David Foster Wallace was a brilliant writer whose literature continues to be studied, analyzed, and appreciated today. Analyzing his work is an attempt, to a certain degree, to understand the mind of Wallace. However, because he struggled with depression it is often difficult to fully comprehend the meaning of his work. David Foster Wallace committed suicide three years after delivering the speech “This is water” to the graduates of Kenyon College; as a result of his suicide, a new tone is revealed through close examination of his wording that hints at the dark trauma Wallace was suffering. Wallace’s introduction in which he uses expressions such as “day to day trenches” and “life or death importance” initialize this image. He then supports it throughout the speech with terms such as “hypnotized” and “meaningless routines” (Wallace xii). Lastly, Wallace’s goodbye to the students seems more powerful than a simple farewell. Although this work was presented as a commencement speech, it’s true format of a suicide note is revealed through both small words and simple expressions.

The introduction to Wallace’s commencement speech does not explicitly state his suffering, but his wording lends insight that allows us to observe it. The first instance of this occurs when Wallace refers to the “day to day trenches of adult existence” (Wallace x). Immediately, Wallace invokes the dreary reality in which he is living in where life is a mere existence comparable to the conditions of war. However, this is only the beginning because he goes on to discuss the fact that parables, which he is obligated to use due to the stereotypes of what a commencement speech are, actually “have a life or death importance” (Wallace xi). This is most indicative of his suffering considering he refers to these parables as “banal platitudes” (Wallace xi). If these statements are nothing more than dry, unoriginal comments it is difficult to understand how they can have a life or death importance. However, Wallace later reveals that his education often allows him to “over-intellectualize stuff” leading him to get lost inside his own mind. Therefore, we are able to understand that Wallace does not have the grasp on his mind that he claims to and tries to teach the seniors to (Wallace xii). Wallace even explicitly states that often things he was certain of end up being wrong. This allows us to question the authenticity of the remainder of his message compared to his actual experience. 

As the speech progresses, Wallace’s language that hints at his suffering intensifies. The language no longer needs as much examination due to his change in tone. Wallace now openly reveals how difficult it is to remain present in the moment rather than to be “hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your head” (Wallace xii). It is easy to deduce that Wallace suffers from this issue because he speaks from personal experience. Day in and day out, Wallace struggles to remain in the present and is controlled by the “terrible master” that is his brain (Wallace xiii). Even more revealing though is Wallace’s point that most “suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger” (Wallace xiii). This point is frightening because at this moment Wallace communicates to the audience that he is truly dead on the inside. He is trapped as a “slave to [his] head”, yet the audience does not realize this (Wallace xiii). 

As this reality slips by the audience, Wallace continues to give examples of his suffering through everyday situations. His introduction to this topic clearly shows his opinion on them as he sees them as “dreary, annoying, seemingly meaningless routines” (Wallace xiv). Regardless, Wallace attempts to bestow some wisdom on the seniors by showing how their perspective on some of these situations can be changed to enable them to view the situation in a positive manner. However, Wallace quickly reveals his reality of not being able to view the situation these ways. Despite his “will and effort” Wallace is still often not “able to do it” (Wallace xv). The reason why he is unable to change his perspective on the situation has already been verbalized by Wallace’s enslavement to his mind. Wallace is trying to teach the audience how to become the master of their own mind. His theory is that by changing one’s perspective they are able to become the master, but through Wallace’s suicide it is shown that he was not able to successfully practice this.  

Lastly, Foster completes the form of a suicide note with the ending of his speech. While attempting to summarize his message, Wallace points out that “we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over: ‘This is water.’ ‘This is water.’” (Wallace xvii). By doing so, Wallace has described to the audience a common symptom of depression. Obsessing over a thought or idea or having the thought or idea continuously reoccur in your head is a part of countless different forms of depression. In addition, the ending of a commencement speech typically has some sort of anecdote or inspiring message to motivate the audience to go off into the world and make a change. However, Wallace instead ends with an ominous “I wish you way more than luck” (Wallace xvii). He is not only implying the necessity of luck but also emphasizing the fact that it is possible it takes more than just luck to make it in the world the seniors are graduating into. The world that Wallace was not able to make it in.  

Wallace disguises a suicide note within the format of a commencement speech. He starts off using typical “little parable-ish” stories (Wallace x). However, he twists these stories with his own view without even realizing it. These views are often dark, depressing, or simply dry. Wallace then twists the views again attempting to demonstrate to the seniors how a change in perspective is able to benefit them. Unfortunately, given the knowledge of Wallace’s depression we are able to see through this into the message Wallace has concealed. It is not the seniors who must learn to be the masters of their own mind, but instead it is Wallace attempting to convince the audience and more importantly himself that they are able to do so. The grim reality is that this is not the case. Instead, it is clear that Wallace remains trapped within his own head and the “constant monologue” that he warns the seniors to be weary of is what he is currently delivering to them (Wallace xii). This all sets the stage for the end of Wallace’s speech transforming it from a farewell to a goodbye. It is often said when someone posts on social media an ominous message or tells a friend before they commit suicide that the person truly did not want to commit suicide, but was rather crying for help. This was Wallace’s cry for help, the message was his warning that he didn’t want to feel the way he felt, and his suicide was the reality that he simply couldn’t bear to be trapped any longer. 