
It is evident throughout the course of history that no one survives war without wounds. These wounds manifest themselves in different ways, sometimes mental and other times physical. In Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried, we receive a first hand account of the war through the eyes of a solider. The raw emotion throughout this text is palpable, and serves to provide the reader with a deep sense of culture and the environment in which the soldiers lived and how it affected them. Behind all of the media and propaganda in the 60s and 70s, there is a harsh reality of war. The reality of war is composed of the agony and strife that comes with such intense conflict. There is no victor in war, when all's said and done everyone’s a victim of societal expectations and an overwhelming sense of guilt. This is a great introduction to the social issue, thematically - but I think you can be more specific in terms of a thesis – provide a road map for the argument, and specify which outside information/texts you will bring in to clarify a reading of O'Brien. As of this intro, I can't extract a specific argument/conflict you want to focus on in O'Brien with the exception of war. The highlighted area should be your thesis, but it is too conceptual and doesn’t tell me enough in terms of an argument. 

The first source I researched to support this claim was an article from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs by Jennifer L. Price. Avoid the first person – jump right into the article's argument; but first you must explain how you will use the Price article as a context for O'Brien. Come up with a topic sentence that states a piece of the argument, rather than simply telling me what source is being used. This transition from the intro seems too sharp and disconnected. The article is centered around findings from the National Vietnam Veterans’ Readjustment Study, explaining how depending on the specific circumstances someone was under in the war, are directly proportionate to the level of PTSD that same person will suffer from down the road. Awkward syntax. Men and women who were stationed on the front lines were known as “Vietnam theater Veterans” (Price 2), and were consistently subject to ambushes and guerilla warfare tactics unseen up until this point in history. Being in an environment with stress levels of that magnitude, it is no wonder why so many men came home with various types of mental illness. Good. This study discusses how even when the war ends, for soldiers, the battle continues. The men and women who come back from overseas have an extremely difficult time “readjusting” or re assimilating back into their original lives. O’Brien highlights the guilt these men carry through the aimless destruction they cause when he writes: "By daylight they took sniper fire, at night they were mortared, but it was not battle, it was just the endless march, village to village, without purpose, nothing won or lost” (O’Brien 15). Day after day, these men and women marched through swamps and fields of mud, killing anyone that not wearing a U.S. uniform. No one wins or loses in this situation because there isn’t a point of conflict. The natives in the villages probably knew less about the war than anyone, and they suffered significantly. The guilt that comes with knowledge that you are responsible for the deaths of innocent people is crippling, even long after the war has ended. Good analysis here with nice transitions into O'Brien – go back and look at the topic sentence.

More interesting though, is the way that these soldiers cope with their environment. This is a good transitional phrase – but can you be more specific in terms of 'environment'? At home or at war? You'll want to specify since in the last paragraph you mention both ideas. In O’Brien’s The Things They Carried, the men use items, people, and ideas around them to transcend such a harsh reality. Again, be more specific – define 'reality.' Towards the end of the novel, O’Brien writes: “But this too is true: stories can save us” (143). What he is explaining to the reader here, is that in war when all else fails and you lie awake for nights on end, you can escape through stories. The sharing of lighthearted stories of the way things and people used to be falls under the category of “social support” (7)  that Price claims is key to coping with PTSD. Stories and the bonds we build with others are what lift us out of the pit of despair that is mental illness. This paragraph might be misplaced – it seems like it should come later in the essay. I still haven't been fully introduced to the essay's concerns before this coping mechanism comes in. 

The environment in which these soldiers are stationed in is not the sole root of all the pain and suffering. Society’s expectations of the “ideal soldier” have also proven to be extremely detrimental to one’s well being. Good transition.  An article written by the U.S. National Library of Medicine on war and military mental health states that soldiers who “...recovered from an episode of mental breakdown during combat would suffer no adverse long-term consequences” (National Institute of Health). This article highlights everything wrong with the way we tend to those who put their lives in jeopardy for our freedom. It is rather absurd to assume that if someone recovers from one traumatic event that they will wipe it from their memory and are somehow immune to any other event that may occur in the future. Not all soldiers possess this eternal bravery quality that everyone expects. In O’Brien’s story, the men seem very insecure of themselves in relation to those around them. This analysis feels opinionated without evidence to defend it. Remember to stay away from overly personalizing the analysis. Could you add information that you researched [outside source] pertaining to the danger in seeing this 'ideal' solider, incapable of suffering long term?  O’Brien highlights this large discrepancy between how society sees bravery and, “How he had been braver than he ever thought possible, but how he had not been so brave as he wanted to be” (78). No matter how much bravery Bowker (O’Brien’s friend) demonstrated, in his eyes, it still was not enough. According to O’Brien, this is something that cannot be explained to a regular citizen, it is just understood by those who have experienced war. This issue mostly stems from the fact that society has such high expectations for the mental and physical condition of our military to the point where we deem them inhuman, able to shut their brains off, fight off emotions, and still expect them complete the task at hand. Good analysis here. I wonder if you might incorporate the idea of ideal masculinity and the unrealistic expectation of men to 'stay strong' and avoid emotional turmoil. 

The same article also discusses how “Psychiatric disability commencing after the war was believed to be related to preexisting conditions” (National Institute of Health). Use a topic sentence before referring to article/quote.  It is very easy to make the “preexisting condition” claim when you are someone who has not been in the Vietnam War. We have learned from O’Brien’s first hand accounts that this is entirely false. You might express this differently – be careful of words like 'entirely' - there may be some truth to this researched position on the issue. What you CAN say though is that O'Brien sees it differently/provides a different angle to view the issue from. When he tells the reader: “If at the end of a war story you feel uplifted, or if you feel that some small bit of rectitude has been salvaged from the larger waste, then you have been made the victim of a very old and terrible lie” (68), he explains to us how the stories and pictures you see from war are what people want you to see, not what you need to see. Behind every story of valor and glory, there are a myriad of other stories which people neglect to both share and hear. In O’Brien’s eyes, until you realize this, you are part of the problem. See the way this phrasing works better? You tell me O'Brien thinks this way; not necessarily all are wrong who don't agree. The argument is less opinionated, more objective this way. 

Through both research and The Things They Carried, it has become apparent to me that I truly did not understand anything about not just the Vietnam War, but war in general. Social media and news coverage does little justice for those scrapping day after day on the front lines. Through O’Brien’s skillful storytelling, I have found that there is no nobility in invading foreign territory, uprooting innocent people from their homes, and killing those who you believe to be “the enemy”. The Vietnam War seems to have been an unnecessary conflict considering the number of casualties and distraught U.S. citizens as a result. In order to ensure the wellbeing of our world and all of its inhabitants for the future, humanity must be our race, and love our religion. 
