Suicide is not an easy subject to discuss. It takes total despair to reach this point where you are able to take your own life, but Tobias Wolff wants you to realize that there is always something to live for. He communicates that through his work “Bullet in the Brain”. This memory is so impactful that it makes Anders regret. To fully understand why this memory affects him so much, we must first analyze Anders’ depression, what happens as he remembers his “better” day, and the thematic message of regret Wolff is portraying.

Tobias Wolff creates a fairly odd character with Mr. Anders; he seems unhappy with everything around him. The first time he engages anyone in the text, Wolff makes sure to show how sarcastic and rude he is by showing the dialogue in his head that says “Anders had conceived his own towering hatred of the teller, but he immediately turned it on the presumptuous crybaby in front of him” (Wolff, 200). Many people act this way because of their pride and their imagined superiority to those around them, but Anders is obviously hurt. We see that he is hurting with the way he reacts to this accidental encounter with a life or death situation. While everyone around him is afraid, he mocks the bank robbers saying, “Oh, bravo… Dead Meat. Great script, eh? The stern, brass-knuckled poetry of the dangerous classes” (Wolff, 201). He is definitely disconnected with reality, living in his own world where he feels so sorry for himself that he feels he can justify all his obscene actions. We can see that Anders justifies his rude actions when he repeatedly gets angry that people are having very normal reactions to what is going on around them. His unnecessary anger is evident when he says “there you go, justice is done” to the woman in front of him, who was complaining about the slow service of the teller when stuffing the bag for the robbers (Wolff, 202). It is just another regular, painful day for Anders at the bank, doing the same thing he does every week. As readers, we are faced with the possibility that this uneventful life is what causes Anders’ crude carelessness.

The monotony of Anders’ life is changed up with the introduction of a pair of bank robbers. It is interesting to notice that once they enter, everyone’s hearts seem to drop, yet Anders gets excited. He makes light of the situation by cracking jokes and mocking the robbers. It becomes obvious that he is tempting death and attempting to play God with control of the situation. This is a prime example of how sad his life has become. Anders begins to mock these men, and sees his opportunity to end his misery. Realizing that this pair of bank robbers are very desperate, he can use them to end his monotony. It delights him to think that excitement has come into his life and he no longer cares what happens as long as this excitement continues. He speaks up when he should not, and makes fun of them when he has an opportunity; this ultimately leads to his death as suicide by bank robber. He may not have complete control of whether the bank robber decides to pull the trigger, but he controls the climax to his death and how he goes. He goads on the robbers until he is positive they will address his death wish, and creates a last moment of excitement in his life devoid of joy and fulfilment.

As the common expression applies, Anders can be described as a “glass half empty” man. He scrutinizes everything as if he is the final authority of it. The pompous, self-righteous personality is always in full effect and, interestingly enough, is in juxtaposition with a pessimistic, dry outlook on life. With a gun literally stuck underneath his chin, death a mere trigger-pull away, Anders shows how truly critical and self-righteous he is by looking upwards at the bank ceiling. Again, we can see this God complex in which he attempts to control the way he dies and how it is displayed. According to Wolff, Anders had “no choice but to scrutinize the painter’s work”, which explicitly shows his indifference to his own death, and is a confirmation of his pessimism (Wolff, 203). It further shows he is more concerned with criticizing the work of others than his own life. For Anders, the bank robbery was a blessing. Nothing could have been better for him on this day because he had really lost his will to live. In an attempt to antagonize the bank robber, he heckled them as much as he could. In a demented last-ditch effort, Anders toys with the robber with “pale blue, and rawly red rimmed eyes”, knowing that he is a man with little to lose and is easy to manipulate; he burst out laughing at his utterance of the word capiche (Wolff, 202). That was the end for Anders, right as he began to laugh. The trigger was pulled, the hammer released, the gun powder ignited, and in a ferocious explosion, the projectile began moving at incredible speeds towards his skull. To those not in Ander’s situation, the bullet went by in the blink of an eye, but for Anders, he had plenty of time to evaluate his life.

Wolff choses to reveal his philosophy on life as Anders takes his last breath. In this split second, Anders did not remember any of the bad in his life. He only thought of a single memory from his childhood; a simple memory that he probably had long forgotten in his adulthood. Even in his youth, Anders was a very judgmental boy. As the other boys argue on and on about Mantle and Mays, he describes it as “tedious” and “an oppression like the heat” (Wolff, 205). Nothing ever really changed in this way with Anders. He always criticized and rarely ever enjoyed anything. That was until he met Cole’s cousin from Mississippi. The introduction of Cole is the only time you can see any change in Anders’ behavior. Cole’s cousin says one line which seems to really resonate with Anders; “short’s the best position they is” (Wolff, 205). This completely astounds Anders and stops him in his tracks. Anders finds real beauty in what he said. This phrase captivates Ander’s attention so completely. Many would argue that this was the only time in Ander’s life he really felt something powerful. He was so intrigued, he wanted the boy to say it again so badly, but he did not want to sound like a “jerk” to the other kids, which he probably often did sound like (Wolff, 206). This is the first time Anders has shown anything other than criticism. It is important that he went out of his way to avoid criticizing Cole’s cousin simply because he was so entranced with the two words “they is” (Wolff 205). This is the first time Anders has not wanted to criticize anything. He in fact went out of his way to not condemn Cole. This shows us that that hot day in the yellow field was easily Anders’ favorite day. It had to have been if this was the only memory running through his head as a bullet was running alongside in tandem. This is exactly what Wolff wanted to emphasize. He wanted to show that even for people like Anders, who have little love for the world, there is always something that we can look back on as enjoyable.

Anders is an anomaly in many cases and this is what Wolff tries to prove. He uses the token character of Anders to advocate for hope and the idea that there is always something to live for. Even for this pessimistic man, there is something that makes life worth living, even if it is just two words. Wolff is not only trying to convey that life is worth living, but to live life the way we really want to. Anders was so caught up in self-pity that he forgot to enjoy his life. Criticizing everything and not living his life to the fullest potential took its toll, to the point that he had nothing to lose, and tempting fate was the most excitement he’d seen in years. It is a very sad situation that he put himself in, to no longer want to live because you have given up on trying to find what makes you happy. This short story is a rope being thrown to those drowning in their sorrows and the pressures of life. Life is not an easy thing to tackle, especially as things progress and social orders change, but Wolff wants to advocate that there is always hope. He wants to express that even in life’s bleakest times, there is that one memory that will take you home, back to where you truly feel happiness. For some it is easier to find, and others never seem to find it, but this is why we need small wakeup calls in our lives. These sparks of excitement and fulfilment (though not as dangerous as Anders’ situation) show us that there is a great deal to live for, and unfortunately for Anders, this wakeup call came a little too late.
