The title of the story “forgiving my father”  by Lucille Clifton, portrays a grudge holding daughter, as throughout the story she blames her father for all of the problems that she faced when with him as well as the early death of her mother. Throughout the story, there are multiple points where the main character is in a state of sorrow or pain that revolve around these memories of the past by her mother and father. These memories prevent the daughter from moving on in her life, showing that we should let the dead live in the past and holding onto them only renews the pain of the memories.

Firstly, throughout the story the daughter frequently refers to every Friday as “payday”, linking every week to the painful memories of her dad and therefore continuing the cycle. She describes it by saying “It’s friday. We have come to the paying of the bills.” (Clifton,525) This quote shows the main reason why Friday is so important, as it is a weekly occurrence and therefore making every Friday a reminder of the inability her father had to provide for his family. The bills that she mentions in the quote also take on many forms of payments; food, money, even family affection. Although all of these types of payment have the same effect in the end, each are essential to a healthy and happy family and lack of such necessities can result in the described painful future. Another way she describes Friday would be related to the father, as she describes him as “the empty pocket that was open and come up empty every friday.” (Clifton, 525)  The daughter describes every Friday as a day of disappointment, as well as a reminder of the father’s inability to provide for the family. This recurring memory only allows for the daughter to breed more hatred towards her father and look at the past for what could have been rather than looking towards the future for a better life. 

Secondly, in the story the daughter references what happened to the mother in the story, and why she might still be waiting for her husband’s givings. As she states “my mother’s hand opens in her early grave and I hold it out like a good daughter.”(Clifton, 525) She states that her mother had died an early death rather than from natural causes and blames her father for her death due to the lack of support. Along with that, she describes her mother’s hand being open although dead, as this could imply that she believes that her mother is still waiting for the “payment” from the father. Along with her mother, the daughter describes her hand as being open as well, as she too wants her father to finally give them what he never could. Later in the piece, the daughter speaks as though she was talking to the father directly, saying “I wish you were rich so I could take it all and give the lady what she was due.”(Clifton,525) Stated here, we can clearly see the daughter have an intent to steal from her father in order to give back to her mother as she “deserved”. Based of the dialogue, the daughter spoke as though she had contempt for her father, only wanting to steal from him and caring for her mother.

Furthermore, the daughter also references her father as a direct interference with her life, as he constantly appears in her dreams and thoughts and therefore makes himself known within her world. After seeing him, she states “all week, you stood in my dreams like a ghost, asking for more time.”(Clifton,526) This quote contains a good amount of information in relation to the daughter’s mental state, as she constantly dreams of her father begging for more time to pay, although in the end his time is up.  She also describes her father as a ghost, and although he is dead, his image still lingers in her mind along with the fact that she describes him coming all week, not even needing to be the “payday” Friday to appear. This could mean that she still considers about giving him some form of payment, although she realizes who he is in the end. With that consideration, she starts to look at his side of the story by describing why he was poor in the first place, saying“you were the only son of a needy father, the father of a needy son; you gave her all you had which was nothing.”(Clifton, 526) This quote describes the father as the “son of a needy father” and helps the daughter take some of the blame off her father, as he had been raised in this manner and only did what he knew. This was one of the few times that she acknowledged the father’s reasons for the lack of payment, but still had a more negative tone towards him throughout the rest of the story.

Finally, near the end of the story the daughter starts to question why she comes to “collect” from her father, as she later comes to terms with the past and allows herself to confront him, therefore gaining closure towards the memories. After pondering about her father, she asks him “old dead man what am I doing here collecting? you lie side by side in debtors' boxes and no accounting will open them up.”(Clifton, 526) This realization makes her start to understand that no matter how much time has passed or how much you give, nothing will ever change the past. She describes him as lying with debtors boxes, as well as them being closed. In her mind, they could symbolize the payment she so badly desires, but later realizes that nothing she does can ever open them up. This allows her some form of closure, as she seems as though to understand that nothing she does is able to bring back the past and correct the mistakes he made. With this closure, she is able to let go of the past with her father and forgive him the lack of payment along with the death of her mother, as keeping a grudge will only recycle the pain. This closure would allow for the daughter to detach from the memories of her pain and move forward in life towards her own future.

 
 In conclusion, the parents of the story caused the daughter a large amount of pain in her life due to abuse, lack of funds, and even lack of parental affection. This caused the daughter to form a grudge against the parents and harbor hate for them whenever she thought of them. However, she soon realized that harboring such hate would not return them to life nor result in any change, allowing her to detach from these memories and forge ahead towards the future in search of her own life.  