

Whether we like it or not, our parents shape a large part of who we are. No matter how much we fight with them or get angry at them, we can’t change the fact that they are our parents. In Theodore Roethke’s poem “My Papa’s Waltz”, he discusses one night when he was a young child and he danced with his father. The father is drunk and messing up the dance moves, but the boy still loves him. Similarly, Lucille Clifton in her poem “Forgiving My Father” writes about a girl whose parents died and left her in terrible financial standing and filled with rage towards them but still forgives them by the end of the poem. These stories relate because both of the children in them were let down by their parents in different ways, but still find a way to forgive them. 

Theodore Roethke’s poem is about when he was just a young boy and his father comes home after a long day. As soon as his father walks in the door, Roethke says his father’s breath reeked of whiskey so much that it “Could make a small boy dizzy” (Roethke 2). By starting off like this, it gives an early impression that the father is an alcoholic. Although there is no direct violence in the next few lines, there is an underlying hint of violence as the father is drunk and could easily escalate and become violent. As the boy starts to dance with his father, the boy has to hang on “Like Death” because his father is dancing so violently with him. By using the word “death”, it shows us that the boy has to hold on so tightly that he can’t escape, like we can’t escape death and also shows us that the boy is not enjoying the dance. As Roethke continues to describe the dance, it becomes clearer and clearer that this dance is more of a romp. In the next lines, we are introduced to the mother. She stands by watching this romp but her “Countenance could not unfrown itself” (Roethke 3-4). She either is not really bothered by the dance even though it is causing quite a ruckus and making a mess of the kitchen, or she is too frightened that her husband is going to become violent towards her if she intervenes. I tend to think she does not intervene because she is too frightened to intervene because of the subtle hints of violence earlier in the poem. The father then violently grabs the boy by the wrist and we get a description of his hand. Roethke describes the hand as “Battered on one knuckle”, as If he had just gotten into a fight (Roethke 10). This again goes back to the underlying tone of violence. The “dance” continues and the father starts to mess up some of the steps. Whenever he misses a step, the boy’s ear scrapes against his father’s belt, but the father doesn’t stop, presumably because he is drunk and ignoring it. The “dance” then starts to wind down and the father waltzes the boy to bed. Even through this horrendous dance, the boy never let’s go of his father. Even though the father put the boy through a lot of pain and the dance was very unpleasant for the boy, the boy still loves his father. 

In Lucille Clifton’s poem “Forgiving My Father”, we quickly find out that a daughter is left alone after her parents passed away and is not happy with her father because of the financial situation he leaves her in. The daughter uses “Old liar” to describe her father. She clearly holds a lot of resentment towards him and does not seem close to forgiving him. The daughter mentions that her father “Was the son of a needy father” and puts some of the blame on the environment that he grew up in and justifies his action by this being the only way he knew how to live because his father was just like him. (Clifton 13). The daughter then thinks back to a Friday, which was “payday”, but her father does not have any money. The daughter goes on to call her father “Old pauper”, “Old dead man” and “Old prisoner” (Clifton 20). By calling her father these names, it is clear that she feels emotionally detached from her father. In the beginning, the daughter made it clear that her mother could not rest in peace and she could not go on with her life because she felt they were both owed a significant amount by her father. The daughter feels as though she is just left with all the burdens after her mother and father die and believes it is absolutely unfair. Towards the end of the poem, the daughter comes to the realization that it is not all her father’s fault. She says “you were each other’s bad bargain, not mine” (Clifton 19). Although a lot of problems cam from her father, her mother is also to blame. Although this isn’t necessarily forgiving her father, the daughter is saying that her mother and father should have dealt with these issues on their own and shouldn’t have brought her in the middle of it. At the end, the daughter asks “What am I doing collecting” and in this is accepting that there is no point in being angry at her father all her life because she will never get anywhere doing that (Clifton 21). At the end, the daughter comes to the realization that if she is just angry at her dad all her life, she is not going to go anywhere. She needs to forgive her father and although he left her in a really bad situation, she can overcome it once she forgives her father. 

These two poems relate to each other because the fathers in both stories put their kids in bad situations. For the boy, his father shows up drunk out of his mind and starts throwing his son around the kitchen doing a “dance”. The father is so drunk that her keeps messing up the steps and each time he does, his son faces the consequences because the boy’s ear would scape up against the father’s belt. Roethke also includes an underlying hint of violence and we get the feeling that the father has gotten drunk and been abusive to his wife and son before. Even through all this, the boy never let’s go of his father, even when they dance to the boy’s bedroom. The boy does this because he loves his father regardless of what he has done in the past. The daughter in Lucille Clifton’s poem “Forgiving My Father” is incredibly angry at her father in the beginning. When her father died, he left her in an incredibly bad financial situation. As the poem goes on, she insults her father and shows how emotionally distant she is from him. Towards the end, she realizes that holding in this anger will not get her anywhere. Her father did what he did and she can’t change that now. She has to let this anger go and forgive her father or she will live her life full of anger and won’t be able to be successful. When she comes to this realization, she forgives her father and realizes the past is the past and she can only focus on the future of her own life. 

At some point in our lives, we come to the realization that we are stuck with our family no matter what we do. This does not mean we can’t fight with them or be angry at them, but in the long run they are there to support and help us. Although both of these children are left in bad situations, the both seem to realize that their family is there to help them and there is no point in harboring anger towards them all their lives. In conclusion, we need to love our families to the best of our abilities because they are often our biggest supporters and although we may argue with them, in the long run they love and care for us. 