Theories of how attraction happens, what makes relationships successful, and why relationships last are of certain interest to the public because of the personal knowledge they provide. Research towards answers to these questions would revolutionize the way we date and change how we reflect upon our own personal connections. The question is in parts, the first, if opposite personalities cause initial attraction, then if such a relationship will result in failure or success. The theories of similar versus opposite attraction contain multiple reasoning due to the nature of human relationships, but basically state that either opposite personalities cause attraction between two people or that similar personalities cause the attraction. Both theories have been tested but even with conducted studies there is significant room to make personal conclusions as to which theory you personally agree with. After analyzing multiple studies and research, I have concluded that opposite personalities cause attraction, but it is the similar personalities that create a lasting and successful relationship.

The theory of opposites personality attraction is the most often heard in the phrase "opposites attract". Personality is difficult to measure, but with tests such as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, many studies can categorize the many facets of one's personality. The MBTI itself has also collected data on which parts of a personality seem to attract each other. Research from the MBTI Test has indicated that people with opposite dominant functions, Extroversion and Introversion, and Judging or Perceiving functions seemed to attract and create successful relationships (The Myers & Briggs Foundation). Both of these functions deal with how a person deals with the inner and outer world, what the MBTI assessment is saying is that we are attracted to those who are opposite in regards to these types to learn about both sides. This theory first starts out that we are naturally attracted to those who are different from us because it's somewhat exciting (Myers & Briggs Foundation). But then it is not just the excitement that draws us to an opposite person; it's a natural quest for completion. This theory is that we are naturally attracted to people that are opposite of us because they have strengths where we have weaknesses (BSM Consulting Inc). Therefore, when we date/mate with someone who is opposite of us we create one unit that is more well-rounded.  It is a quest for completion of the self and of the unit.

Another similar theory is that our natural attraction to opposite people is a way to subconsciously deal with the weaker aspects of our own nature (Giordano). In an opposite relationship there are significant issues and communication barriers that need to be overcome; so in a sense the attraction to the opposite personality is a subconscious way to drive ourselves to become a more complete individual (Giordano). Research has found that opposite relationships work only for the intimate kind; friends and colleagues rather have similar people to interact with than opposing people (BSM Consulting Inc).

Those who are in opposition of opposite personality attraction would be in favor of similar personality attraction. Some may had heard this theory in the phrase "birds of a feather flock together". The MBTI Test also states, based on information gathered from those who took the test and answered questions, those who had the same function in regards to Sensing/Intuition and in Judging/Perceiving were to have the longest and happiest relationships (Myers & Briggs Foundation). This is thought to be because these functions deal with how people focus on life and communicate with others.  Similar communication comes from the Sensing/Intuitive function because it deals with how a person gathers information and interprets it. Then when it is communicated with another Sensor or Intuitive, it is understood better. Although those who believe that opposites attract have countered, "Intuition, despite the popular idea that it facilitates human understanding, may actually be a handicap to getting and staying married, Dr. Gray found." (Confirm Opposites Attract).

At the most basic level of this theory is the idea that people simply feel more comfortable to spend time with people who are similar to them (BSM Consulting Inc). Building on top of this theory is to say that we are comfortable with ourselves.  If we date or interact with someone very similar to us, then there is comfort found because it is almost like interacting with ourselves. Another study says that some aspects of personality are more heritable than others. If personality is to be found in the genes of a person, than it is suggested that partners will seek out the other based on genetically determined personality instead of environmentally determined personality, such as culture, family, education, or religion (Seyfried).  This is similar to kin selection in animals; somehow if we mate/interact with people with similar "personality" genes that are viewed as useful for a next generation, than the next generation will be more likely to survive. This theory is basically saying that we are trying to protect certain personality traits.

Every theory discussed, whether just a theory or with its own study and research, present valid reasoning to why certain personalities attract, but there are holes in each argument. Both sides state that certain personality traits would cause attraction and create a relationship between the two people involved. Although what is disregarded is the length and quality of the relationship.  Opposite attraction especially speaks on terms of short term interaction. For example, at a party, the shy person being attracted to the outgoing center of attention party goer. Sure there might be the initial attraction this theory speaks of in the initial interaction and probably in getting to know the person later with being fascinated with how different they are from you, but what after this? How long can one be in a relationship with someone that is so different from them in regards to personality which, like the butterfly effect, can touch all aspects of the person's life? The similar attraction theory could be applied to initial meetings, such as a club meeting, a gathering of people who have something in common. Although it may be harder to make initial connection because you would have to get to know the person and their interests to be attracted to their similarities.

My argument suggests that both theories of personality attraction are correct and incorrect in their own ways. The opposite personality attraction theory is correct in its effectiveness of initial attraction. A person can be heavily attracted to someone based on first impressions, which can be seen from someone with an opposite personality. I say that the differences in personality will give each person involved something to uncover, discover, and work on. Although opposite personality would have its difficulties when coming to communication and values. Therefore, similar personalities will have the successful relationships, just perhaps not a strong initial attraction. As found in the research, those with similar personalities mean that they have components that contribute to how the person views and interprets the world and thus communicates it towards the outer world.

Those in agreement with opposite attraction say that we are strongly initially attracted to another person because of their differences. Such people are something new to discover and learn more about, something different to add to life. Although there is little to no mention how long a relationship can run on discovery until the relationship crumbles because there is no common ground. Those in agreement with similar attraction say that due to the high comfort level and level communication fields that such relationships are to be the longest and of best quality. What is failed to be said is how these two people meet. There is weak initial attraction because a person may not be interested in getting to know someone just like them, therefore it would have to take time with the person through exciting experiences (dates) to get such attraction. Each argument for a certain type of attraction misses one side of the large picture. A relationship should start off strong and continue as such, so what kind of personality match would create such a relationship? Opposite attraction offers strong attraction, but a weak long term. Similar attraction offers a long term, quality, relationship, but the initial attraction will be weak. In combining the two theories, you have the equation for a perfect relationship.

If opposite personalities have strong initial attraction, but then similar personalities have a lasting relationship, this knowledge could change how we date and meet people. In the instance of the algorithms used in online dating sites, some are solely based on similar interests but if my argument is tested to be valid, then such sites should use opposite personality along with similar interests and similar personality to create a dynamic and possibly a more successful relationship. Having conscious knowledge of why we are attracted to a person whether it be because of their opposite personality or similar may give us a clearer line between infatuation and a potential life-changing relationship. Then having the same knowledge as to why the relationship isn't working through an examination of personality and how the two parties were initially attracted may provide better answers than arguments over pet peeves.  Such knowledge could also make a break-up or rejection easier to someone if they are aware that certain personalities just may not be compatible. Knowledge of attraction and relationships can change everything from online dating to inward reflection of ourselves, all we need is more research to back it up.
