Remember. Some people find it hard to do the simple task of recalling information. Even the simplest memories that one holds dear to them, may slip away over time. The human brain has quite a habit of denying our consciousness of certain recollections. As well as it’s knack of denial of recollection, the human brain also has a knack for bringing up random memories at random times. Mr. Anders, the main character in Tobias Wolff’s short story; Bullet in the Brain, discovers this phenomenon in his final moments as a hollow-point burrows its way into, and through the delicate tissues of his cerebral cortex. The hollow-point; a product of a bank robber’s hate towards Anders as he relentlessly provoked him with his derogatory humor and cheeky remarks. In his final seconds, a familiar memory comes to his mind, a memory that is confusing as to why then and there it chose to make its appearance. The reason why the memory made its debut is subjective and confusing, however, to make sense of it all one must comb through the threads of Mr. Anders comprehension to clarify what his brain’s reasoning was to bring up the flashback of his childhood. By analyzing key terms such as- what Anders did not remember, what he did remember, and the memory of the baseball field- we can attempt to understand how the brain works to soothe itself and distorts our reality for our own benefit at times of stress and disorder.

A key part of the story, “Bullet in the Brain,” that plays a significant role in understanding the methodology of Mr. Anders’ brain is to analyze what he did not remember. Tobias Wolff says that “It is worth noting some specific memories Anders did not remember. Given what he did remember. He did not remember his first lover, Sherry… Anders did not remember his wife, or of his daughter” putting into perspective all the things Anders’ brain could have comprehended, yet chose not to (Wolff 204). Why Anders’ sub-consciousness would choose to neglect his own family in his thoughts as his final moments began to come to an end is the exact actions that show how the brain twists our mentalities to calm ourselves. Anders’ brain chose not to remember his first lover, Sherry, for the fact that she embarrassed him, just as his consciousness denied him of his exhaustingly predictable wife and boring daughter. Mr. Anders’ psyche took his whole life’s collection of memories, the good and the bad, and chose to spare his final moments of all the times in his life that were embarrassing enough or negative enough to leave an impression in his memories such as Sherry’s “cordial way she had with his unit, which she called Mr. Mole, as in, “Uh-oh, looks like Mr. Mole wants to play,” and, “lets hide Mr. Mole”” (Wolff 204). It is Mr. Anders’ unconscious denial of these excerpts of his life that plays a key role into comprehending Anders’ comprehension. Lack of comprehension is one dimension of detail that is critical in understanding Anders’ mental functionality just as a random insertion of a memory provides another dimension to his cerebral complexity.

Deviating from the discussion of why Anders did not remember and why his consciousness put up a mental wall from some of his memories, the focus shifts to what all Anders did remember. The last memory that flashed before his eyes, just as the muzzle of the 9mm belonging to the bank robber had done a quarter of a second before, was that of his early childhood. “The heat. A baseball field. Yellow grass, the whirr of insects, himself leaning against a tree as the boys of the neighborhood gathered for a pick-up game.” the scenery of what Anders remembered is very relatable for a wide variety of readers (Wolff 4). With as therapeutic as it is for the reader, with it being a calming and serene memory, the personal ties and childhood luster of the memory surely brought comfort to Anders in his dying seconds. The memory separated Anders from the savage bank robbers, from embarrassing first lovers, from boring wives, and from other negative memories from his past. The memory took Anders to a state of euphoria, a last second gift from his brain. His brain chose to comfort him with a memory that is without pain or negativity, just raw, innocent, childhood joy and wonder. The memory provided by his consciousness brought Anders peace and closure to his mind as the sand in his hourglass slowly ran out. 

The soothing memory that Anders remembers holds a very strong emotional connection to Anders. The memory is one that brings Anders back to a much better time. One that is filled with happiness and innocent tranquility. For a short time that he has to dwell on the memory as “the bullet won’t be outrun forever, or charmed to a halt. In the end it will do its work and leave the troubled skull behind, dragging its comet’s tail of memory, and hope, and talent, and love into the marble hall of commerce” (Wolff 4). Anders can enjoy his memory, he can take his time and appreciate the day in the hot sunshine as the sun sets upon the boys in the baseball field. An interesting characteristic provided the last dialogue between Anders childhood self and Coyle and his cousin that shows that Anders is finally coming to terms with his judgmental nature is Anders strange fixation of the cousin’s accent and word choice. The kid, Coyle’s (Ander’s childhood friend) cousin from Mississippi when asked what position he wishes to play he responds with “ ”Shortstop”, the boy says. “Short’s the best position they is” (Wolff 205). The different and incorrect usage of ‘there is’ strikes Anders and he is incredibly intrigued with how it sounds. Throughout Anders’ life he has been a pessimistic perfectionist with an incredibly sarcastic demeanor, such as the demeanor that got his brains slung all over the commerce building because his personality rubbed the bank robbers the wrong way. Anders would have generally made a point of the grammatical error such as ‘they is’ but in this case Anders finds the kids’ slang as musical and soothing. The flow of syllables is poetic to Anders as he finds a new appreciation and wonder for imperfection that had lost for so long. This new side to Anders shows that he is at peace with his own imperfections, many of which made long lasting memories full of negativity that his brain decided that he was due for a break of and that he deserved a soothing memory for his final moment. Anders finds himself content with the imperfections that are natural to human life, it is his way of coming to terms with his departure. The special memory of the baseball field saved Anders from enduring a memory of something he regretted or something that would upset him in his final moments. Instead he was gifted a peaceful sunset playing s sport that he loved with friends from his childhood while he was in reflection of the poetry of ‘they is.’  The bullet and Anders had a mutual agreement: the bullet would keep passing slowly, and Anders would continue to reflect upon his youth with content recollection.

By the graciousness of his brain Anders is allowed time to reflect on a peaceful memory that brings him lots of joy and inner peace. The memory helped bring himself to terms with his departure and brought closure to his life. Anders’ brain chose to deny all other memories that might have otherwise lead to a mournful or regretful last moment and instead provided Anders with the blessing of serenity. This denial of negative memories and interjection of a good memory comforted him as his brain wanted to leave him at piece with himself. The brain strives to make itself happy in any way possible ad by doing so it eliminated negativity in Anders brain to make his last moments peaceful ones. The baseball field gave Anders a sense of relaxation as all he had to worry about was the sunset cutting his game short. The memory took him to a time of carelessness, away from mortal worries and all the noise of life. Outside of Anders memories; the bullet still continues to creep forward, piercing yet another nerve complex, shattering another container of cognition and tearing another tissue of Anders cranium, sending shards and splatters of who and what Anders used to be into the crowd. The bullet will exit soon, the crowd will scream, and Anders body will fall lifelessly to the floor. However, as Anders’ body makes his descent, he is lost in the summer heat on the sandlot of his hometown. Anders is playing baseball in the sunshine, waiting for the sun to set on his game.
