The home environment that a person is raised in can severely differentiate the memories regarding their childhood. Some may reminisce on all the love and compassion, while others may be haunted and destroyed by all the fighting and family struggles that surrounded them. Parents have the opportunity to either raise their children in a supportive atmosphere to become the best versions of themselves, or set their children up for failure by not showing them the love they deserve. Fathers, usually as the dominant patriarchs of the family, tend to especially play a key role in the tone of the household. In both the poems, “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden and “Forgiving my Father” by Lucille Clifton, the narrators ponder those years spent growing up with their families. Each reflecting back specifically on the ways of their fathers, they find them at most fault for the household hostility. However, as Hayden’s poem describes the recollection of both the good and the bad traits of the father, Clifton’s work involves memories so disconcerting that the act of forgiving her own father is a struggle. As memories are something that are known to either haunt or confide, the way a child is raised will shape the person they are to become and affect them for possibly a lifetime.

At first glance, the poems “Those Winter Sundays” and “Forgiving my Father” have many similarities as they share the over-arching themes of family life and the memories that accompany them. Not only does each work focus on family, but in particular, the relationships had with their fathers. Anger and aggression seemed to pervade the homes they grew up in. In Hayden’s poem, the narrator described the environment by stating he would find himself “fearing the chronic angers of that house” (line 9). Similarly, Clifton’s poem illustrates a quarrelsome household. As she writes, “you were each other's bad bargain, not mine” (line 19) the idea is developed that she often found herself caught in between fights involving her mother and father. By acknowledging the pain and frustration that must arise from seeing your “loved ones” constantly fighting, it becomes apparent why children are greatly disturbed by it; in fact, “In 2002, researchers found that those who grew up in homes with high levels of conflict had more physical health problems, emotional problems, and social problems later in life compared to control groups.” (Divecha). As a home should be the one place that a person can seek comfort no matter what trials the world throws at them, it becomes apparent how an unsafe haven would eventually take a toll on a person. 

 A father is someone who should bring constant love and guidance into his child’s life; however, there are many fathers, similarly to the ones in these poems, that do not provide for their family in one way or another. Although Hayden`s poem described a father who was not there for his child emotionally while Clifton’s work described a father who was not there for his family financially, both still show the impact of these adverse relationships in which causes the narrators to remain stuck on the memories years later. As a result of growing up in a bad relationship with your father, people may live their whole lives feeling like a part of it is incomplete. Sometimes filled with anger and confusion, a child may rebel and act reckless in order to get attention. Vincent DiCaro, vice president of the National Fatherhood Initiative, wrote in the Huffington Times, “America is awash in poverty, crime, drugs and other problems, but more than perhaps anything else, it all comes down to this: Deal with the absent fathers, and the rest will follow” (Rosiak). Each father in the two different poems shared the similarity of being an “absent father” in their own way. 

Although each of the works of literature share significant similarities, there are differences that exist as well. As recognized as one of the previous similarities “Those Winter Sundays,” describes a boy who appeared to have a cold, distant relationship with his father. This emotional detachment between them blinded the son to everything the father did for the family. By working long, hard hours he made sure his family was provided for financially, unlike the father in Clifton’s poem.  Even on Sundays, his day off, he would wake up just as early in order to make sure the house was heated during those cold winter months. As the boy matured, he began to see past the aloof relationship they shared. He even began to realize “no one ever thanked him” (Hayden 5) for all his hard work. This recollection provides the thought that as the boy grew older and wiser, his perspective on his childhood began to change. While understandably still recalling the frequent reserved moments with his father years later, feelings of guilt and regret now entered the memories as well. Time allowed him to look upon his father’s traits in a new light and see things from a different perspective. 

Unlike “Those Winter Sundays,” the girl in “Forgiving my Father” finds it much more difficult to see any type of good in her father’s passed ways. Whereas Hayden’s poem eventually focuses on both what the father did right as well as wrong, Clifton’s poem tends to remain resentful as she finds it an obstacle to forgive her father for his mistakes. Throughout the whole poem, she recalls growing up in her household as a very hostile and unenjoyable time in her life. Her father never seemed to be able to give his family what they needed. Every pay day, he came up short forcing fights between him and his wife. Living in poverty took tolls on the family, eventually leaving “mother's hand opens in her early grave” (Clifton 6). The narrator blamed her dad for her family’s poverty and for her mother’s early death. The reader can assume that even after the passing of her father, she remained bitter. However, the poem does state that at times she has mixed feelings because she was aware it was not solely his fault. By stating, “but you were the only son of a needy father, the father of a needy son” (lines12-13), Clifton hints that it was not entirely the father’s fault for the family’s financial issues. Even still, the daughter places much blame on the shoulder of her father’s for the pain he put her through.

As it is a known fact that no one is perfect and parenting does not come with a hand book, it at times seems unfair to hold on to every mistake that they make. With that being said, the task of being a “good” mother or father plays an essential role in the mental, physical, and emotional development of a child. Since both poems involve the lingering memories of their past and the faults in their family relationships, it is shown that no matter how much time may go by, certain memories have the power to stick with a person for a life time. 
