In Lucille Clifton’s poem, “Forgiving My Father,” she puts a large emphasis on the idea of family and family life. She hints at how family life is different for all of us, and uses her own past as an example of the ups and downs of being a part of a family. Her writing about her past in such a way gives off the vibe that she believes family life isn’t meant to be perfect. 

She begins the poem by taking a stance on her mother’s side as she refers to her father as “old lecher, old liar” (Clifton 9-10). Clearly she has been through a rough childhood and seems to side with her mother when arguments break out among her father and mother. She shows little empathy to her father until the end of her poem. 

To sum up the poem, Clifton is recounting the many times her financially irresponsible father has left her mother in the dust when it came to paying the bills. It upsets her to hear all of the fighting and arguing that the couple did during her childhood. But there are more themes under the cover of her basic depiction of an argumentative family. 

First, she reveals that she is sided with her mom in most of the arguments. The evidence of this comes when she describes her father to the reader. Clifton made it apparent that she couldn’t go on living her life and the mother couldn’t rest peacefully because both believed they were still owed something by the father. She made it clear that she held a grudge with her father because of all he had owed her and her mother. The theme of family and family life is prevalent because Clifton realizes the background of the father and almost reconsiders blaming him for being such a bad father at the end of the poem. 

The definition of family is “a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.” But what most miss is how the relationships of the two groups of parents and children work. It doesn’t tell you about the fights, the tragedy, or the heartbreak that families have to go through. Clifton does an excellent job at making clear that family life isn’t perfect. It is flawed. She tells the reader in the middle of the poem that her father had a tough life before becoming a father. 

Another theme Clifton presents in the poem is the idea of forgiveness. She had to forgive her parents for the fights they had but also forgive each of them for their reasons to fight with one another. Her father had a rough past. She says, “you were the son of a needy father, the father of a needy son; you gave all you had, which was nothing” (Clifton 12-14). Clifton explains that her father had a stressful childhood being in a similar situation as Clifton. She and her father have a very similar childhood and she acknowledges that her father has been through a lot. 

At this point in the poem she no longer sides completely with her mother. She begins to tell how both parents were “each other’s bad bargain, not [hers]” (Clifton 19). Clifton shows us how family is always one. You cannot blame one person because a family is one group. Each member is responsible for the actions and responsibilities of the other members. That’s what makes a family one and united. 

Perhaps Clifton is explaining how she wanted a happy family. One that doesn’t bicker or fight or have any problems. But in reality that would be boring. Without the fights and arguments, a family is bland. Perfection is bland, and Clifton may be hinting at this in her poem. Although the poem could be summarized as Clifton telling of how dismantled her family is, there could be more to the poem. She might have wrote it to let people know that their family isn’t really that bad. She might have wanted to let the reader know that it could be a lot worse. 

At the end of the poem, Clifton asks what exactly she was collecting for her family, because at the end, she finally accepted that she would not go anywhere by dwelling over a circumstance that couldn’t be fixed. She contemplated why she was holding grudges. Thus, she ended the poem with forgiveness, because grudges build up resentment and after all, those two are still her parents. 

In the end, Clifton gives the reader the idea that throughout the poem, there is a large emphasis on the idea of family and family life. It is also apparent that she shows the reader how family life is different for all of us, and supported it by giving examples of her own past as an instance of the ups and downs of being a part of a family are very real. Clifton gave many real examples of how a family is dysfunctional. However, she also gives off a vibe that lets us know that being dysfunctional is normal and shouldn’t be shamed. The structure of her poem is an excellent example of the dysfunctionality of family life because of the lowercase letters starting every line in the poem. Nonetheless, most of these points draw to the conclusion that her poem gives off an idea that family life isn’t meant to be perfect. 
