Typically, children have a very strong connection with their mothers from birth while in a way your father has to earn your affection; which society has set a standard that this is achieved through a capital aspect. In today’s society it is expected and assumed that children view their fathers as their main provider financially and view their mothers as their main provider emotionally. They rely on their fathers solely to support them and give them anything they could need and then some without question or concern about the dollar price. However, in “forgiving my father” by Lucille Clifton the main message is how children should view their fathers more as an emotional provider along with how they add value to your life. This is achieved by the author throughout the piece by showing the child’s source of bitterness towards him as she tries to forgive him for leaving her with nothing financially or emotionally. This leads to the realization that having a good connection with her father is the most important thing in life, which defies the standards of today’s society.

Throughout history children tend to spend more time with their mothers due to their fathers having to leave the home to work and support them financially. This can cause children to be closer to their mothers physically and allow them to create a bond that could never be broken or replaced. They also look to their mother as an emotional support system who can help them through any situation or trial, as well as someone who brings them stability and can fix any problems that may occur.  The daughter starts off the poem describing her father “standing in my dreams like a ghost” who has come to her “asking for more time” but sadly “there will never be time enough daddy” as she clings desperately to her mother who is “in her early grave.” The child refers to today as “payday” and how she wishes her father “were rich so I could take it all” and could “give the lady what she was due.” Which even with her mother being deceased, she still has such a strong connection to her that she defends her against her father. This “payday” refers to herself needing him to pay for what he did to her mother and her belief that what was due from him went unpaid, which ultimately led to the death of her mother. The daughter also was left with nothing emotionally and feels the absence of her emotional connection and stability she received from her mother. The child then clings on to the image of what her father could be in hopes of him eventually becoming that image to fill the void inside her now that her mother is gone. 

Throughout the poem the child tries to understand her father figure as she used to see him, which creates bitterness towards him as she tries to overcome this so she can forgive and understand that everything he did for her and her mother was all he could do. The child soon realizes how emotional currency is just as valuable as real currency. Evidence in the text which can be shown in the beginning of the poem when she states that it’s “payday, payday old man” and refers to him as an “old lecher” and an “old liar”, which led to the realization of the daughter that her father grew up as “the son of a needy father” at the same time it hits her that he is also “the father of a needy son”, which is used to describe her. These words clarify to the daughter how she is complaining about needing and wanting the same thing her father did, which is financial stability. This later on comes to prove to the daughter that she cannot blame him for what he has done. The comparison from the beginning of her father being a selfish “old man” to stating that he “gave her all you had”, even though it was “nothing,” he selflessly provided them with everything his name was good for; which in today’s society everyone is so eager to take instead of give. Therefore, when the daughter went to go collect his belongings from his bank account it would be him, who lies “side by side in debtors’ boxes” because he had already given his full self and she states “no account will open them up” because it has already been open the entire time. 

Throughout the authors childhood she would often be caught in-between the arguments of her mother and father.  This became evident in the poem when she states how she wishes she could take it all to give “the lady what she was due” which also allows the author to affiliate Friday’s as “payday” for her family. This can also be seen as a symbol of the end of her long journey between the marital disputes of her parents. However, now that they are both deceased she has no one to receive a payment from and no one to pay; this leaves her alone to fend for herself. This allowed for the author to see what was truly wrong within her family and allow her to understand how not having money for everything she wanted to do is not as important as her family and realizes how both of her relationships between her parents were not as fruitful as they could have been. In the beginning of the poem the author gives off the impression of how her relationships with her mother was stronger than her fathers and this allowed her to stand up for her mother instead of her father. Later on in the poem the reader can see how the author is realizing her father was truly not as bad as he seemed and how she could have had a stronger connection with him, which could have led to a stronger relationship between all of them. With these stronger connections they all could still be there and they could rely on one another and overcome the financial situation they are in. These situations go through the authors mind as the conflict within herself is revealed; whether she should forgive her father or not.

This poem is a very powerful representation of how society sets standards of how family should only be used as a financial provider and how when children become adults they are left to fend for themselves and in a sense their parents become ghosts within their own lives. However,

the author realizes how she should not hold her father and mother accountable for their actions and what they could not provide for one another but to reflect upon all the times they had together. The author also finally decides to let bygones be bygones and move forward with her life now that all is forgiven and learn from her parents past mistakes, among her own, to apply these newly learned lessons in her life. These realizations overpower the standards society has set and help the readers understand how emotional support is overall more important than financial support.
