Theories of how attraction happens, what makes relationships successful, and why relationships last hold interest by the public because of the personal knowledge they provide. Research towards answering these questions would revolutionize the way we date and change how we reflect upon our own personal connections. The questions we ask about relationships have parts, the first is if opposite personalities cause initial attraction, then if such a relationship will result in failure or success. The theories of similar versus opposite attraction consider many variables associated with human relationships, but they all basically state that either opposite personalities cause attraction between two people or that similar personalities cause the attraction. Both theories have been tested but even with conducted studies there is significant room to make personal conclusions as to which theory one would personally agree with. After analyzing multiple studies and research, I have concluded that opposite personalities cause attraction, but it is the similar personalities that create a lasting and successful relationship.

The theory of opposites personality attraction is most often heard in the phrase "opposites attract." Personality is difficult to measure, but with tests such as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, studies can categorize the many facets of a person's personality. The MBTI itself has also collected data on which parts of a personality seem to attract each other. Research has indicated that people with opposite dominant functions, Extroversion and Introversion, and opposite Judging and Perceiving functions seemed to attract and create successful relationships (The Myers & Briggs Foundation). Both of these functions deal with how a person connects with the inner and outer world. What the MBTI assessment is saying is that we are attracted to those who are opposite in regards to these types. This theory first asserts that we are naturally attracted to those who are different from us because the differences are somewhat exciting (Myers & Briggs Foundation). But then it is not just the excitement that draws us to an opposite person; it is a natural quest for completion. This theory is that we are naturally attracted to people that are opposite of us because they have strengths where we have weaknesses (BSM Consulting Inc). Therefore, when we date/mate with someone who is opposite, we create one unit that is well-rounded.  It is a quest for completion of the self and of the unit.

A variation on this theory is that our natural attraction to opposite people is how we subconsciously deal with the weaker aspects of our own nature (Giordano). In an opposite relationship there are significant issues and communication barriers that need to be overcome; so in a sense attraction to an opposite personality is a subconscious way to drive ourselves to become a more complete individual (Giordano). Research has found that opposite relationships work only for the intimate kind; friends and colleagues would rather have similar people to interact with (BSM Consulting Inc).

Those who favor similar personality attraction would use the common phrase "birds of a feather flock together". The MBTI Test also states that individuals who had the same function in regards to Sensing/Intuition and in Judging/Perceiving were to have the longest and happiest relationships (Myers & Briggs Foundation). This is thought to be because these functions deal with how people focus on life and communicate with others.  Similar communication comes from the Sensing/Intuitive function because it deals with how a person gathers information and interprets it, so that when the information is communicated with another Sensor or Intuitive, it is better understood. Those who believe that opposites attract have countered saying, "Intuition, despite the popular idea that it facilitates human understanding, may actually be a handicap to getting and staying married" (Confirm Opposites Attract).

This theory works off the basis that people simply feel more comfortable spending time with people who are similar to them (BSM Consulting Inc). In other words, we are comfortable with ourselves.  If we date or interact with someone who is very similar to us, then there is comfort found because it is almost like interacting with ourselves. Another study says that some aspects of personality are more heritable than others. If personality is found to be in genes of a, then it is suggested that partners will seek out each other based on genetically determined personality instead of environmentally determined personality, such as culture, family, education, or religion (Seyfried).  This is similar to kin selection in animals; somehow if we mate/interact with people with similar "personality" genes that we deemed useful for the next generation, then the next generation will be more likely to survive. This theory is basically saying that we are trying to protect certain personality traits.

Every theory discussed presents valid reasoning as to why certain personalities attract, but there are holes in each argument. Both sides state that certain personality traits would cause attraction and create a relationship between the two people involved. Although what is disregarded is the length and quality of the relationship.  Opposite attraction especially speaks on terms of short term interaction. For example, at a party, the shy person would be attracted to the outgoing center of attention party goer. There will be strong initial attraction because you are discovering someone new, and the process of getting to know them will be fascinating as you learn more about how they differ from you, but the question is what happens after this initial attraction phase. How long can one be in a relationship with someone that is extremely different to them in regards to personality when personality can affect all other aspects of a person's life? Similar attraction theory could be applied to initial meetings, such as a club meeting, a gathering of people who have something in common. However, it may be harder to make initial connection because you would have to get to know the person and their interests to be attracted to their similarities.

My argument suggests that both theories of personality attraction are correct and incorrect in their own ways. The opposite personality attraction theory is correct in its assessment of initial attraction because a person can be heavily attracted to someone based on first impressions. I say that the differences in personality will give each person involved something to uncover, discover, and work on. Although opposite personality would have its difficulties when coming to communication and values. Therefore, similar personalities will have the successful relationships because communication and values will be the same. As found in the research, those with similar personalities mean that they have components that contribute to how the person views and interprets the world and thus communicates it towards the outer world.

Those in agreement with opposite attraction say that we are strongly initially attracted to another person because of their differences. Such people are something new to discover and learn more about, they are something different to add to life. Although there is little to no mention of how long a relationship can run on discovery until it crumbles because there is no common ground. Those in agreement with similar attraction say that due to the high comfort level and equal communication fields, that such relationships are to be the longest and of best quality. What is failed to be said is how these two people meet. There is weak initial attraction because a person may not be interested in getting to know someone just like them, therefore it would have to take time with the person through exciting experiences (dates) to get such attraction. Each argument for a certain type of attraction misses one side of the large picture. A relationship should start off strong and continue as such, so what kind of personality match would create such a relationship? Opposite attraction offers strong attraction, but a weak long term relationship. Similar attraction offers a long term, quality, relationship, but the initial attraction will be weak. In combining the two theories, you have the equation for a perfect relationship.

If opposite personalities have strong initial attraction, but then similar personalities have a lasting relationship, this knowledge could change how we date and meet people. In the instance of the algorithms used in online dating sites, some are solely based on similar interests but if my argument is tested to be valid, then such sites should use opposite personality along with similar interests and similar personality to create a dynamic and possibly more successful relationship. Having conscious knowledge of why we are attracted to a person whether it be because of their opposite personality or similar manner may give us a clearer line between infatuation and a potential life-changing relationship. Then having the same knowledge as to why the relationship isn't working through an examination of personality, and how the two parties were initially attracted, may provide better answers than arguments with the partner.  Such knowledge could also make a break-up or rejection easier on someone if they are aware that certain personalities just may not be compatible. Knowledge of attraction and relationships can change everything from online dating to inward reflection of ourselves, all we need is more research to solidify the right theories from the wrong theories.
