In life, humans are given many choices. From simple ones like weather to watch a movie or go on a run to the complex decisions like deciding a career path or finding a spouse. One thing that is not up for discussion is one of these important decisions, maybe the most important of them all. Who is your mother and father? It’s fascinating how human infants don’t have a say in who leads them through the early years of their lives. They have no voice in who will be their role model, their caregiver, and most of all, their friend. Some of us humans are blessed with amazing parents, while unfortunately others are not. The two poems “Those Winter Sundays” (Robert Hayden) and “Forgiving my Father” (Lucille Clifton) iterate this idea extremely well. Lucile Clifton reflects on her mal experiences with her father while Robert Hayden opposites this and talks about the great memories of his father. The contrasting themes of the poems is powerful and gives readers insight on the different experiences people have with their fathers. In both poems, the speaker eventually realizes how much their father goes through, in “Those Winter Sundays” the speaker has loving memories of his father while in “Forgiving My Father” the speaker has bad memories of their father, and the tone in “Forgiving My Father” is more angry and mad, while the tone in “Those Winter Sundays” was more reminiscent and loving.  

To start off, in both poems, the speaker eventually realizes what their father goes through. In “Those Winter Sundays” the poem seems to be a” sympathetic description is from the point of view of an adult remembering and not from the perspective of a child observing his father.” (Jeannine Johnson). This brings about the possibility that the speaker didn’t really appreciate all that his father did in the moment, but only now in his adult life has he realized all the things his father did for him. We can see more evidence that he didn’t appreciate what his father did for him when the speaker admits “No one ever thanked him” (Robert Hayden line 4). This means that after all the father did for the family, not one thank you was said. This extends the idea that not only did the speaker not appreciate his father but the rest of the family might not have either. Continuing this idea, a similar storyline can be seen in “forgiving My Father” as well. In the beginning of the poem, the speaker curses her father, going on to say “I wish you were rich so I could take it all / and give the lady what she was due” (Clifton line 10-11). This shows a true unappreciation of what their father does and it even sounds like the speaker hates their father in this sentence. Knowing that Clifton “is the mother of a large family” ( Waniek), we can infer that she knows a good bit about what it means to be a good father. So, the fact that she wrote such hateful words carries heavy weight and must mean that the speakers father must have messed up tremendously. It’s only later in the final lines of the poem that the attitude towards her father changes. In the final few lines of this masterpiece, the speaker seems to come to terms with their father and realizes “you gave her all you had / which was nothing. You have already given her / all you had”( Clifton line 14-16). The speaker after venting out all this anger finally realizes that their father gave it his all. Their father gave parenthood his best shot, he really tried his best and the speaker realizes that’s all you can ask for in a parent. There will be some successes and there will be failures, but if the parents are trying and genuinely care about their children that’s all one can ask.  In the end both speakers realize the struggles their parents go through creating a similarity between the two poems. 

On another note, in “Forgiving My Father” the speaker has bad memories of their father while in “Those Winter Sundays” the speaker has fond memories of their father. In “Forgiving My Father” the speaker talks about old Sundays when  his father “got up early / and put his cloths on in the blueback cold, / then with cracked hands that ached / from labor in the weekday weather made / banked fires blaze” (Hayden  line 1 -5). In these lines, we can grasp the old lifestyle of the family. The speaker is reminiscing on when his father used to wake up early and warm the house up for the family.  Now at the time when the events where happening the speaker may not have appreciated this, but looking back from the future on these events of the past, the speaker thinks fondly of these times. Readers of the poem get a since of nostalgia. The opposite can be found in “Forgiving My father”. In the first stanza the speaker compares her father to a “ghost”(Clifton line 4) amongst other hateful comments in the second stanza such as “ there is no more time for you. there will / never be enough time daddy daddy old lecher” (Clifton line 8-9). These comments provoke a negative image of the speakers father and seems to represent bad childhood memories. These negative memories are almost polar opposites to the warm and comforting memories in “Those Winter Sundays”. This is one of the main differences in the two poems and really shows the idea that some children are blessed with great parents and unfortunately others are not. 

Continuing on , the tone in  “Forgiving My Father” is more angry and mad while the tone in “Those Winter Sundays” is more of a reminiscent and loving tone. In the opening stanza of the poem, the speaker seems provoked at her father. She seems to feel like her father owes her something and this is illustrated in the lines “but today is payday, payday old man;” (Clifton line 5). This line introduces an angry tone, the reader can feel the anger represented in this statement. The fact that the speaker states the word payday twice emphasizes the fact that the speaker has been waiting for the father to give the mother what she is owed. This creates a sense of retribution within the family and extends the tone of anger in the poem. Opposing this in “Those Winter Sundays” there is a more loving and reminiscent tone. As Jeannine Johnson said in her essay “An Overview Of “Those Winter Sundays”.”  The poem is most likely “from the point of view of an adult remembering” and “not from the perspective of a child observing his father.”            (Jeannine Johnson).  We see this illustrated in the line “no one ever thanked him”(Hayden line 5). This shows the speaker looking back on the past reminiscing that no one really appreciated what the father of the household did for the family. This gives the poem a reminiscent tone making the reader feel nostalgic about the memories and even can make the reader think about their own childhood. We also see later in the poem a tone of love when the speaker says “What did I know, what did I know, of love’s austere and lonely offices?” (Hayden line 13-14). This shows the speaker talking to himself in a sort of regretful way. The speaker seems to regret not showing the father more respect because the speaker never really understood and appreciated what his father did for the family as a child, its only now in maturity does the speaker realize the love his father had for the family. 

To conclude, as a child everyone will have a different experience with their parents. It’s always good to understand what other people’s childhoods where like because in the end, it helps us understand each other more. Some people are blessed with extravagant childhoods while others live in poverty with maybe a broken household. As a race we need to come together to accept all stories and all people no matter what their backgrounds. And these two poems do a great job of illustrating these differences and similarities between childhoods. In the end,  In both poems, the speaker eventually realizes how much their father goes through, in “Those Winter Sundays” the speaker has loving memories of his father while in “Forgiving My Father” the speaker has bad memories of their father, and the tone in “Forgiving My Father” is more angry and mad, while the tone in “Those Winter Sundays” was more reminiscent and loving.  
