
Within “forgiving my father” by Lucille Clifton, “debt” is used as a metaphor to show the authors emotional resentment and detachment towards her father. These feelings stem from her fathers constant absence from her young life. He was never there to support her; because of this, Clifton’s father left her with both fiscal and emotional debt. The author says, “What am I doing here collecting? /you lie side my side in debtors’ boxes/ and no accounting will open them up”(l. 21-23). The author feels emotionally disconnected from this man and expresses this through her word choice. She also feels as if her parents manipulated her into doing certain things that would solely benefit themselves. Due to all of the resentment Clifton has held on to for the entirety of her life, she is still unable to forgive both her parents, but especially her father.  

Being the financial supporter of a family is a major role that most fathers play in a child’s life; however, Clifton feels her father did not abide by this stereotype. Within the poem, Clifton makes a point to say that her father was incapable of supporting himself or his family. The author states, “You are the pocket that was going to open/ and come up empty any Friday”(l.17-18). Time after time her father would come up short in every aspect of her life. It also appears that this was a repeated action; over and over again he was unable to satisfy. This repeated disappointment engrained these bitter emotions deeper and deeper into her. She also uses payday twice within the passage to symbolize his lack of adequate funds, “But today is payday, payday old man”(l.5). Due to his unreliability, he cannot support the family, which spawns much greater issues. 

Along with not being there to support the family financially, he was also very emotionally absent. Clifton says, “All week you have stood in my dreams/ like a ghost, asking for more time”(l.3-4). Within this passage, the author refers to her father as a ghost; this means that the memories she holds of her father are both haunting and tormenting. The fact that the author refers to her father as a ghost also indicates that he has since passed away. His inability to live up to her basic expectations has continued to taunt her long after he died. The presence that he holds within her memory is one that is passive and somewhat irrelevant. It’s clear that this “debt” is not only physical but it is also emotional.

The words that Clifton uses to emphasize her disgust of her father are significant. She uses words such as “old man”, “daddy old lecher”, “old pauper”, and “old prisoner” to refer to her dad. “Old” generally symbolizes something that is no good, decrepit, and elderly; it represents him being useless to her and her family. Clifton speaks about him in such a way to show the emotional barrier that disconnects this man from being her father figure. Her decision to describe him in such a negative light goes to support her constant disappointment that she has had in him for the entirety of her life.

Not only is Clifton bitter about the role her father played in her childhood, but she is also angered by the way that she was pushed and pulled between her parents relationship. The large amount of financial hardship within the family created tension between her mother and father. The author states, “I wish you were rich so I could take it all/ and give the lady what she was due”(l.10-11). “It” in this quotation is referring to money. It’s clear within this passage that Clifton puts the blame of her mothers dissatisfaction upon her fathers shoulders. Clifton also continues to blame her father for her mother’s death.  She says, “My mother’s hands opens in her early grave/ and I hold it out like a good daughter”(l.6-7). The author makes it clear that her mother had an early grave and the reasoning behind her death was her father’s inability to comply with what she needed. Not only does Clifton feel as if he still owes her, but she also thinks her mother is in debt to her father too. Because of this, the mother has not been able to find peace in her grave. However this also ties back into the theme of family problems. The author mostly blames her father for the issues within the family, but she also bestows some of the blame upon her mother. Clifton’s mother manipulated her and used her daughter for vengeance on her father. The mother has continuously held out her own hand through her daughter. This sort of handling continues to scar Clifton and create a divide between her and her parents. 

Although Clifton resents her for the lack of support, she does feel sympathetic for him. The author writes, “But you were the son of a needy father, / the father of a needy son;/ you gave all you had/ which was nothing” (l.11-14). Her father acted in the way that his father demonstrated to him; he knew nothing better than to be needy, unreliable, and irresponsible. This slight dismissal of his actions only lasts a few lines of the poem for she is still unable to completely disregard her bitter feelings of resentment. The word needy is also used twice just in this one quotation. She uses it in a very literal term in the sense that he was a needy man. But him being needy was also embedded into the rest of the family’s life; it cascaded into her life and was there to stay. 

Clifton wrote the poem “forgiving my father” in attempt to dismiss and forgive her father. After holding on to the debt for years, the author has finally decided to face it; she acknowledges, “No accounting will open them up”(l.23). She finally recognizes that she has chosen to ignore this debt for her whole life. This poem is her pursuit to overcome all the baggage and repay the debt that was left for her after her parents passed away. Unfortunately, Clifton knows no other feelings other than disappointment when thinking about her father. She was raised without him; because of this, she has been permanently damaged and has yet to gain the ability to conquer the debt that has been left behind in his absence.  