“A father brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate.” Childhood is a period of time that every person experiences, whether they appreciate it or not. The home environment that a person is raised in, however, can severely differentiate the memories and thoughts that each person has about this precious time in life. Some may reminisce on all the love and compassion, while others may be haunted and destroyed thinking back on all the negative energy that surrounded them growing up. Depending on the way they did their job, parents can leave either a positive or negative impact on a child, that could stay with someone into their adult years. Fathers spefically, play a key role in whether family life was pleasurable or not. In both the poems, “Those Winter Sundays”, by Robert Hayden and “Forgiving my Father”, by Lucille Clifton the narrators reflect on the memories they had of their childhood due to their parents, in particular, their father’s imperfect ways. However, as Hayden describes a boy who looks back on the cold relationship he had with his father in gratitude, Clifton narrates a girl who seems to hold a grudge and spends her life searching for the grace of forgiveness. Whether good or bad, the memories of childhood shape a person into who they become in the future and can impact their perspective on the rest of their life to come.

Both “Those Winter Sundays” and “Forgiving my Father” share many similarities that allow the two poems to be easily compared. As family relationships and the memories that accompany them act as a consistent motif throughout each of the works of literature, it is obvious that there will be much in common. The narrators in each poem reflect on the relationship they had with their family, in particular their fathers. The home lives they grew up in seemed to be hostile and filled with chaos. In Hayden’s poem, the narrator described his home environment as “fearing the chronic angers of that house” (Hayden 9). Similarly, Clifton’s poem also illustrates a quarrelsome household. She states, “you were each other's bad bargain, not mine” (Clifton 19) to show the reader how there was often fighting between the mother and father that the narrator was caught in between. Conflicting atmospheres greatly impact a child as they are growing up, that may even stick with them until they are fully grown. Memories of watching the people you know, love, and admire constantly argue, eventually will take a toll on a person. They may even begin to look at their own parents through a lens of resentment. This can greatly impact a child and even stick with them into the stages of adulthood. “In 2002, researchers found that those who grew up in homes with high levels of conflict had more physical health problems, emotional problems, and social problems later in life compared to control groups. As adults, they were more likely to report vascular and immune problems, depression and emotional reactivity, substance dependency, loneliness, and problems with intimacy” (Divecha). As a result of the aggressive environments they grew up in, the narrators in both poems similarly, were left looking back on their childhoods and family relationships with heavy hearts. 

Although each of the works of literature share significant similarities, there are blatant differences that exist as well. Even though both poems describe remembering times with family, the way each teller of the poem looks back and reflects on what happened to them, varies greatly. Hayden tells the story of a young boy who did not realize all his father did for him growing up. His father would work long, hard hours in order to provide for his family. And even on Sundays, the one day he had off, the father would wake up just as early in order to make sure the house was heated during those cold winter months. He would even go above and behind to make sure the shoes were polished. However, because of the cold and uninviting demeanor of the father, the narrator did not realize all that was done out of love for him. As he matured, he began to look past all the fighting and tough times the father brought to the family. Looking back, he realized “No one ever thanked him” (Hayden 5) because although he was cold, he still did all he could to make life comfortable for them.  This allows the reader to assume that the narrator seemed to think back on his childhood with a sense of guilt and maybe even a little regret. As he grew older and matured into more of a man, he looked upon his father’s traits in a different light. No longer was he just an icy, unapproachable man who brought aggression and hostility to the house. He was a man who worked hard and long to always make sure his family had everything they needed. None the less, the father’s inability to create a welcoming and strong relationship with his children and family would affect him for years far after childhood was over as he continued to think about those times. 

Whereas “Those Winter Sunday’s” focused more on memories of regret and not realizing the father’s love was shown in different ways, “Forgiving my Father” chose to remember the father’s faults in a more resentful way. Throughout the whole poem, a women recalls growing up in her household as a very hostile and unenjoyable time in her life. Her father, a man who she thought was supposed to provide for her family, never seemed to be able to give his family what they needed. Every pay day, he came up short forcing fights between her mother and father. Living in poverty, took tolls on the family, eventually leaving “my mother's hand opens in her early grave” (Clifton 6). The narrator placed the blame for not only an unhealthy home life for her, but the cause of her mother’s early death on her father’s inability to do his paternal duties. For most of her life she was angry and maddened towards her father, even long after he had passed away as well. Research shows that, “girls with involved, married fathers are more likely to have healthier relationships with the opposite sex because they learn from their fathers how proper men act toward women” (Stanton). However, the poem does state that at times she has mixed feelings because she was aware it was not solely his fault. By stating, “but you were the only son of a needy father, the father of a needy son” (Clifton 12,13), Clifton develops the idea that it was not entirely the father’s fault for the family’s financial issues. This is what puts the narrator, remembering her life growing up, in a torn position. She is caught somewhere in between hating her father for all the struggle, pain, and difficult times he put her family through, and forgiving him for at the end of the day he is still her father and he gave all he had; unfortunately, that was never good enough. 

Family relationships and the way in which a child was raised can greatly impact a person, no matter if the memories were good or bad. As a person matures and reflects on what once was, they have two options: to forgive or to try to forget. Since in both the poems, “Those Winter Sundays” and “Forgiving my Father” the narrators have a hard time forgetting, they are left with the memories of their father’s faults. Although they each have a different way of viewing their past, one can conclude that emotional trauma from a parent’s inability to create a strong, loving environment for their family can stay with a person long after their childhood ends. 
