
Not everyone expresses love in the same way or even knows how to display affection towards someone. In the poems “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden and “forgiving my father” by Lucille Clifton, the fathers in the poems find this struggle with their own child. “Those Winter Sundays,” speaks of a father who always went to work in the “blueblack cold” (line 2) with his “cracked hands” (line 3). Throughout the poem, we realize the speaker’s father had a tough relationship with his child. Comparably, in “forgiving my father,” the speaker reflects on the way her father treated her family financially and how she inherited many of his mistakes.  These two texts show that love is not always an easy road shown in affectionate and warm ways. Through the elements used by the authors in both of these poems, they appeal to the audience’s emotion through a story of love and forgiveness.

There are many different elements in “Those Winter Sundays” which contribute to this idea that love can be a struggle. In this poem, Hayden speaks of the brutal and grueling life that a father went through. The father had “cracked hands that ached from labor” (line 2) yet still woke up early to make a fire in the cold weather. Because the son was younger during this time, he may have taken the sacrifices his father made for granted and never saw the big picture. The poet describes the difficult sacrifices by the father and then concludes by saying that he was not thanked.  At that time, the speaker may have been bitter towards his father because he would speak “indifferently” towards him and experienced the “chronic angers” (line 9) of his father. However, in hindsight, the son realizes that his father loved him since he took care of him and even shined his shoes. He did not understand at that time the difficulty of love by his father but now he realizes the fact that love has “austere and lonely offices” (line 14). 

The word choices such as the ones mentioned, show how Robert Hayden captures the character of the father through two different perspectives of his life. In the biography “Forty Days of Mourning” by Ibtisam Barakat, she similarly speaks of her own father’s hands as being “weathered and wounded” which reflected the severity of his life (Barakat 1).  This struggle by her father is similar to the one of the son’s father and it shows why they were treated in the ways they were. In “Those Winter Sundays” the “cold” is a motif throughout the poem used by Hayden. He speaks of the weather which relates to the emotion of the boy’s experience. The cold helps paint the image of bitterness and hardship. Therefore, when the speaker expresses the positive things his father did such as make warm fires, he mentions how he was “driving out the cold” (line 11). This coldness being driven out can also be seen as the “chronic angers” of the house that were so present. Hayden mentions the father getting rid of the cold in the last stanza which is around the time the son seems to understand the father’s actions. All of these elements contribute to the idea of tough love and how it is not always an easy road. 

Moreover, “forgiving my father” has different facets which make the poem one that contributes to the theme of tough love. In the poem, the daughter had two parents who had difficulties in their relationship which included financial problems that were inherited by the daughter. Unlike in “Those Winter Sundays,” Clifton makes it clear that the daughter does not have respect for her father. She describes him as “old pauper old prisoner, old dead man” (line 20).  This shows how removed she feels from him which is the result of the way she feels that she was treated by him. In addition, the daughter sees the father as a ghost that has been standing in her “dreams asking for more time.” This displays just how much of a burden she feels her father has been to her and her mother. The speaker seems to have more anger towards her father than mother. However, by the end of the poem, the daughter blames both of her parents for what she has inherited.  In addition, she refuses to let their differences affect her life. Similarly, to “Those Winter Sundays,” the speaker reflects on her relationship with her father. In the article by Kuzniar, she says that “forgiveness moves us away from isolation, alienation, poisoned memory, self-interest, and resentment” (Kuzniar 347).  When the daughter says that her father was “the son of a needy father,” this shows how she tries to reconcile with why he behaved the way he did. This brings to light to her that she can forgive him even though it is very difficult. 

The style and elements that Lucille Clifton uses in this poem develop the idea that love is not something that is always easy to show.  In contrast to “Those Winter Sundays,” the entire poem is written so that the speaker is talking directly to her deceased father. This adds even more to the idea that her father meant a lot to her and that she truly wants to forgive him. This relates to Kafka’s “Letter to His Father” where he “reaches beyond accusations against his father” (Kuzniar 200) in order to forgive him. Moreover, it is apparent that her father made mistakes yet she still tries to forgive him even though she struggles to see any love that he had for her. Money seems to be at the core of the daughter’s frustrations in Clifton’s poem. This shows how that the father truly could not provide or really help her family. This differs from Hayden’s poem because the father of the son was able to provide. Though the situations were very different, the central theme of tough love exists in both poems.  

In both poems, it is difficult to understand exactly why the fathers may have behaved the way they did towards their children. However, one way or another, love and family is very prevalent which is what makes these two texts relatable and significant. Conversely, “Those Winter Sundays” and “forgiving my father” both show the struggle of father’s to love their children. In Clifton’s text, the speaker struggles more to find the love her father may have shown her. However, both speakers in the poems have to look through the austere of their fathers to find the true answer to their turbulent family situations. Without a doubt, both of these poems bring to light the idea that love is a rocky road that will not always be warm and fuzzy. The poems by Hayden and Clifton truly speak to the audience’s emotions through the relatability and honest passion in both works. 
