. Having no memory of any family, except for the woman who left her out on the porch, Lila has never had the chance to develop this part of herself. Now, a newlywed, she struggles with putting trust into her relationship, because she has never had the ability to do so before. When talking to Ames, she seems hesitant to believe that she will be happy with living with him, and cannot grasp the concept of marriage or “for better or for worse,” which is surprising because Ames provides a promising relationship. Robinson explains, “She had probably said a mean thing to him. For weeks she wished she could take it back. All it meant was that she still didn’t trust him and he’d be a fool to trust her. And that was the only truth” (Robinson 95). Even after she marries Ames, Lila still believes that she cannot trust him and that he should not trust her either. Marriage is the biggest form of security in a relationship, and still, Lila has trouble with being comfortable with the situation and with Ames. The lack of family relationships from Lila’s childhood, and the traumatizing event of being abandoned, leaves Lila unable to trust her husband and even herself. 

Unfortunately, forming a relationship is the most difficult aspect in life for a trauma survivor. Therapist Robyn Brickel explains issues that arise within relationships where one member was traumatized as a child. She describes, “But a history of abuse or neglect can make trusting another person feel terrifying. Trying to form an intimate relationship may lead to frightening missteps and confusion” (Brickel). Throughout her whole childhood, Lila has never been able to trust anyone or anything. She has never had the ability to become comfortable. Lila often has thoughts and questions, but hesitates to ever tell her husband about them, for she fears that he will judge her or ask her to leave. “The Reverend let her think her thoughts, waiting until she looked up from them to speak. He said, ‘You still don’t trust me at all,’ And she said, ‘No. Can’t really say that I do. No reason you should trust me, either. There are things I ain’t told you” (Robinson 116). Lila cannot comprehend the fact that she can trust Ames when he says he wants her to stay or that he will not judge her for anything she says or asks. She also believes he is a fool for trusting her, since there is so much from her past that she has not told him yet. Her emotional and physical trauma from her childhood is preventing her from being able to trust her intimate relationship with Ames, or to trust him. The trauma Lila experienced in her childhood is prevalent in her current inability to place her trust into Ames and, as a result be comfortable in their marriage, without the thought that he will leave her or does not love her. 

Love is an extremely difficult emotion for trauma survivors to secure themselves to, and become comfortable with. Finding and trusting the feeling of love is an exceptional part of growing up. However, when traumatic events take place in one’s life, trust and love, the most important parts of a relationship, are hard to achieve. As explained in her article, Brickel states, “Survivors often believe deep down that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment is an impossible dream.” Brickel continues by explaining how those who have dealt with childhood trauma continue to find issues in welcoming love into his or her life. Lila has never had the opportunity to either be loved, or give love to someone else. She had always been on the move, with new people, and even lived by herself. Now married and with their son, Lila and John’s relationship is the most promising and secure it has ever been. When speaking to her husband, Lila states, “I guess there’s something the matter with me, old man. I can’t love you as much as I love you. I can’t feel as happy as I am” (Robinson 255). Lila is aware of the love that she feels for John Ames, but her traumatic past discourages her from being able to accept these feelings of love and comfort. Even now, with a husband and a child, she is still uneasy and not used to experiencing what it feels like to love or be loved. Feeling vulnerable because of her past, Lila unconsciously does not allow herself to be comfortable with the true love that she feels for Ames. 

Lila has trouble trusting and becoming comfortable in her relationship with John Ames, even though he can provide her with love and trust. In the novel Lila, by Marylynne Robinson, we see that Lila’s traumatic and unstable childhood follows her through adulthood and continues to have a detrimental effect. Even with a devoted husband and newborn child, we see that she still cannot trust her relationship, and Robinson makes the reader wonder if Lila will ever be able to conquer this issue. This is often the case in reality, as described in the articles by Robyn Brickel and on the National Child Traumatic Stress Network website. Oftentimes these survivors of trauma are unable to cope with their past, and live the rest of their lives with a constant fear of trust or uncertainty. Childhood is an exceedingly part of one’s life, and once trauma comes into play, the future of his or her life could be changed forever. 
