In Tobias Wolff’s short story, Awaiting Orders, a soldier by the name of Sargent Owen Morse, an infantry man stationed in the US, battles a fight that no one else is aware of. Sargent Morse is a very respected soldier in his regiment and there are many of his brothers in arms that may assume that they know everything about him when in frank reality they have no clue about who Morse is actually. Morse lives the life of a normal soldier, separated from his wife and family and waiting to go home to them soon, when who Morse really is inside happens to be a homosexual man with a lover on the same base camp that he is stationed at. Morse wakes up every morning to the bugle horn to face his daily challenge; hide who he truly is because if people found out it would be devastating for him and who all whom he holds dear. While the War in Iraq is still going on behind the scenes, Morse fights a battle every day to look “normal” and to suppress whatever urges to show who he really and truly is on a daily basis. Morse has a lover in his regiment by the name of Dixon and if anyone were to know the true nature of their relationship, being dishonorably discharged would be the least of their worries as the US Army actively hunted and investigated gays. Morse especially knows what it feels like to be investigated by the Army, being previously investigated for possible homosexuality, as the US Army rigorously weeds out any “pansies” in their ranks. Short of being a very vague love story told in Wolff’s short story, the underlying concepts in Awaiting Orders tells a tale about a Soldier’s pride in his country and in his sexuality amidst danger from his comrades finding out his secrets, and about a man hiding who he truly is to avoid hate and discrimination towards him and his loved ones during one of the most intolerant times in the military known as the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Era.” 

As well as Morse may feel hunted my his armed forces he does not feel less of a human because of personal choices he has made. Aside from the US Army’s intolerance to what he identifies as, this did not stop him from remaining in the armed services still living the false life of a straight man. It’s this pseudo-lifestyle that Morse resents, ‘staying in the closet’ to all of his friends and to those whom he considers brothers. According to Denis Altman, a gay writer; “Oppression, the ‘denial of identity,’ could take three forms: persecution, discrimination, or tolerance” (Altman, 7). Altman means to show the three reasons why a gay man may choose to “stay in the closet” as in the military there is definitely the strong persecution and discrimination aspect and not as much of the tolerance atmosphere. Morse does not choose to suppress his urges and in fact he does the opposite. While he was deployed, he had multiple “flings” with multiple people such as a Cuban waiter and a private in his regiment that was soon sent home (to Morse’s relief as he thought he would end up confessing). Morse lives a dangerous life style but is very precautious not to get caught while he does so as there is much hate for homosexuals in the military. However, with all of the hate and bigotry in the environment that Morse currently serves under he is still very proud to be in the army and serve in his regiment. Even more than just pride in his sexuality, Morse has incredible pride in his servitude, "My dad's a soldier, the boy said, head still bent over the placemat. ‘I know,’ Morse said. ‘He's a good soldier. You should be proud” (Wolff 2). The quote above from Awaiting Orders is Morse responding to a boy about his father, also a soldier, and how Morse has lots of pride for the boy’s father while at the same time having personally holding pride in himself. As M. D. R. Evans asks “Accordingly, it makes sense to examine many aspects of national pride in a diverse group of nations, and to assess: why levels of these diﬀerent aspects of pride diﬀer among cultural groups?” (Evans 305). The simple answer to Evans’ question is the possession of a strong nationalistic mindset in oneself and in what one devotes their self to creates pride in the military. Those in the military are incredibly proud in their brothers in arms and in what they do day in and day out. Their pride in their job and the wok their country does both domestic and overseas is what creates nationalism. Those against the military and/or against the US entirely do not have any sense of pride in the US military and therefor are not proud of the men and women that sacrifice everything to be able to provide such privileges as the ones American’s have to their loved ones.

Tobias Wolff does not specify when he decided to come out or when he decided to embrace who he was inside. Perhaps he has always flamboyantly lived in his alternate lifestyle until coming into the army and coincidentally finding a lover in one of the most anti-gay environments that a homosexually man might find himself in. Depending on the environment, making the decision of either telling everyone you hold dear to you or keeping the burdening secret inside is a very hard predicament to be in.  Despite lying to each and every one of his comrades’ faces on a daily basis, Morse is very happy to be who he is inside. Morse also almost was found out and was pulled into an investigation as at that time in the military’s history it was unacceptable to be homosexual in the military and gays were only allowed in the armed forces under the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. During the timeframe that Awaiting Orders was written about- the 1990s, possibly Gulf War of Iraq conflicts- being homosexual was not allowed in the US military and only if they chose to hide their sexuality then they were permitted to fight in the military. This intolerance became the main reason many homosexuals lost pride in who and what they chose to be as they felt scared to admit what they were and were even ashamed of their life choices. Morse had to go through the daily struggle of looking over his shoulder every day and possibly was even ashamed of who he was because of his comrade’s closemindedness. Morse is a very highly respected member in the US Army and has made many friends and even a lover while in the ranks of the brothers in arms. However, as much pride as he has for his sexuality Morse knows what the possible consequences are if his secret is ever known while he is in active duty. Throughout dodging speculation, fighting for his country and living a life loving the way he wants to he remains very proud of who he is and what he sexually identifies as.

For Sargent Morse, a stone-cold soldier in the US Army deployed during the Iraqi War, keeping secrets from his army brethren is something the enlisted man is all too familiar with. While being a soldier even before the war in the middle east began, Morse has always had pride in what he has dedicated his life to and that he is a rightfully born American. To almost everyone he knows he is a regular army man, tall, good poise, and proud to salute the flag every day. However, Sargent Morse’s friends and brothers in arms are very unaware of a secret that Morse has worked very hard on keeping even prior to his army days. But since his enlistment he has looked over his shoulder every day to keep his secret just that. Sargent Morse is homosexual. Something that the very conservative US army despises and works very hard to uncover the “pansies” (a derogatory term used in the army to describe gays) in its ranks. Knowing what the consequences were for being a man of different sexual preferences are and were circa 1995, Morse’s silence about his sexuality is fully understood. discrimination, chastisement, as well as possible beatings if their sexual identity was identified. For the fictional character, Morse, and for all homosexuals that served in the armed forces during the period of intolerance, secrecy was the only option that protected themselves. In Wolff’s story, Morse has not only himself but also his lover Dixon to protect and does not allow the stranded sister of one of his comrades to stay with him as he is scared of her possibly finding out about his orientation and telling people which could be disastrous (Wolff 4). According to Colin J. Williams and Martin Weinberg, writers of Homosexuals in the Military, the cost of a Soldier’s sexual preference being revealed was an almost certain Less than Honorable Discharge (LHD- a discharge from the military, without imbursement and other previously stated benefits of being a Honorably discharged or retired veteran) and at the worst a Dishonorable Discharge  (DD- an immediate ejection from the military due to an infringement of the policies and practices of the military, usually permanently on the recipients record) (Williams/Weinberg, 236). 

Unfortunately, as the legal authority to eject and punish homosexuals has been revoked by the US Government, the practice of officials, peers, and higherups belittling those that are of different sexuality than the other brothers in arms is all too common. Since the ban of homosexuality has been lifted the number of dedicated American citizens that happen to be gay is unfathomable. They blend in for their safety and for others. They fight as hard any other soldier and with the same America-loving tenacity as a heterosexual soldier would. The secrets that Morse had to keep to watch his own skin is directly akin to the lies some have to tell to feel safe. Morse was proud to serve his country and proud to be gay, but fearful of what his brothers and friends may think of him if their prerequisite knowledge of him being heterosexual was proven incorrect. “Morse had spent twenty of his thirty-nine years in the Army. He was not one of those who claimed to love it, but he belonged to it as to a tribe, bound to those around him by lines of unrebukable obligation, love being finally the point. He was a soldier, no longer able to imagine himself as a beside civilian—the formlessness of that life, the endless petty choices to be made” (Wolff 3) Morse loved the military and especially loved his brothers in arms; some of them maybe more than others as a reference to the multiple flings and relationships he has had while being in the military for almost twenty of his thirty-nine years of being alive. The fact that he was not allowed to be openly gay in the military cut Morse very deeply as he almost felt betrayed that his country would not accept who he was on the inside. In 1948, US POTUS Truman began to make an effort to radically integrate the armed forces which to an extent was one of the most progressive movements the military had seen thus far. However, congress passed a ban on homosexuals serving in the military. The ban was impermeable until Bill Clinton’s presidency in 1993 when the “Congress passed 10 United States Code 654, colloquially known as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT)” (Prakash 1). The law stated “homosexuals to serve {in any military branch} as long as they did not admit their orientation” (Prakash 1) which led to many homosexuals to be able to serve in the army as long as no one found out their sexual identity. Morse had his secret kept close as he cared for Dixon as well as his friends that he had made while being in the military. He admired his platoon, they were, in his words, ”A good-looking troop, though. Some Indian there, those high cheekbones, deep-set black eyes; beautiful, really, and with that slow, catlike way about him, cool, aloof, almost contemptuous in the languor and ease of his movements. Morse had felt the old pull despite himself” (Wolff 2).  He did not want his friends to turn on him or to let them down by revealing that he was someone that was not who they thought they befriended. When talking one of his friend’s sister while he was on orderly duty, he promised to help her find his location as he was deployed shortly before and she was attempting to contact him and find his location through Morse. Morse promised to meet with her and her son at a pancake house and a storm started to unleash its wrath while they sought shelter inside. Morse noticed that they were stuck living in their truck and was tempted to offer Julianne (Hart’s sister) his townhome where he lived with Dixon. “Even as he tried to talk Julianne into taking the money for a room, invoking the seriousness of the storm and the need to get the boy into a safe dry place, he had the sense that if he simply invited her home with him she might indeed say yes. And then what? Dixon waking up and playing host, bearing fresh towels to the guest room, making coffee, teasing the boy—and looking at Morse in that way of his. Its meaning would be clear enough to Julianne. What might she do with such knowledge? Out of shock and disgust, perhaps even feeling herself betrayed, she could ruin them” (Wolff 4) Morse was scared of her finding out his sexuality and possibly doing something to shake money out of the opportunity as she was in a deep financial pinch taking care of Hart’s son.

Awaiting Orders tells the story about a soldier waiting for deployment (i.e. awaiting orders). What comes with his deployment is the many encounters and love affairs he can safely have overseas and feel safe knowing that his secret is kept and that who he is still hides in the shadows. Sargent Morse knows that the military is no place for a gay man, but for a man that conceals his identity and presents a false face of being a straight man, Morse gets along well. Morse unfortunately allows himself to be paranoid and allows the fact that he is hiding things to influence his decision making to the point of not making relationships with other people because of what they might find out. Julianne is one of the people he chooses not to outstretch a hand to because of what she might learn if he had offered her shelter in him and his partner’s home. Concepts such as hiding one’s true identity and being proud at the same time of what one identifies as presents itself very clearly in Tobias Wolff’s short story. Throughout all of his time in the military Morse chose to keep true to himself and practice his sexual preferences behind closed doors and very carefully as to not draw attention while at the same time he put on a mask to conceal who he truly was. Morse was scared that someone would find out but at the same time, proud of who he was and chose to enact upon his intuitions and primal urges to satisfy himself. He was not about to allow any man of force alike to try and change who he was on the inside and he didn’t even give them a hint of who he truly was to conceal his identity. Morse chose to be who he wanted to be and not allow any man to take way his pride in the military and his pride in his sexuality. Morse was especially proud to serve his country, was honored to be in the military, and even could not personally imagine his life not being a military man. Morse did have to hide who he was to his comrades because as much as he trusted them with his life he just could not bring himself to trust them with a secret that could bring everything he had worked his entire life for crashing to the ground. Morse loved his comrades, loved his country, and loved who he was, and the pride that he had made the pain of lurking in the shadows a little easier to bear. Morse is a gay man in the military, Morse is an American, and Morse is very proud to be those things.
